Brae. A gay woman's tale!

Even with all the troubles and tragedies that the world has seen during 2015, personally, it has been a good year for me… my work has taken off even better than I had hoped and I have met a very special lady in my lovely Cath.   I have also managed to lose 2 stone .. although I have come to a slight halt with losing more at the moment (too busy enjoying myself!) … on the downside my lovely wee cat Bo disappeared in August .. which has upset me … but I like to think that she has found a lovely new home where she is being treated like the princess she always thought she was!

But .. Jilly.. my other cat that I gained when her owner passed away … has turned into the most lovely wee friendly thing … not the nervous, shy soul she was when Bo was around …

My auld dug Brae is getting older .. and has had a few problems with her back leg and now with a nasty abscess that suddenly appeared on her face. Tomorrow she goes to the vet to have a number of teeth removed .. just what I need the week before Christmas!  Thankfully my teeth are still fine!

It has been a year when I have had to work hard .. but I truly have found a job that I have a real passion about … and long may that continue.

2016 is nearly upon us .. and I’m really looking forward to it .. first of all we have a lovely holiday arranged to Malta for the end of January and there may be a move on the cards … but don’t get over excited .. we are not moving in together .. there may be an opportunity for me to move into a bigger cottage close to where I live .. and I am seriously considering it. It would mean I could have a completely separate office .. (which is currently taking over my living room!) .. and it has central heating .. I do love my coal fire .. but .. it is a pain when it is pouring with rain or I am feeling too damn lazy *smile* .. anyway .. we shall see on that ..

In the meantime my plans for next year are to continue to work hard .. to maintain what I have achieved this year .. to keep my Cath laughing ..and to get that other 2 stone off!!  … I may even treat myself to a wee kitten ..

My wish for anyone who reads this is that you have a happy Christmas … I know many are not as lucky as I have been this year, but tough times (like good times!) never last forever … keep strong, keep plodding on … and one day you will realise that your troubles are behind you.

With peace and good wishes …

I have never been one for “blending in” … not sure why, just how I am.   I am more comfortable when I lead my own life, make my own decisions and choose what I want to do.   Sometimes this has clashed with my previous choices in life, my work, my relationships and with choices that I made because I felt it what was expected of me.

That all changed a few years ago now… a really low time in my life made me really look inwards and I realised that I worried too much about what other people thought about me, or wanted from me… and I realised I wasn’t happy at all.

My life has changed completely since then, I have a new career that I love, a new woman in my life, that I also love and I have found the peace that I always knew I wanted.

There have been times when my wee happy boat has been rocked .. mainly by the actions or comments of others, and even though it does still sting .. I am now in a place where I don’t care that much for the opinions of others who judge me for who I am or who I am sleeping with, friends with, or who do not agree with my opinions… (which rightly or wrongly I do tend to voice!).

I find it hard to understand why anyone would want to bitch or hold a grudge against me because I am happy in my life and just like to do “my own thing” .. but they do … I guess someone always will.

People seem to see those of us who like to stand alone as a threat .. and that is a fault in their make up not mine.   I have no control over that but I hope that one day they too can find peace in the life they are living and maybe then they will realise that trying to blend in is probably the easiest way of losing your own peace.

Be you .. stand tall … stop letting grievances that you hold with your own life stop you from realising that there are just some people who live their life their way, not as part of a pack.

Until then, I will continue to do my thing .. my way, with a happy wee smile on my face.   I wish you peace.

Some photos from the wee trip that Cath and I recently took up north.   She is a piece of me, and the peace of me.

Sometimes life just takes over …but a lot has been happening… so this is my catch up in 10 points!

1. I have been very, very busy with work both funerals and weddings!
2. I have also been very busy with Cath although diary syncronisation is difficult at times! – I even ended up driving to hers the other day for a breakfast date … because it was the only time we could see each other!
3. My cat Bo has still not come home … It is well over a month now and I am not confident of ever seeing her again
4. Brae has hurt her leg yet again! … there is a definite weakness there .. she has also just turned 13 … but she is happy enough, if a little limpy and has breath from the depths of hell!
5. I have had a wee holiday with my folks, a week in Adfern near Oban … wonderful scenery and the best week of weather in Scotland this year!
6. I have another wee holiday coming up next week .. just a couple of days in Glencoe and Seil Island .. it will be lovely to spend some quality time with Cath, we just seem to be ships in the night (or morning!) at the moment!
7. We have booked a wee holiday to Malta for February … after taking ages deciding where to go but even though it is only a week we have booked the best hotel we could find!  …. and it looks fabulous!
8. My diet has been blown out the window after my holiday last week … but back on track again … it is our aim to lose another 2 stone each by February ….
9. I have had horrible problems with my laptop(s) … my favourite one is currently sick and being looked at (for the second time in a week!) … mainly due to an update by my virus checker that then decided Windows 10 was evil!
10. Jilly (the other cat) has completely changed character since Bo has gone … she has started hunting, started wanting cuddles and has a definite ‘tude about her … it is actually a mixed blessing … I miss Bo, but I like the new Jilly very much!

