Brae. A gay woman's tale!

In our lives we meet people who will end up being unforgettable for all the right reasons.

Not the ex’s or friends who betray and hurt us but the lovers and friends who stand by you through your tough times and try to help you find your peace again.

Each lover we have is not necessarily the one we will hold forever but to have someone in your life who you have loved and continue to love in a different sort of way is probably one of the most important things that we can have.   This love is more heartfelt and sincere than any other.

If we are really lucky we will meet friends who inspire us, make us smile in those wee quiet moments when we are alone and who make our life that little bit better by just being there and knowing they care.

Sometimes we never tell these people how much their friendship and love mean to us.  We are often embarrassed by it, scared of what other people will think, forgetting that the life we lead belongs to us, not to them.

So, to my special friends out there (if you are thinking “is this about me?” then it probably is!)

Don’t stop being who you are.   You mean more to me that I will ever tell you.

I am not a religious person.   Not at all.    I do not believe in the great “here after” or that someone above is looking out for me.

I do believe in the human “spirit” .. that little thing inside that makes us who we are.

Our “spirit” is made up from from lots of elements, some good, some bad, but whatever “mix” we have it makes us the person we are.  As individual and different as a snowflake.

I am not a perfect person, I am not always a good person.   I can be impatient, quick tempered, flippant, outspoken and I cannot disguise my dislike or like for someone or something.

I am proud of my imperfections because for all my bad points I know I have a flip side that is kind, caring (even if it is selective), funny, deep thinking and sensitive.  Although I do tend to show only parts of me to people who are not that close to me.

I value little things, peace, quiet, animals, a kind word, someone’s time to listen to me.   I place no value on expensive gifts and if I could survive without money I wouldn’t even need that.

I am an animal lover and like most pet lovers I love Brae, my dog and Bo, my cat.

Brae is the sweetest natured, friendliest wee thing that I can happily take anywhere without any worry.

Bo on the other hand is monster!

I live in a wee cottage in the country and unfortunately had a neighbour who was basically an old tramp, his house with filthy and he only ever washed his clothes about twice a year and they hung on the line for weeks! .. thankfully he is now long gone but during the time he lived next door I had a huge problem with mice.  They were actually very brave mice .. and once had one walk across my living  room floor right under the nose of Brae, who lay there and wagged her tail at it!

After numerous attempts to get rid of them I gave in the old fashioned method and bought myself a kitten, a lovely cuddly, cute wee thing (and in reality she still is!) BUT she has turned into this monster hunter.  Now, I know I shouldn’t complain, her whole reason for being here was to kill mice but I didn’t expect the problem with Vole’s.

Voles look very like mice, but they live outdoors and seemingly cat’s do not eat them because they taste bad to them.  So Bo catches them and brings them in the house!   I do not know how many I have had to catch and carry outside into the woodpile to release, often dressed in nothing more than a short nightshirt and slippers (me, not the Vole).   *I had to stop typing here to run outside to rescue yet another one that was squeaking in distress*

Over the past couple of weeks I must have had ten or so that I have picked up and carried outside.

When Vaner was living here, studying from home, Bo brought one in that caused chaos, phonecalls, screams .. the lot.  Thankfully I had another friend, Jackie,  pop by and rescue the Vole (and Vaner!).

Last week I had 3 friends pop in for a cuppa after we had been to the pictures to see Brave (ironic) .. when we walked into the living room Bo was happily hunting a Vole behind my log basket.   Fiona ran screaming into the kitchen, Sara sort of “lingered” by the front door and Kate and I attempted to catch the wee Vole.  Thankfully it ran inside my gardening crocs so Kate quickly squished the thing together to trap the Vole and I released it into the log pile.

Now ..either this log pile is now home to an army of Voles or the same bloody one keeps getting caught time and time again!

So when my time comes to leave this world I think that my epitaph should read:

“Here lies CJ Johnson, not a religious person, but saved many a Vole”

My cat will laugh.

I feel you ..

Today, without you, I feel you.

I keep busy to stop the thoughts of your touch, your tongue.

I keep busy to stop the wanting of touching you, tasting you.

 From the basement of my soul, They come to me,

 First gently, softly, then dark and powerful.

My control, your submission.

Your control, my submission.

 They come to me.

Over and over

Deeper and darker

 Your body, stretched before me

 Today, without you, I feel you

 I feel you…