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Wow … just Wow!

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I have had the most fabby day!    Great wee morning trailing around Dunfermline, just popping willy nilly to wherever I fancied … and my back didn’t cross my mind! … I ordered my new specs, bought myself a nice new thumb ring (I lost my last one) and bought  new pair of tracky bottoms (that I wore to the gym tonight).

I have to be honest and say I was a wee bit worried about being the “auld fat yin” but everyone was lovely!  I wasn’t the oldest … or the fattest!.

Had a good induction to the gym, and the lass who took me round, really understood all my worries about undoing the work my physio has done … she has recommended 3 pieces of equipment to begin with … and I have instructions to follow … `10 minutes on each piece until I find it easy (actually it wasn’t that difficult today!.. but I have been going to a couple of exercise classes and have my bike thingy at home that I try to get on every day) … when I am comfortable with 10 minutes I then move up to 15 minutes on each until I reach 20 minutes on each piece … then I have to look at distance and timings and improve on them! …

I really enjoyed it tonight … and followed it up with a swim in the lovely pool then a wee 20 minutes in the steam room… where I met a woman who knows me because she used to work for the chippy as a delivery driver! … she was staring at me and suddenly said “do you have a wee black dog” … when I said yes … she replied “it eats sausages” … we were laughing away at how small a world it is … then it turns out she was 2 years behind me in school and remembers me from my hockey days!   jeez … that was a while ago!

I finished my evening off with a coffee in the wee cafe there while Marion (might be Maureen) went through all the classes that go on there and recommended the one’s that would be ok for my knees and hip …

I want to go back tomorrow but not sure I can fit it in!  I will have to see what I can do!

I am so happy with how everything is going with my back.  My arthritis does niggle from time to time but the constant discomfort is gone … I was trying to work it all out … and I reckon it is around 14 years ago that my back started playing up … and just slowly got worse over the years as everything tightened up … I am still wary about it, perhaps more than I need to be, but I don’t want a set back … I am having a ball … Im not letting my bloody back hold ME back any longer!

Achhhh!!

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I have been so busy lately that it has been difficult to keep up with personal appointments … I am a bit weary, so I decided to take today off … sorted out docs appointment for blood pressure test (looking good, it’s really coming down!) … eye appointment to have my eyes retested … I really need new specs … I hate my varifocals that I got last time and tend to use my older prescription … and an appointment at the Dentist that I have been trying to get to since December.

My Dentist in is Kirkcaldy so I have to leave plenty of time to get there and afterwards in case I get a filling … I can’t be slobbering when taking a funeral! …. just had a text from my Dental surgery to say my dentist is off sick and I will have to rearrange … there is a wee blue cloud full of swear words above my head right now!

On the plus side, at least I can mooch around this afternoon until my gym induction later … and then have Tracy and Kat popping over … Kat is going to start taking Sprout out 3 times a week (since the Vet has told me she is fat! … Sprout .. not Kat!).

 

Just how it is

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… and this is where I am …

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To become …

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life

It is a strange experience when you fall out of love with someone you thought you would love forever.  Suddenly you see their flaws and their faults and think “why the fuck did I put up with that” … sometimes you make too many compromises, sometimes not enough … it is never an easy thing to balance.

I have sometimes given the “benefit of doubt” much more and for much longer than I should have because I simply forget that not everyone thinks the same way I do.

I have learned that when I have had enough of something to just withdraw from it … no arguing, no fighting … just walk away and don’t look back and it has sometimes been very difficult to do, but the right thing for me.

I have thought I was loved, when I wasn’t, thought I was doing the right thing, when I obviously wasn’t.. but you live and learn.

Last year was probably one of the toughest in my life, everything I touched went wrong, sometimes my fault, sometimes not … but it was just once big calamity after another and at times I just wanted to lock myself away…. so I did.   It gave me time to think, to analyse (which wasn’t always easy) and realise that the only person I can truly trust is myself.

I know me, I need to learn to love me and not put up with crap from others, that I sometimes do.

I am a strong woman, I know when to stand up for myself and I don’t take crap, but when it comes to my love life, I put up with much more than I should.

I am on a couple of dating sites again … but more with half a heart than really committed to finding someone new … I want to start with me.

Sometimes you have to hit the lowest of lows to be able to build yourself back up again and I have done … after all my analysing I realised I had wasted too long on someone who was just biding time … I didn’t deserve that and I know that.

My efforts are now being put into me, I have a new lease of life with my back improving (not yet perfect but a hundred times better!) … and I am approaching losing my first stone in weight … I intend to lose three more.

I am going to exercise classes some evenings and I have just joined a gym, where I can swim, take classes and have a work out in the gym … as well as going on the sunbeds!

I intend to get what I want from life.   Stability, Peace and Love … and that all has to start with me.  I don’t want short term relationships to boost my ego, or fill a gap.  Im too long in the tooth for that crap and so on Friday, instead of lamenting over the loss of a false love, I will celebrate the fact that I have the freedom to become.

And I will.

Stability

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When you trust someone too much …

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