That is about it … boring really .. so some photos to make up for it!

I have led an interesting life .. a life that I can look back and smile at.

A life that has sometimes hit the dust and a life that has reached the stars.

There have been times when I thought my world was ending not realising that it was simply the start of something new.

Most of all I have learned from my life that the bad times and the good times will come round in equal measure and it is how we deal with both of these that really matter.

In the good times I have learned very little about myself and life.. I have simply enjoyed my life as it was then.

In the bad times I have learned so much about myself, not always good, but always a great lesson.

I have met the wrong woman at the right time, and the right woman at the wrong time .. but for once in my life I have finally met the right woman at the right time.

I am not expecting the future to be all roses, because I know that life isn’t like that .. but what I do know is that I have found someone who I have total and utter trust in, a woman who gives me peace, yet lights my fire, a woman I want to make smile forever.

Soppy .. maybe … but the truth.

I am content, I am happy.  I am home.

There are times in life when we lose things without really realising it.

I knew that for a long time I had lost my peace, but over the past couple of years I have deliberately chosen a way of life that let me find my peace, and myself, again.

I found that with my new role as a Celebrant that the passion that I had held for recruitment for many years before it ebbed away, had returned.

I was at peace, I was single, my life was full and I was content.  I was also wrong.

Out of nowhere a wonderful lady fell into my life.   I say fell, as neither of us were looking for anything more than friendship but that “something” that you just cannot put your finger on, or understand, happened.

And I am so glad it did.

Suddenly there is a spark in me again.  I guess it was always there, but I had forgotten just how nice it is to feel really passionately about another person.   I did have passion for my work, but on a personal level I had just sort of forgotten about it.

The great thing about this relationship is that it is not just passion, I am old enough and wise enough to know that passion does eventually die down and it is what you are then left with that matters.

What I have now is a feeling of peace and calmness with what is going on … it just feels right.  I have a woman who is beautiful, funny, kind, caring and simply wonderful! … there is no need for pretence or hidden agenda’s … it just feels perfectly peaceful and right…. we just fit.

I have found a woman who has not only managed to give me more peace than I already had .. but has rekindled the spark of passion in me.

I feel alive again…. and it feels wonderful!

Sometimes, if we are very lucky, we meet someone who has a profound effect on our lives.

Out of the blue, two world collide and they just naturally fit.  There is no pretending, no having to try too hard, no doubt .. just a comfortable, peaceful feeling that something feels right.

I have always said that you have to be on the same path as someone .. and that is still true .. but sometimes a wee detour brings you to someone who is heading for the same place as you, just from a different direction.

I have found peace in something that normally fills me with doubt and frustration .. and for me the peace that this gives me is priceless.

On paper we are from very different places in life .. I have walked boldly along the path of being gay and out .. while my partner has taken faltering baby steps .. but now our strides match and I truly feel I have someone by my side.

Our journey is very much beginning .. and there are no guarantees that we will reach our destination together ..but the niggles that normally bother me just do not exist .. I don’t feel I am being used as a temporary measure, a guardian or put up with.  I feel truly appreciated for me…and I feel understood …  and I hope that I am able enough and worthy enough to repay the true peace and contentment that I have from this back.

As my pal Meg said to me the other day “you have found someone who suits you” .. in truth I didn’t find her .. we just sort of stumbled upon each other by accident .. two disillusioned women .. one scared of what the future might hold .. the other too cynical to want to even bother about a relationship.  It was certainly not a meeting of minds … but perhaps a meeting of hearts.

I like to think so.

The natural compassion of a child

The link above will (hopefully!) take you to a video of a small Nepalise boy and his reaction to the imminent sacrifice of his goat … don’t worry .. it doesn’t happen … and his actions make the adults reconsider their habits.

Compassion is something that cannot be taught.  People either are, or not…  anyone can make a decision to “donate” to a charity .. but how many actually care.

Before the referendum in Scotland there was a huge demonstration of bags of food being left for foodbanks .. how many of these people, probably much better off than me, have ever donated again?    My bet is not a lot.

I have also witnessed people treat animals badly .. not because they are cruel people but because they lack compassion… I once witnessed someone I knew hit her dog because it pooped on the pavement and SHE didn’t have any bags.   I have witnessed someone fling stones at a Highland Cow to get it to turn round just so she could take a photo…. not major cruelty by any means .. but those actions, in those seconds, spoke volumes.

Compassion, or lack of, can only be found in our actions… and it extends much further than just being something temporary to make a point, or to be something we are noticed for.

It should be a natural way of thinking – with compassion comes understanding, with understanding comes acceptance, with acceptance comes peace, with peace comes love.

Compassion should be our priority. Always.