The Mirror

Leave a comment

Brae. A gay woman's tale!

I have been where you have been

I have seen what you have seen

I have walked the path and lost my way

I have cried all night to the break of day

I have lost everything as my world fell apart

I have had blows to my pride and broken heart

I have held on too long and let go too soon

I have sung in the rain and danced with the moon

I have kissed with passion and dreamt in vain

I have taken the hits and smiled through the pain

I have convinced myself that I am right

I have struggled to survive my longest night

I have loved to the full and a fool it made me

I have wore my heart on my sleeve for all to see

I have taken the blows and sometimes I fell

I have picked myself up so no-one could…

View original post 40 more words

Advertisements

Poetry in the Air

Leave a comment

A beautiful poem by a fellow blogger .. Noora … check her site out at myechoesandreflections.com

Echoes and Reflections

The moon is absent tonight
Only love illuminates the room
As you finally rest in my embrace
Far away in a dreamland
Yet in my deepest reality

Your slumbering hills
And inviting valleys
My promised land
Waiting to be explored

Anticipated scenery
Much more beautiful
Than any of those dreamy dawns
My yearning heart painted
With poetic words and shades of purple
When we still dreamed of the sunrise
On separate sides of the ocean
That does not divide but unites
Our islands – in love

On this night of wonders
I lay my lips on yours
Just to capture your smile
So that I can carry it with me
To wherever the journey takes us

A peaceful rest drifts over me
And I surrender
Under the covers of something
Unconditional, eternal and safe

I have nothing to wish for anymore
There is poetry in the air tonight

© Noora…

View original post 1 more word

You stupid idiot!

2 Comments

 

bin

 

 

Honestly!   Sometimes I shock myself at my stupidity!

I live down a wee country lane and we have just been informed by the council that they will no longer come up the lane to collect our rubbish due to “vibration” in the lorry cab being against health and safety (no .. I am not joking!)

Anyway to cut a long story short, the council have now given me 2 extra bins .. which I have to leave at the entrance to the lane and carry my rubbish up to it … there are 5 houses down this lane .. so that means 15 bins at the end of the lane .. (clever move Fife Council!) …. anyway .. I have rung them today to request a communal one .. but we will have to wait and see what happens.

Ok … back to my stupidity …  I thought I would be really highly organised .. I thought I would buy 3 small bins (in matching colours to the big bins) so I can put my rubbish in them and then just carry them up the lane in my car … great .. brilliant .. lets spend £34 … dinnnngggg

They came today .. and I have just realised I have nowhere to put them .. they are too big for my kitchen … too big for my back hallway … I can’t put them outside as they are too light and will blow away … so basically I have buggered up big time!

I am sitting here with my wee grumpy chicken face on ….

Anyone want 3 bins .. brand new … pffttt!!

Lesbians and Mental Health

1 Comment

Image

You cannot tell most of the time if the person sitting next to you has Mental health problems.   You cannot  always tell if a friend, lover or relative has Mental health problems unless he or she tells you.

I see things online everyday that makes me think “ah oh” .. there are woman out there now who have problems, some quite severe, that they do not recognise, cannot see.   I am not sure why the issue of mental health in lesbians is so common, but there is definitely a high percentage of women suffering.    It could be to do with environment or guilt or pressure from family not to be “different” .. I have no idea, none of these were my reason for my slip but I do know that some women do suffer from all of these.

Mental health is a huge subject and I am certainly no expert but I am one of the “one in three” who has suffered from mental health issues in the form of depression.

Depression is a funny old thing (no .. really .. it is!) … sometimes it leaps out of nowhere and pins people to the ground immediately, sometimes, as was in my case, it was a long slow stressful fall that happened without me really noticing.

It is very hard to describe what you feel when you are depressed, your brain is foggy, you just want to curl up and sleep all the time and you crave something to make you look forward, anything.. just something that will make you feel something.   The problem being is that you believe this “thing” will make you feel better, you will feel alive .. but it never works out like that.    Life becomes one big mess of nothingness, no excitement, no joy, no feeling, just a routine, a sufferance that has to be endured.

I got to the point where I didn’t care if I lived or died… don’t get me wrong, I didn’t actually WANT to die but I just didn’t care if I did or not.    I lost all respect for me, I felt I was stuck behind a glass screen watching my life but couldn’t touch it… I know this sounds strange and if you have never been depressed you will probably  think this woman is a lunatic!   but I am no lunatic  and I am, most of the time, a joker, a clown and always filled with optimism, I really am the last person I would have marked down as being a victim of depression, but I was.

