Taking a risk?

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Today I have taken 1 wee brave step for me.. I have booked myself into a hotel in Chester to go to a meet for the girlies off Pink Sofa.

I know some of these women from online .. I speak to 5 or 6 of them on a regular basis and I’m looking forward to meeting them in real life!

It may be a bit of a risk for me .. but I decided to make the most of a long weekend as I feel I have been cooped up for a couple of weekends in the house and have been very bored.

I thought about it carefully .. what if I don’t like the company, well .. doesn’t really matter, I have friends who own a pub in Chester and I can always just sit in their pub and get slowly drunk!.

I tend to think myself out of doing a lot of stuff .. I put up my own barriers, resulting in me boring myself!  So I thought “why not!”  what is the worst that can happen .. well nothing really .. at the very least I make some nice new friends .. at the most .. I may just meet somone a wee bit special!

As the saying above says “The biggest risk one can take is not to take one”.

Roll on the 15th of October .. Im getting all excited already!

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Affection .. who needs it!

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Actually we all do!

Affection does come in many guises from snuggling up to someone close, to having a wee secret joke that no-one else gets and to simply a kind word or look or an unexpected gift just because someone thought of you.

Singledom in all its glory can be a happy place, and for the main I am quite settled but sometimes I miss the closeness of being with someone special.   I have great friends on and off line who are always ready with a funny comment or a kind word but it would be nice to find someone who wants to listen to my inane ramblings and rubbish jokes and who wants to snuggle in.

I asked some of the girls on PinkSofa what they missed most (apart from sex!) from not being in a relationship, and they pretty much reflected what I feel.   However it is not a trait that is wholly confined to the world of lesbians but to everyone.

Singledom can be lonely at times.  However being IN a relationship that is lacking in affection hurts a lot more than being lonely outside a relationship, it is extremely frustrating and soul destroying and slowly but surely saps your confidence.

Lets stand tall out there singlies! .. our time will come!  Until then .. sit back, smile and accept that all good things come to those who wait!

Love on a laptop

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The internet has had probably the biggest effect on personal relationships since the invention of the pill!

These days people do not have to leave the comfort of their slippers to meet new friends and lovers via the internet.

On the plus side, for a singly like me it does allow me to communicate with other lesbians from anywhere in the world to chat, socialise and generally have a laugh.

On the negative side it is easy to “fall” for someone without ever meeting them, the person you “want” is the person you have made up in your head which, more often than not, does not always match the real person.

I am very active on Facebook and Pink Sofa to name but two and I have a large amount of friends on both that I chat and joke with.  I have also met lovers off various sites, especially the old AOL Utopia boards.  I have met some wonderful people who I enjoy “real life” friendships with now and I have met some lovely lovers in the past who still bring a wee smile to my face.

Now, as an “older” lesbian back on the scene after an absence of 8 years I am slightly taken aback by the urgency that social media has brought to relationships.  I have never been one to “jump in” .. I like to “date” .. it takes me a month or two to make my mind up whether a relationship may or may not work.  I need to see through the lust to know whether I can really trust someone enough to give them my heart.    On the flip side, and being perfectly honest, I can meet someone knowing that there is never going to be a “relationship” just a friendship with the occassional “brief encounter”.

I can’t explain how or why I can separate love and sex, I just can.  Sex is important to me but more than that I need someone who I can be happy with without the sex but with affection.  

Until that someone appears (and as yet no sign of them on the horizon!) I will continue to make new friends on the internet and in real life with hopefully the odd “brief encounter” to make me smile!

Love and Lust

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Lust is a fire storm that all consumes.

A fire that burns fiercely, lighting your world and touching everything but like all fires, it does burn out.

More often than not you are left with ashes.

I want to left with embers of love.

Lust is strong, taking your mind, owning your soul.

Love is quieter, it doesn’t fill your head, it doesn’t cause butterflies, it is just a feeling of belonging, of comfort of being safe.

In the fight between Lust and Love, Lust will always win the battle but Love will always win the war.

Attitude

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Over the past couple of weeks I have been have, at times, found it hard to keep my temper and my mouth shut.  Sometimes I have had to take a very deep breath (or five).   Then, when I actually got round to thinking about things, I realised that I was letting other people dictate how I felt.   I have made the choice NOT to allow them to do this.  What they do and how they see things in their life does not have to effect me. 

I thought I would share this quote with you… there seems to be a few people out there who need to learn it! LOL

“Attitude

 The longer I live, the more I realise the impact of attitude on life.  Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.  It will make or break a company… a church … a home.

 The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.   We cannot change our past … we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.   The only thing we can do is play on the one thing we have, and that is our attitude….

 I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.   And so it is with you….We are in charge of our attitude.”

 Charles Swindoll

Now …

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Now

Yesterday, I thought of you.

For a moment you filled me with

a blindness I couldn’t explain.

I felt you within me, your touch,

your smile, your pain.

Today, I cared for you with a

rooted feeling of love, friendship

and trust.

I pitied you for wasted months,

worry and tears.

Tomorrow, I’ll forget what went before,

I’ll smile as a friend, talk

As a friend and care as a friend.

As I should always have done,

Yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Hassle free zone

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Right… I’ve had enough.

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try some people just cannot take NO for an answer.

I’m sick and tired of being understanding and caring and frankly I’ve had enough.

People try to push buttons in all sorts of ways, by trying to make you feel guilty/sorry/sad etc… well bugger it!

Sometimes being honest and saying what you think isn’t always the best way to go .. but it is the way I am.. and the way I will continue to be.

If you don’t like it.. fine .. that is not my problem.

Now .. accept what is, or move on.   Stop bugging me.   It will have the opposite effect to what you want!

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