If I could turn back time ……

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I was chatting with my friend Stuart over a wee drink last night.   Stuart and I have been friends since we were 3 or 4 years old, nearly half a century! … as toddlers, children and teenagers we kept a close friendship .. so much so that our parents thought we would get married!  … it was never anything more than a friendship, we just had a bond from a very early age .. and that bond was that we were both gay.

Stuart left Scotland in his teens to live and work in Italy (he went over on a summer break from university and never came back!)… I went off to join the army but we kept in contact and always met up if we happened to be in Scotland at the same time on holiday.

We have both had some great times in life, some tragic times, Stuart more so than me when his partner of many years died suddenly and it was a tough time in more ways than one for him at that time.  

We were chatting last night about our lives, how things have changed recently, especially for me, and how we have found ourselves in settled and contented place in our individual lives.  

We also talked about people we knew, and regrets that we had .. and funny enough both of us did not really have any regrets.  For Stuart, obviously he missed his ex partner, but he had moved on, accepting and, although keeping memories in his heart, had moved on from the pain.

For me, my biggest regret is not having the courage to walk away from the life I was living years ago, and start to build a life that I want, and indeed, in many ways, need, for me to be happy.

I think back over the years and would I go back and change anything else … well.. No.   The experiences I have gone through, good and bad, have all been part of the journey that I am on … and I do not want or need to look back over my shoulder.

I am moving forward, at my own pace, on my own path … and I am looking forward to discovering what lies ahead and perhaps seeing things through new eyes and a little bit more knowledge!

Standing on the edge…



I am standing on the edge of something new and unknown and I am smiling,

Everything just feels right and for once I have no stress, none.   Just the ability to live life for what it is.. a chance to make me happy .. and a chance to make a difference.

I have no money, I don’t care.   I have enough to get by and survive on and that is all I need right now.    

I am very excited about the future, I see a purpose again.   I have lost the feeling of just existing.   

There is fire in my belly and a smile on my face.    Actually .. it is more of a smirk! I have at last  found my place, found my freedom and it wasn’t half as frightening as I thought it would be.

I know I am lucky, I have been given a second chance and I am going to take it and run with it and hopefully make some people feel very special.   I am doing what I love.




Out with the old….

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This time of year can be a mixture of nostalgia and excitement for many of us.  

As Christmas and New Year approaches the different situations we find ourselves in can sometimes prove to be a hard time for many, especially if they find themselves on their own over this period.

This is a time for memories, of Christmas’s past, of old friendships and for some, old relationships.   BUT more importantly it is a time to remember for NOW….. the past will never come back, it is dead and gone and merely exists as a memory, a mix of happy and sad for some.  The present is your future memories.. make the most of today and don’t keep looking over your shoulder.  The future, well .. that has yet to be written but you will never move forward if you keep looking back.

Acceptance of change and being able to let go of the past is a difficult thing for many to do.    For some the hurt and grief is too much to accept and that is understandable.. we have all been there at some point in our lives BUT the best gift you can give yourself this year would be to take that first step forward.    Accept your past, enjoy your present and look forward to your future.

I wish you all that this Christmas and New Year … exciting times lie ahead for all of us, if we are just brave enough to open our arms to it.

Faith makes all things possible
Hope makes all things work
Love makes all things beautiful
May you have all the three for this Christmas.

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