Shadows Fall

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Today I was reminded just how sad and fragile life can be.

Live, love and have no regrets.

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If I could turn back time ……

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I was chatting with my friend Stuart over a wee drink last night.   Stuart and I have been friends since we were 3 or 4 years old, nearly half a century! … as toddlers, children and teenagers we kept a close friendship .. so much so that our parents thought we would get married!  … it was never anything more than a friendship, we just had a bond from a very early age .. and that bond was that we were both gay.

Stuart left Scotland in his teens to live and work in Italy (he went over on a summer break from university and never came back!)… I went off to join the army but we kept in contact and always met up if we happened to be in Scotland at the same time on holiday.

We have both had some great times in life, some tragic times, Stuart more so than me when his partner of many years died suddenly and it was a tough time in more ways than one for him at that time.  

We were chatting last night about our lives, how things have changed recently, especially for me, and how we have found ourselves in settled and contented place in our individual lives.  

We also talked about people we knew, and regrets that we had .. and funny enough both of us did not really have any regrets.  For Stuart, obviously he missed his ex partner, but he had moved on, accepting and, although keeping memories in his heart, had moved on from the pain.

For me, my biggest regret is not having the courage to walk away from the life I was living years ago, and start to build a life that I want, and indeed, in many ways, need, for me to be happy.

I think back over the years and would I go back and change anything else … well.. No.   The experiences I have gone through, good and bad, have all been part of the journey that I am on … and I do not want or need to look back over my shoulder.

I am moving forward, at my own pace, on my own path … and I am looking forward to discovering what lies ahead and perhaps seeing things through new eyes and a little bit more knowledge!

No regrets

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Regret is a punishment that we give ourselves.   It is the inability to accept that we have tried the very best we could in circumstances in our past.   There is no use wishing for a different outcome, a different reaction, a different situation, we have to accept what has gone and move forward.

We have to accept that our choice, whether right or wrong was the choice that WE made, no-one forced us… we made our choice and we have to accept that at the time it was a decision that felt right to us, whatever our reasons, whether it be fear, guilt or frustration.

I found this quote that sums it up quite nicely:

“If you followed your heart, then whatever the outcome, you acted bravely, and deserve to feel pride not regret. Try to understand and accept that it is impossible to foresee every potential outcome in any scenario. It is also impossible to know what results the alternative choice may have brought. You trusted your intuition, and even though you may not like the results that this action brought, undoubtedly you can learn and grow from the situation.”

There really is no point in tearing ourselves apart because of regret… we cannot change our past decisions and we have to accept our position or situation as it is and move forward.   In the end the only person who is punishing us is ourselves.

Wrong!

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I hate to admit this .. but .. <gulp!>  I am not always right … 

 

Over the years I have made decisions that have made me the person I am today.   I have no real regrets about these decisions but when I look back I know that some of them were not the best for me, mainly because I allowed myself to be convinced by other people at the time that they were.

As I have grown older and wiser <cough!!> through work and life I have realised that when you have to convince someone into making a decision then what you are actually doing is taking away THEIR choice and making them accept what YOU think is right.

If I feel I have to convince someone to accept a job, then I step back and allow them time to make their own mind up.  Sometimes the answer I want is not always what I get, but I know, in the long run, that the decision was made by the applicant and I have not forced someone into a job that they will then leave.  Leaving me with an unhappy applicant, an unhappy client and an unhappy me!

I am now a very hard woman to convince of anything.   Perhaps that is a fault of mine, maybe it is a strength,  I really don’t know.  All I know is that if I believe in something or someone then no amount of “convincing” will change my mind.

It is futile to try to change anyone’s mind, or make decisions for them.  We do have to stand back and allow people to decide what is right for them otherwise we run the risk of being blamed if things do not work out as planned.  What we can offer is our support for their decision, whether we like it or not.

 

 

 

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