Brae. A gay woman's tale!

The catch on Match

For once I decided to do what I was told,

Took a deep breath and chose to be bold.

A profile I wrote, oh wow, what a catch

And posted the thing on bloody Match.

I chose some pictures, be honest, I’m auld,

No very fit but at least I’m no bald.

I sat back and waited and the likes they came,

From Germany, from France but nothing from hame!

So, I had a wee look, and boy what a shock

Nae teeth, cross eyed and hairy ligs in a frock.

An’ then there wiz a pic of one of my friends!

Then inither and inither … ah wiz soon roon the bends.

But then there was wan, that made me sit up

So I sent her a picture of my cute little pup.

She answered quite quick and told me she was sold,

On ma dug and no me, I was too bloody old!

There is a lesson to be learned from surfing the net

You can say what you want, but it’ll no be what you get.

But I’ve met a guid pal, she has me in hoots,

And she is naebody ah ken, or fae Rubyfruits.

So perhaps my lesson, is to go with the flow,

Meet folk for a coffee that I don’t really know.

I might call her darrrrlin’ or even… ma honey

As long as she buys cake way her ain bloody money.

It is not often that I laugh so much that my stomach muscles hurt (I have stomach muscles! Who knew!)… but tonight text messages and voice messages had me crying with laughter… it’s a dangerous thing when I meet someone with the same sense of humour as me!

I know I am no oil painting … but … my experience of online dating has me wondering if I am looking at a dating site or a police line up!

Don’t get me wrong, there are some lovely looking women on there .. but some, my goodness, I nearly jump out of my skin!  I want to scream “it was her .. I saw her do it!”  But I am pretending to be a lady, so I will refrain.

It also amuses me that I have had over 20 winks, most of them from Germany or France … now I know I don’t mind a long distance thing … but that is taking it a bit too far, in more ways than one!

I am chatting to one lovely lady, who like me, is initially just looking for friendship, so at least there is no pressure or expectation on either side … we are trying to arrange a wee time to meet up for a coffee .. but our diaries are pretty full at the moment … and she is also threatening to kidnap Sprout … think I will have to watch her!

If nothing else I will make a new friend to have a laugh with … and there are worse things that could happen … *checking through diary*

Well, Alice Alice has been dropped off at the garage where I bought her.

It is seemingly a bit of a long story, the guy I bought her from, Sandy Dick, has tried to do a disappearing act … but I’ve traced him via Facebook and I have his bank details.  I will be passing all of this onto my solicitor.

In the meantime I had a call from Paul, the welder who rented the workshop from Sandy Dick … who has offered to fix the welding problem as well as the rotten floor problem for me for free… and then chase Sandy Dick for the money himself.

He is also going to have it MOT ‘d for me … at the garage I use for my car (and I trust them!).

Paul is also taking over the garage on a lease … and did not want the reputation of Sandy Dick hanging over his head.

I have accepted Paul’s offer after checking that it would not affect me instructing my solicitors to trace Sandy Dick and pursue him for a full refund on the motorhome … it may take a wee while, so at least by getting Alice Alice made roadworthy and safe, I can use her in the meantime.

I have reported the MOT garage, which was Cowdenbeath Autos ltd and now Fife Vans and Trucks Limited to DVSA … and let them know that I am not the only one with a dodgy MOT … so far I have found 3 others and there will be more out there … what DVSA do is out of my hands … and because they are a limited company I cannot sue the directors (who are travellers).   Hence why I am going after Sandy Dick on a personal basis .. he was the one that knowingly sold me a vehicle that was unfit for purpose and dangerous … and because he is not a limited company I can sue him personally, which is exactly what I will do.

I find it shocking that anyone would sell a vehicle that was unsafe … I wonder what they would feel like if it was their spouse or child that was killed in any accident … I certainly do not want that responsibility hanging over my head … and I think that suing him for the full amount I paid, plus legal costs … plus any costs that Paul incurs (which he will have to chase separately from me) … the stupid man is going to be more out of pocket … but so be it …  you picked the wrong  woman to try to cheat Mr Dick … and I am coming through the courts to get you … and my money back.

H

I really thought I had found her.

It turns out I was wrong … my kind and gentlewoman, who I truly thought I would be with for the rest of my life, admitted to being a party girl who just wanted fun in her life…. for me it was a sad loss … and I think, no matter what she thinks just now, she will realise just what she has flung away one day.

Life teaches us so many lessons … not all good, but things we need to learn… in order that we can move on and find what is truly meant for us.

I know exactly what I want and don’t want from a relationship (or friendship) and I am no longer willing to put up with anything less than I feel I deserve … loyalty, honesty and love … someone who thinks they are as lucky to have me, as I feel to have them.   It really is that simple.

It is one of my “can’t sleep” nights, but it is lovely lying here just listening to the rain…. and wee Sprout snoring!

I am thinking about my decision to join Match.com… and although I was wee bit wary about it, perhaps it is the right way to go. At least it gives me the chance to get to know someone before we meet up.

I know, for me, attraction in real life is key… I call it the “ooh” factor… it’s that instant when you look at someone and you think ” yep, I like you”.

I am not sure if I will meet anyone “romantically” on there or not… I am certainly not going to rush into anything just for the sake of sex, been there, done that, got the shirt!

My life is good, I don’t need anyone to “complete” me… and I am tired of relationships that just end up going nowhere.

If I do meet someone, she will be a woman happy with her life, strong and independent, who, like me, wants a relationship that will last, otherwise it is just a waste of time and emotion… and I have wasted too much of both to want to do that again.

I guess I just want that feeling of peace, that I only get when I love and feel loved equally in return. The feeling of belonging and being home.

When and if that happens to me again, then I will treasure it, even if it does end up making a fool of me again.

Today I’ve joined Match.com…. don’t lecture me about online dating… can’t be any worse than real life!!… I hope!!! Trouble is… out of 12 suggested profiles… 8 of them are my real life friends LOL. Ms Nae Luck Johnson!!