I am lucky, eventually (with the help of friends and a holiday!) I realised how far from me I had become, I looked in the mirror and seen a face but could not recognise the spirit or the soul inside me … I was empty.

It has been nearly a year now since I was officially diagnosed, I still have the same pressure as before but I know enough to acknowledge that .. to realise that I am NOT responsible for everything in this world and I can let the guilt go.

I decided at the time to “come out” about my problem … I knew one or two of my friends had been in the same situation as me and found it harder as they had not opened up and I am of the character where I think that if I am honest then people can accept me for the truth or not at all.

I was stunned by the reaction I had … in a very positive way … so many people messaged me or emailed me to say that they had been through a similar thing, some, like me were still fighting to find themselves again, some still are.

Sometimes we have to acknowledge our failings and decide to deal with them.    I know I had a couple of stupid comments “keep smiling” or “read a self help book” .. this is not the response you need or want when you open up to someone .. what you need is someone who sometimes will say nothing but just listen, let you pour out what you think and what you feel, which may be very different to what you think or feel tomorrow.

I am glad I went through what I did last year.   In a way it was the best thing for me as it gave me the insight to what is important  in my life and the power of the brain.

I have a friend who is having a very rough time at the moment.  She is where I was and I can see that as her posts are downbeat and depressive, she knows she has a problem but is not yet at the stage where she feels she can do something about it herself.   I would love to pick her up and shake her and say “listen to me.. only YOU can do this” but I know that this will not work .. this is something she has to find from within her and no amount of preaching or advice from me, or anyone else will help.

Looking back now on how I felt last year is quite amazing, again it is like looking through glass to another life, but this time I am happy to stay on this side and have no wish to go back to how I was then.

Coming out the otherside was a bit like a slow lazy wake up…. I began by feeling a bit more settled, more at peace until one day I woke up and I felt happy … I genuinely thought to myself “my gawd, I feel happy” .. and feeling is returning, I do not feel “dead” inside, nothing is as much as an effort, I do not have to “try” to function, I just do.

I was talking to a very close friend the other day and she said “all the beautifully interesting  people have survived depression” … maybe she is right… maybe I’m on my way to be interesting!!  *smile*

Concentrate

Leave a comment

 

Image

Close your eyes

Just breathe

Clear your mind

Slowly …………….begin to imagine

What do you feel

Concentrate 

Let it build

Who do you imagine

With tiny bites

and slow licks

and soft touch

Concentrate

Until you pull tight

.. and tighter

.. and harder

Concentrate

 

 

 

Hello ….

Leave a comment

Image

… wow …

Climbing the last hill …

Leave a comment

Image

Tonight the world is waiting, watching, listening for the news that will inevitably come.

We are about to lose one of the greatest heroes this world has ever produced, a man who fought for what he believed in, for what was right.

Nelson Mandela is a man who carried the injustice of his life forward with pride, not bitterness and a man who stood up to be counted.

Nelson Mandela is about to climb his last hill.   May it lead him to peace and may the memory of his struggle live on.

 

Older Entries

Can Anybody Hear Me?

Uncovered Myself One Pound at a Time; Still Discovering Myself One Day at a Time

zoeinsouthafrica2014

This blog is a personal blog written by Zoe Hutcheson. As such the views expressed in this blog are those of Zoe Hutcheson and not those of Project Trust. :)

amediablogger

A social media blogger

The Ship Kinghorn

A great ambience in which to enjoy fine food and wine

She-Nanigans

FOR WOMEN WHO LOVE WOMEN

thequeenslove

A chance to express myself and (hopefully) entertain.

Adventures In Loserville

Dysfunctional Lesbian Chronicles / Mildly Amusing Stuff

Pleiades513

Come Let's Fall in Love Again.

The Neighborhood

telling the story from every vantage point

The Gail Young Show

Being authentic, following my gut, falling down & doing better. Helping myself by helping others, owning my failures & successes. Turning my experiences into wisdom.

The Lesbrary

The humble quest to read everything lesbian: a lesbian book blog.

beijas

Compartilhando meu coração

Social Nightmare

Abandoned Places

flobbledeegeggle

Smile! You’re at the best WordPress.com site ever

leniking

A poetry blog where Leni King and other lesbian and lesbian-friendly poets can showcase their work, exchange ideas and support one another

Brae. A gay woman's tale!

Lesbian Love, Life and Laughs!

poetryinmysoul

A collection of poetry and prose

MyGayDay

Out... and about.

%d bloggers like this: