Exploding gun




There have been a few lies knocking around about me … again .. *raising eyes and tutting* … fortunately this time, instead of being shocked, I laughed … and so has everyone else that I told about “the lies” …  this time the lies will not hurt me as really they aren’t all that unexpected.

It seems that this time the bullet that was fired towards me has stuck in the chamber … which will cause the gun to explode in someone’s face ….  and sadly, this is of someone’s own making …  who loaded and fired all by herself ….


The biggest question out of all is this is why??   … I have no friggin idea!   – embarrassment, drama, pity .. what??

I am 52 years old .. I have had enough drama and lies in my life to do me a lifetime .. if you need to lie, then go ahead, feel free.. but please do NOT use me in your lies to justify whatever the hell you feel you need to justify!!

I was just going to do nothing about it .. but I am a stickler for honesty .. I have no time in my life for lies or liars … I do not want to be involved in your lies … can you understand that .. just stop…. take a deep breath .. tell the truth … it is a hell of a lot easier than trying to remember the lies that you tell and what is so bad about the truth?    Nothing .. not a damn thing.


A reflection of you …

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ImageThey say that your dog’s behaviour and character is a reflection of you ..

I have the sweetest, most good natured dog … who takes no shit from other dogs …

I certainly don’t take shit … not sure Im the sweetest or that good natured though LOL




I do not think I understood the meaning of contentment when I was younger.   There was always something to aim for, people to see or a woman to conquer!

These days things are very different, maybe I have experienced enough good AND bad times in my life to understand it .. or maybe I have just grown weary of the drama and the arguments, I don’t know but right now I am contented… I am happy, relaxed, peaceful and enjoying myself.

As I look back and remember what was important to me when I was younger, success, money, love .. I realise that these still hold true but in a very different way.

Success is now being happy with my life, money is having enough to get me from one pay day to another but able to not worry too much, love.. well, love is all about learning to love yourself, the good and the bad.

I can’t say I “practice” contentment .. or I looked for it, it just sort of happened.

I have achieved and gained lots in my life.  I have also lost everything I worked all my life for and had to start again.. and I discovered the actual starting again was much less than the worry about having to do it..   It gave me a different perspective and although I do, from time to time, lose my peace and my contentment, I know it is lurking out there waiting for me.  Sometimes I just have to wait for it to return.

Our chains



No-one in this world is perfect.   No-one in this world is always right.

Truth is much the same and usually found somewhere between the two sides of every argument,

The advantage of truth (or our truth as we see it!) is that it unchains us … it helps us to accept and move on.  No matter how hard the truth is .. it is better than trying to fool others or even worse, ourselves;

By accepting the truth, no matter how hard to accept, leaves us free, fresh and with nothing to hide.

The disadvantages of deceiving ourselves and others are the chains that it brings on us ..  if you cheat a partner and your friends know .. how can you then let these people meet?

If you cheat a partner in the first place you are building a relationship built on sand,  Every storm, every tremor, every person walking past will bring uncertainty and danger.

That is not being free.

That is being in chains.


The truth always comes out .. and we should remember that.

The chains that bind us are always the chains of our own making … 


Saying nothing ….

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Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing, some people do not deserve your words.

It is all making sense to me now …

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Once upon a time …

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once upon a time

We all write our own story.

We punctuate, we highlight, we dictate.

We make mistakes that we try to overwrite but sometimes we have to erase because the word’s don’t fit or are misunderstood.

In the end it is just a story, a fairy tale that never really existed.

We all choose to write our own ending.

The end.

New Beginnings

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Today is a huge day for two of my closest and most loved friends.    

Today their lives may change forever .. and I wish with all my heart that it does!

I will mention no names .. but people who know them will know who I talking about, and appreciate  how much love and care these two very special women have, not just for each other, but for all of us who are lucky enough to class them as friends.

Today is the first day of Spring .. (even though I am currently looking out of my window at snow!) .. and I hope that after today your lives are spent frolicking like wee lambs in a field!

I hope that the next time we meet will be for a huge celebration … you both certainly deserve all the happiness you can find.

You are much loved by all of us … walk tall, walk proud, you are simply the best!



Grey Area

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I like things simple.    I really do not cope well with “grey areas” in any part of my life so tend to be very “black and white” about things.    I like it that way, I find it less confusing.

I am the same with my friendships.  People know where they stand with me.. if I like someone they know it.  If I do not like someone, they also know it.

Being so black and white does have it’s disadvantages and does mean that sometimes I am a little impatient when I am in the grey area… it is something I know about me and just accept.

I like things straight forward .. I cannot stand lies or people who will tell me what they think I like or want to hear .. I want to hear the truth, whether it hurts me or whether I agree with it .. as long as it is the truth I can and do handle it.    My best friends know this … and even though all of them at sometime have been through a bloody good argument with me, we are still friends, disagreeing does not ruin a friendship, it enhances it, makes us understand and respect each other more.

What I sometimes forget is that not everyone thinks like me .. some people do like to believe only what they want to hear.

I am no sycophant, I am no hypocrite … I am who I am .. not everyone can handle that, not every friendship will survive that.






I was having a bit of a laugh today on Facebook with some friends about chat up lines and relationships and stuff … you know .. the “love” and “relationship” stuff…

We all have different expectations from a relationship .. and are often left disappointed when we feel our expectations are not being met … or they are not how we “dream” they will be.

Everyone loves and needs to be loved in a very different way .. what is right for one person is not always right for another … I am not that tactile .. I need a partner that is more tactile than me .. but not overly so … I find the demands of an overly tactile person too much and smothering for me .. and it makes me feel uneasy because it does not “ring true”.

I am not a person who is or ever will be the greatest partner in someone’s life … I like my own wee ways, my quiet times, my thinking time, not because I do not want to be in the same room or company as someone.. but just because sometimes I have to relax and I can only do that by having time inside my own head….

As I have aged I have become more aware of my own need for peace .. peace of mind and peace of heart .. I do not want a huge heart thumping romance that will reach into my soul and tear my heart out .. I have had those when I was younger .. and they never last ..

I would rather have a relationship that was peaceful, truthful and honest … that gave me calmness and strength rather than excitement and passion .. understanding instead of arguments.

Sometimes you can be in a relationship that you know could be amazing .. but something just doesn’t click .. your priorities differ .. your needs differ and instead of being a healthy and loving relationship it turns into something dramatic and destructive.    This is no-one’s fault .. it is just the fundamental differences that cannot be overcome.    You have to step back .. let go and find your level with someone who fits.

I am 52, I am single with a string of relationships behind me … some of which were healthy, some of which were less so … do I want another relationship now?    I am not sure .. I do not want something I cannot see reaching into my future, I would have to be very confident that a relationship would last … until my last breath .. I do not want the hurt and the self doubt again and the feeling of being a bit lost.

I have found my balance and my peace again … I want to keep that ..  so unless a miracle happens I will continue to do my own wee thing … flirt around a bit .. have a laugh … and do nothing apart from laugh…

If, at the end, I have no-one to hold my hand .. then I hope I will leave plenty of smiles in some hearts.

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