The ‘D’ Word

Leave a comment

A friend of mine has written this blog. I resonates very deeply with me … I remember the waves that were trying to sweep me away ….

thequeenslove

Depression.   It is a terrible affliction.  Some suffer it as a one off, perhaps after a traumatic life event, or series of events; others return to it time and again; seemingly with just a simple shift in their chemical balance a person can be thrown to the floor, emotionally speaking.  Whatever the cause, it is debilitating, soul destroying and a right royal pain in the arse.

I have more than known my fair share of low moods. I have never seen a Doctor about it (I am anti GPs, on the whole, and even more anti-pills) so I have no formal diagnosis of depression, I refuse to acknowledge it as such.  I have never had a clinical depression, whereby I am physically unable to remove myself from bed, let alone the house.  Despite any amount of lows/depressions, I have never let it stop me from doing day to day activities; I…

View original post 610 more words

Advertisements

Peel away …

Leave a comment

Image

Peel away the comedy

Peel away the jokes

Peel away my heart

Throw away my core

Will you miss me when I’m gone

Growing in Love

Leave a comment

ImageI commented today on Facebook that I do not want to fall in love, people fall in and out of love too easily.  I want to grow in love.

It caused quite a debate … and how after the “lust” part goes often you are left disappointed and dissatisfied.

Nicky, a friend of mine, posted this … and it sums it up perfectly.  

Falling in lust is the excitement at the beginning, the attraction…real love grows from time spent together where you know why you respect them, when you really know who your partner is, through the bad, sad, hard times and the happy, fun days, the times spent together working for your future, and from compatibility, making a home together and living in harmony and happiness,…….it takes more than love to make a relationship work, to make it rich and fulfilling every day requires an effort on both parts and a commitment to giving something special, it is not superficial, it is not just about attraction………and that does make you go weak at the knees, it is passionate, it is intense, it is deep, and secure, actually it is mind blowing…..when your lover is your best friend, you live in harmony and show each other every day with random acts of love, and time spent together…I am not just lucky, I give a lot, as does my partner, every day. That is love, it is a verb.

 

The curse of Bitterness

Leave a comment

Image

We have all been hurt in our lives.  We have all cried and believed we would never feel better, never love again, never be the person we were.

This happens.   Life is like that.   You need the low times to really understand the person you are so you can grow as a person, mature emotionally and become the person we eventually grow into.

We make mistakes, we make fools of ourselves, we believe people who speak the words of love but never show the actions that prove it.  Not because we are stupid but because we believe that people are as honest as ourselves.

How we deal with this depends on our attitude.    We all deserve the right to hurt and mourn the end of a relationship, and so we should, people who can walk away easily without a backward thought have never loved deeply.  They cannot open up their heart.

Have I ever been bitter?   Yes … but funny enough when I was actually IN relationships … it was when I hit the bitterness stage I realised that it was time to go.   Has it hurt?   Yes … but there is no use in fighting for something when you cannot be heard.

Have I been on the receiving end of bitterness  Yes.    Did it hurt?   Yes.   It was meant to and it did.

Bitterness comes from frustration, from anger, from jealousy, from not being able to understand and it is a curse.

We have to let it go, we have to forgive, maybe not forget .. but move on or we will be trapped in the same cycle of mistrust and misunderstanding which is not healthy for us as individuals or in a relationship.

We have to be honest with ourselves, we have to kill the irk in the pit of our stomach or we will end up caught in the trap of bitterness and never find the peace we deserve.

 

Sometimes

2 Comments

Image

We all lose ourselves from time to time.   Whether it be through hurt, depression, lack of confidence or just life being it’s usual twisty turny self.

When I look back I can see when I started to disappear … into a quagmire of responsibility, stress, obligation and expectation.   It was no-one’s fault but mine.   I allowed this to happen because I thought that is where my life path was taking me …  In reality it was life teaching me that there is more to living that how I was .. who I was … 

I admire people who find their vocation in life early on.  I admire people who find the love of their life early on … I am not one of these people.

I have always been responsible .. even before my army days … I suffer from guilt and responsibility and they do effect the decisions I made in life.     I thought myself into things .. and I thought myself out of things.

