Useless pride…

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“It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride”




Pride is a great weapon .. it keeps up fighting when hope is lost but it is also an enemy of the heart.    How many of us have been too proud to say  “I’m sorry”, too proud to say “I love you”.. probably more of us than will ever admit it.

I learned a long time ago that pride was often the thing that hurt the most, whether it be because of losing someone I cared for or, in my case, losing everything that I worked so hard for.

Don’t get me wrong .. I am still a proud woman but I realise that pride is often selfish and the only one who is really affected by it is me.

I look upon people who I know and I feel sorry for them, I know they are in the battle between their heart and their pride, a war they will probably fight for a long time yet.  I hope for their sake that their heart wins because if they are always ruled by pride they will end up very lonely and inward people.

Never be too proud to say what you think or what you feel .. honesty may hurt but lies hurt more and in the end the person who will be hurting you .. is you.




Trapped ..

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I came home tonight to find this poor wee bird stuck in my bedroom.

It must have sneaked in through the gap at the bottom and then couldn’t find it’s way back out.   I done the honourable thing and caught it and gently let it loose.

It just sort of struck me as kind of ironic after my post of yesterday …

Our prison ..

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All of us, no matter how confident or outgoing we seem, have our demons that hold us back or stop us from really living how we want to live.

I have mine.

It is something that I have known for a while but I have tried to ignore it, in the hope that it will solve itself.

I am beginning to doubt that it will.

I have written before about how cautious I am with my heart, and I am.   I know I made an error and gave it away too easily earlier in the year, only to have to quickly grab it back and wrap it up tightly again.

Perhaps too tightly.

I have friends. I have a lot of friends, wonderful, fun people who warm my heart and make me glad to have them in my life but sometimes, just sometimes … I feel alone …and the sad thing is, I am actually scared of NOT feeling alone, just incase it all proves to be fools gold again.

I like to think I am semi intelligent woman..  but In reality I allow myself to fool myself over affairs of the heart.  Why I do this I have no idea .. hope, pride .. who knows ..  but I have become so cynical that the thought of entering into a new relationship actually worries me.

I look around and I see disasters waiting to happen, I see people fall in and out of “love” with ultimate ease…  and I just don’t understand.

Gone are the days of the little flutter of excitement at the “possibility” of something developing, gone are the days of flirting and the “challenge” .. now I just feel comfortable with the thought of friendship.

That scares me.


simple things in life …


I had a lovely wee surprise when I came home from work tonight.

It was only a silly little thing, but something that really made me smile!

The wee girl up the lane from me (I think she is 10) posted a letter through my door.

It’s the wee things in life I like .. I’m not terribly materialistic (although I do appreciate nice things!) but it’s the simple “heartfelt” things that mean the most.

I will treasure this ..


Friendship and love


Friendship and love are like a garden, all three need care and attention if they are to bloom into something special.

It just takes a seed for something to grow, but often we are too impatient.  We expect the beauty and excitement of cut flowers in our lives, not realising that the instant beauty fades very quickly.  They are for show, there are no roots.

When something has grown from a seed, and you have nutured and watched over it, it  becomes special, yours, unique.

Sometimes the least pretty plant is the one you end up loving the most.

But, don’t get me wrong.. sometimes, just like plants,  friendship and love have a lot of shit to get through before they bloom, but the shit they emerge from ends up being the very thing that can make new things so much stronger.

My garden isn’t perfect, nor would I want it to be, but I love it all the same,  I guess I should remember that next time someone catches my eye!

A fabulous weekend…

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I’ve just had the most fabby weekend with 27 of my friends!

I decided to fling a barbecue on what must be the nicest weekend of the year in Scotland (total fluke that I picked this one!).

Yesterday I was host to 27 friends and a dog called Kiara who was so like my Brae that even I was getting them confused.  The picture is of Kiara NOT Brae .. I am sure they are sisters .. they are the same age, have practically exactly the same temperament and when they met it was a quick sniff .. a wag of a tail and that was it .. they were perfectly comfortable in each others company!  It was very strange .. but very cute!

It was a perfect day with perfect company .. great food (Meg’s home made burgers were just superb!) and sooo much food and alcohol brought!

I have actually ended up with more food and alcohol than I started with, I tried to give some of it away to the guests who stayed overnight (6 of them!) 3 on my living floor and 3 in tents in the back garden! but was still left with loads.

This afternoon my friends Anne, Kate and Fiona popped over so we had another one .. this time with no alcohol (coffee and water!)… but another lovely day to finish off my weekend perfectly.

I really enjoyed watching people make new friends and as a social event goes, it was a great day … Maybe I will make it an annual thing .. but I doubt I could manage to get such perfect weather again!

As the evening wore on we ended up in the gazebo, log burner alight being smoked out .. I woke up this morning to a smell of smoke and panicked .. thinking my house was on fire .. then I realised the smell was coming from my hair!

All in all it has been a fantastic weekend .. some friends I missed and I know that they would have loved meeting my friends up here .. but a camping trip is arranged for September .. they will all get to meet then.

So, for all of you that came along… thank you .. you have made me smile!  (albeit with a sunburnt face!)

Slowly, softly


Slowly, softly

Under our leaf canopy the still of the forest surround us, the sound of the rain against the leaves locking us in our natural hideaway, giving us our own secret world, both of us sensing the smell and the feel of the forest around us.

I kiss your lips slowly, softly.  Pressing your body against the damp bark of the tree.   I feel your teeth on my lips, gentle, your tongue lazily flicking mine.

I drop my mouth to your neck, my tongue tipping the length of you, slowly, softly. Trailing to your shoulder, small nibbles, soft, but felt, making your breathing start that little bit faster.

I raise my head to look into your eyes as my fingers start unbuttoning your shirt.

Your eyes are heavy, I see surrender in your face as I drop my head to let my lips run over every piece of skin that becomes exposed as I slowly free your body to the warm, damp air.

Slowly, softly I flick my tongue against your nipple, rolling it gently against my teeth, first one, then the other until they stand proud and erect, damp from my mouth and the trickle of rain that drips from the leaves onto your skin.

My tongue trails down you, along your stomach, my teeth gently nibbling. My mouth sucking, slowly, softly until I hear your gentle cry.  Your hands on the back of my head urging, holding, as I gently slip your jeans down your legs, trailing my tongue down your inner thighs.  Softly, slowly.

Once more you lean back, your naked body against the damp rough bark, your hips forward, pulling me to you as the tip of my tongue slides along you, stopping briefly for gentle blows of air against you, my fingers probing, pushing in.  Slowly, softly.

You push my head harder against you, opening your legs wider, it is urgent now.  My speed quickens, fingers pushing harder and deeper into you, my lips sucking on you, then a sudden slide of my tongue along the length of you to join my fingers, unexpected, electrifying.

Quicker and harder I push, suck and slide.  The wetness of you no longer caused by the rain, the sound of the rain drained out by your urgent cries, until …

..a soft, deep moan from the depth of your soul, a rush of heat on my fingers and my face tells me that the storm is over ..

I rise, kissing you once more.   Our lips mingling with the taste of you.

Slowly, softly.

You may not be her first ….


“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect – you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”  (Bob Marley)


I found this quote by Bob Marley today on my favourite blog, written by a very talented and inspiring lesbian.

My thanks to FS .. and gals .. you really need to read her blog here ….My Words!



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Today has been a mix of good and bad.

Good because Karen and I have finally got our heads together and planned out the next two years of our business.

Also good because I managed to pick up a new client with two new permanent jobs and hopefully more future business.

Bad because I sat in the office until 5.30pm waiting on my new phone to arrive from Orange.   They sent a text to say it would be delivered by 5.30pm and it wasn’t.   Now I don’t know if I can fully blame Orange as they did send me a text to say it had been dispatched and would be delivered by UKMAIL .. but it hasn’t arrived and if Orange use an unreliable courier for delivery of their goods that is not my problem but theirs.

I will be on the phone tomorrow .. I can’t stand bad customer service, if I ran my business as shoddy as some of the big boys out there I wouldn’t have a business .. sometimes I could kick ass big style.

Anyway .. my wee rant over .. it’s nearly the weekend and my big barbeque .. I think there is around 30 coming .. bugger the weather too .. if it rains I have my gazebo and my big tent .. I’m up for a weekend of a laughing and spending time with some really nice, lovely friends.

I think I may also get drunk!  I haven’t been drunk in ages! .. although granted was a bit squiffy one afternoon in Lesbos .. (had to go back to the hotel for a wee sleep before I went out for dinner that night – what a wimp!)… anyway .. me and “ma dug” are quite excited about it … maybe I will have my new phone by then .. if not .. it will be in someone’s anus!




Letting go…

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Letting go doesn’t mean giving up …….. it means moving on.

My dear old matie from my London days Lisa posted a quote today that I have been thinking about.

I think I have been holding onto things out of my fear of being insecure, I have also been holding onto friendship where, in reality, there is no friendship.

I have been a fool, of my own making.

Time to move on.

‎”Just living is not enough,” said the butterfly, “one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower.” ~Hans Christian Anderson

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