Brae. A gay woman's tale!

Friendship in all forms is a wonderful thing that makes our lives a brighter wee place to live in.

We have friends who make us laugh and cry, friends we can talk to with our deepest thoughts and trust completely and other friends on the peripheries who we meet now and again and enjoy their company for the short time we see them.

Friendship as you get older becomes something deeper, you realise that the amount of friends you have is nothing compared to the closeness of the few who really mean something in your life.

Sometimes we get more from a friendship, a short period of time when we can feel wanted and enjoy the want we feel for someone else.   A friend with benefits.

I have in my past had friends with benefits, which generally worked out great for all concerned, with one exception where the expectation from the other party was more than I was able to give.

On one occasion it developed into a relationship that lasted for a couple of years, but it is rare for FWB to do this, normally FWB are people coming out of a period of hurt or darkness and not able or ready to commit.

To be honest I find a FWB easier to deal with than a list of short term relationships that leaves me feeling guilty and unsatisfied.    I have never been one to jump from a relationship straight into another … I like to take time out, I don’t want to hurt someone by using them just because I am on the rebound.

I am now 52 years old, I am contented and settled in my life once again and I am really not sure if I want a relationship again.    Maybe that will change, I have no idea, but I have for a long time felt under pressure to compromise too much to keep someone happy and in the end made myself unhappy.  I am really not prepared to do that now.

If I could find a “perfect woman” (Nigella jokes aside!) .. I know what I want ..  a thinker, a joker, a tough minded opinionated woman, strong at times, but with a weakness that shows from time to time,  who wants to make someone feel special but feel special in return, not by words but by actions.  Someone who wants to spend time with me and is happy with their life and does not rely on me for all their happiness.

I need someone who understands the importance of sharing decisions with a partner and how the word US is more important than I,  but also is independent enough to understand my need for time on my own as well as my need for time alone with my partner and time to socialise .. in a normal balance that is stress-less.

Does she exist? …  am I being selfish? who knows … until then .. I will just be ..