For the first time in my life I feel “right” .. I feel I am doing something that I was born to do .. I no longer have the money I used to have .. but I no longer have the stress that I had to deal with.

I do not have the responsibility of staff or a partner ..  and it has freed me from myself.

I have no idea where this new path I’m on is going to take me … all I know is that it is a journey I’m looking forward to travelling.

The biggest thing I have learned is that sometimes the fear of something happening is actually a lot worse than the actual thing! …   we sometimes just have to take a deep breath, push our shoulders back and march on … one step after another.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Change in Us + A Change in Them = The End

Leave a comment

From my pal Joey … how true is this!!

thequeenslove

We are all aware that no matter what you do, you cannot change another person.  You cannot mould them into being better; to being more your type; to seeing things your way or to liking the things that you like.  You can try to encourage, support, make suggestions, but each of us marches to our own drum.  We will not be changed.  Yet, how true is this really?

Love, one would think, is the most powerful motivator for change.  Unless you are extremely fortunate and find yourself in love with the most perfect person for you, when we fall in love we automatically try to fall in line, to reach a common ground; to become that perfect partner.  If you are anything like me, you take a step back, observe, learn what you can (and can’t) get away with and then behave accordingly.  A totally incorrect way to be I hear you bellow at…

View original post 264 more words

Fat and frustrated!!

Leave a comment

Image

The most frustrating thing about my life at the moment is my back and leg.   Over the past couple of months something that was a bit of an annoyance has now become something that has a major impact on what I can and cannot do.

After another round of xrays I was told by a doctor that the difficulty I have is because of arthritis in my hips (giving my pain in my legs and back) … he then referred me to a specialist. 

I had a phonecall yesterday to say that the specialist would not see me until I lost weight.   Granted I am overweight BUT I gave up sport because of the pain and now walking for more than a 100 yards means that I have to resort to a walking stick. 

I am not happy … I am in constant pain and now on 19 tablets a day .. the majority of which are painkillers.

I had to see the nurse today and had a long chat about my situation .. they have sent me to physiotherapy and other clinics but things have just become worse.    The nurse (Lou) was lovely… she gave me a target weight lost .. 4 stone! … which is no mean feat!

However, today I am positive, I have recently bought an exercise bike and have been using it .. (it doesn’t hurt as much as walking) and I have joined a slimming club online plus set up a wee group on Facebook for me and some friends to help each other with losing the flab!

The tears of frustration and annoyance from last night are behind me ..  hopefully by the time Fort William comes around again (a reunion for ex army girlies!) I may be three stone lighter …  it’s a target anyway!! 

Nothing lost nothing gained!!

 

 

Older Entries

Can Anybody Hear Me?

Uncovered Myself One Pound at a Time; Still Discovering Myself One Day at a Time

zoeinsouthafrica2014

This blog is a personal blog written by Zoe Hutcheson. As such the views expressed in this blog are those of Zoe Hutcheson and not those of Project Trust. :)

amediablogger

A social media blogger

The Ship Kinghorn

A great ambience in which to enjoy fine food and wine

She-Nanigans

FOR WOMEN WHO LOVE WOMEN

thequeenslove

A chance to express myself and (hopefully) entertain.

Adventures In Loserville

Dysfunctional Lesbian Chronicles / Mildly Amusing Stuff

Pleiades513

Come Let's Fall in Love Again.

The Neighborhood

telling the story from every vantage point

The Gail Young Show

Being authentic, following my gut, falling down & doing better. Helping myself by helping others, owning my failures & successes. Turning my experiences into wisdom.

The Lesbrary

The humble quest to read everything lesbian: a lesbian book blog.

beijas

Compartilhando meu coração

Social Nightmare

Abandoned Places

flobbledeegeggle

Smile! You’re at the best WordPress.com site ever

leniking

A poetry blog where Leni King and other lesbian and lesbian-friendly poets can showcase their work, exchange ideas and support one another

Brae. A gay woman's tale!

Lesbian Love, Life and Laughs!

poetryinmysoul

A collection of poetry and prose

MyGayDay

Out... and about.

%d bloggers like this: