I have had a very deep conversation with an old friend tonight .. she is in a long term relationship and has been for over ten years.  We were talking about how feelings change over time and how relationships develop when the first throws of passion are over.

We talked a lot about friendship and relationships and how (for both of us) friendships have lasted longer than our relationships .. I have friends going back 35 years .. the longest relationship I managed was 10 years.

She said it took her a long time to realise that love isn’t about the passion and lust that all relationships start off with, but about finding someone who she knows satisfies all her emotions …this confused me a little because what I didn’t know (until she told me!) is that there are fundamentally only seven emotions;

  1. Anger
  2. Grief
  3. Worry
  4. Joy
  5. Sorrow
  6. Fear
  7. Fright

This list surprised me .. there was no mention of the two emotions that I thought would be there .. Love and Lust .. but no .. no mention of them at all.

Seemingly in Chinese medicine Love and Lust are only treated as part of the reason for Joy.

She told me that she learned this from her partner, who had become interested in studying alternative medicines and came across some old Chinese beliefs on how the seven emotions can affect our health and our mind.

I came off the phone and thought about this .. I always thought that Love and Lust were two major emotions BUT when I broke them down I realised the Chinese philosophy has a point here .. We say we feel Love .. what we mean is that we feel Joy .. we say we feel heartbroken, what we mean is that we are suffering from Grief. … etc etc etc…

Our actions are driven by our emotions, if we “suffer” from any of them too much our life is unbalanced our actions and reactions are over active .   We desperately seek something that we perceive will give us joy, not realising that our “need” for joy causes many of the negative emotions we are trying to escape.

Somehow this is all beginning to make sense to me, it has got me considering why I desperately need peace.   It is the one thing in life that truly matters to me.. not money, not fame, not a partner, simply peace .. and I have suddenly realised that this is because my emotions are balanced when I feel at peace.

I now understand what she meant by saying she had a partner that satisfied all her emotions .. she is at peace with herself and her relationship.   It sounds much less dramatic or inspiring as saying she is in love .. but I get it.. I really bloody get it!

Sometimes in life, you have a conversation or a realisation that changes you deeper than you ever expect…   tonight has been one of those nights for me.

Peace, in all forms, is the greatest gift of all.



I am one of those women who decided to change trades whilst in the army.  I ended up in the Signals as a DTG but back in the early 80’s I was working in stores at Bicester.   During this time they decided to make a new “emergency” shift that worked nights and I was in the first lot of women to be part of this.

Working on this shift was a bit of a laugh .. two storewomen and a driver on each shift (if my memory serves me right!) .. and our main duties were to check if any telexes came in, check location on the fabulously old microfiche system and then head off to which ever site and shed the item was located in.

We actually had a really interesting time of it, from loading tyres for Northern Ireland, ropes, that we skipped up the aisles with until we realised they were actually Funeral cords (sorry!), various engines, oh all sorts of things large and small that was needed urgently.    Sometimes our driver couldn’t fit items onto the 4 tonner we had, so it was my responsibility to sort out alternative transport by ringing the RCT.

One night we had a telex come in for  Tent Marquee P x 4 … and being an organised and responsible sort *cough* I decided I should ring the RCT in advance and book one of those really long lorries to fit these Marquee posts in .. which I duly did.

Off we went to the sheds (stopping at another shed to pick up an additional forklift that one of the gals drove over to the shed we needed to be at) and started looking for our marquee posts.   Outside the ordered lorry stood waiting, two of us on forklifts driving round this huge shed (if you can imagine an aircraft hanger with shelving!) .. until we found the correct area and shelf.

It was then we found out that the Tent Marquee P x 4 actually meant 4 Tent marquee pins … Oops!

It probably wouldnt have been so bad but a couple of nights earlier we had phoned the MOD police to report an intruder in a shed .. (we could hear his foot stops) which turned out to be the drips coming off the leaky roof…

Or perhaps if Sue our driver hadn’t stopped so quick the Rolls Royce engine in the back of her 4 tonner hadn’t fallen through the floor of her truck …

Or maybe if we hadn’t lost Debbie one night (she was practicing hanging onto the rope of the back of the 4 tonner and fell off!) …

All I know is that the wee Scottish Sergeant Major was not very happy with me … Can’t for the world of me think why!!


Only a dream…

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I found a wee picture on facebook today, posted by one of my friends that made me stop and think.

From the pages of facebook – Nadia

We have all, at one point in our lives been guilty of trying to rush things, trying to change people, their opinions or just our general life situation, to how we want them. We often forget that other people have an opinion or feelings and need their own time to think and sometimes how things develop are not how we want or envisage them.

Sometimes we are faced with a decision that seems to have no correct answer but we force ourselves to choose, often to ease our guilt or give our feelings an easier ride, when in reality we should just stop, do nothing and let life and time sort things out for us.

In life we do not always get what we want, or what we perceive to deserve, but what we often do is forget what we have in front of us right now.

So don’t force things, don’t hanker after what you haven’t got because when all is said and done, what we have right now is real . The past cannot be relived and the future is only a dream.

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