I was chatting with my friend Stuart over a wee drink last night. Stuart and I have been friends since we were 3 or 4 years old, nearly half a century! … as toddlers, children and teenagers we kept a close friendship .. so much so that our parents thought we would get married! … it was never anything more than a friendship, we just had a bond from a very early age .. and that bond was that we were both gay.
Stuart left Scotland in his teens to live and work in Italy (he went over on a summer break from university and never came back!)… I went off to join the army but we kept in contact and always met up if we happened to be in Scotland at the same time on holiday.
We have both had some great times in life, some tragic times, Stuart more so than me when his partner of many years died suddenly and it was a tough time in more ways than one for him at that time.
We were chatting last night about our lives, how things have changed recently, especially for me, and how we have found ourselves in settled and contented place in our individual lives.
We also talked about people we knew, and regrets that we had .. and funny enough both of us did not really have any regrets. For Stuart, obviously he missed his ex partner, but he had moved on, accepting and, although keeping memories in his heart, had moved on from the pain.
For me, my biggest regret is not having the courage to walk away from the life I was living years ago, and start to build a life that I want, and indeed, in many ways, need, for me to be happy.
I think back over the years and would I go back and change anything else … well.. No. The experiences I have gone through, good and bad, have all been part of the journey that I am on … and I do not want or need to look back over my shoulder.
I am moving forward, at my own pace, on my own path … and I am looking forward to discovering what lies ahead and perhaps seeing things through new eyes and a little bit more knowledge!
Brae. A gay woman's tale! 