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Good at love?

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Full of good intentions…

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I have a lovely quiet week workwise this week … I don’t often have them, so I treasure the times when I can just doodle around as I feel …

Ros is away on holiday to Arran with her aunt until Saturday, so I thought I would make the most of my time by catching up with all the little jobs needing done … I have turned my spare room into a dvd/sports room (got rid of the bed and bought a sofa bed) … and also a room where I can practice my yoga and pilates … which I decided to do today ….

… well … that was the plan …

Sprout decided yoga looked fun … I had to give up in the end

 

In your own heart…

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It has taken me a while… but I am happy again…

My back is no longer giving me constant pain. My weight has dropped by two stone, I am loving being able to exercise and swim again (and improving all the time) and I have a very lovely new lady in my life.

It is early days yet but so far everything is going really well… we laugh, we talk and she gives fabulous cuddles!

Time will tell whether we have a future together… but For now I will just enjoy the company of Ros.

Reality

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First target reached!

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My first weight target was to lose 2 stone … tonight I achieved that  (although I must admit to being a bit surprised after I had Scampi, Chips and cake with Ros yesterday!).

My next target is 3 stone … and if I keep going as Im going .. I should get that in about 6 weeks… so by the end of May I will hopefully reach it!

 

Well….

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My date went better than I had hoped… I have met a woman who is open and honest and admits to being impatient and grumpy at times (sounds like me!)

We had a lovely day together “a quick coffee” turned out to be all day… and we are meeting again on Wednesday… and I’m really looking forward to it. Perhaps this time I have found some true, sober and loyal… I guess time will tell!

3.42am

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And here I am watching everyone dying from Typhus on Little House on the Prairie….

I can’t sleep tonight, my mind is too busy.

I should have had a first date on Tuesday…but my dates circumstances with arranging a care home for her mum have resulted in it being brought forward to tomorrow (technically later today!)… and all the doubts that my ex left with me are raising their ugly head.

There is still the part of me that knows she twisted things to cover up her lying and cheating… and perhaps to ease her guilt… she never once gave a thought to the hurt and chaos she was leaving behind… and it is hard to understand why she chose to fool me for so long… but she did.

I think because I was so feeling so doubtful about myself led me into dating (briefly), two women who both had problems that I didn’t have the energy or want to deal with.

The hurt my ex caused me has gone… now I know that I never knew who she really was… and in all honesty, all I feel is sorry for her.

I know I have faced up to who I am… I know I have many faults… but I can accept them… I need to fall in love again… with me… I’m trying.

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