Brae. A gay woman's tale!

We all have our ideas about values and morals within a relationship,  our “what is right and what is wrong” ideals that we try to live to. Unfortunately often our ideas are flung to the wayside as our rather more “basic” needs come to the fore! *smile*

Occasionally our ideas of right and wrong do not match our partners ideas, or our intentions are misunderstood.   This is not a fault, but simply human nature and we all, as humans, have different ideas and outlooks.   The secret to a more harmonious meeting of these values between two people is simple communication and understanding.

I completely messed up the other evening.  For what I meant as respect was taken as being unfeeling and I hurt the one person in the world who I care very deeply for in a very personal way.  I had no idea at the time that I was causing any hurt but boy did I find out about it afterwards!  *smile*

I honestly thought I was being respectful and showing consideration, my intention was to be honourable (not often I say that!) and instead I just managed to cock up!

So, in future, I will dance to the music of the devil ..   beware … these lips are just waiting <grin>

We all have thoughts and dreams of where our life will lead, for most of us these come to nothing, they remain in our head, an ember of what might be rather than what is.

Some of us set out on our journey of self achievement with a clearly laid out map or plan to to take us to our destination only to be left disappointed and empty when we do manage to achieve what we had perceived to be important.

Our make up as humans make us believe we know what will make us happy, feel complete, when in reality we often end up discovering by chance the things that are really important to us.

Life cannot be planned, there are too many diversions, discoveries and surprises that we cannot forsee until we are in a situation where we realise our original destination is not the treasure we thought it would be.

Sometimes sticking to the right track will get us to our perceived destination, but think of the beauty we miss out on if we are not willing to take a detour from time to time.  We may end up missing out on the greatest journey of our lives.

Oh dammit … what to do … be good and stay in and have a lovely quiet weekend (which after last weekend I should really do!) OR go out and party …

I really can’t make my mind up …

I am a woman of “many faces” .. I love solitude and peace .. I also love company and laughter.   I am torn with what to do….

I hate when I’m indecisive, it throws me off kilter.

Maybe I will go out … or perhaps I will stay in …

DAMMIT!!!

Have you ever lost something that you search high hand low for and just never find.  Then suddenly when you have given up it suddenly appears in front of you.

This is exactly what has happened to me .. I had really taken a step back (deliberately) from having a relationship or even from dating when my life was turned around in a very surprising way.

A couple of months ago I met someone at our Wednesday night club in Edinburgh.  A really nice girl, who was staying in Edinburgh until the middle of September.  To cut a long story short, I really never considered her a “possible partner” mainly because of the age difference but (even though one of my friends could see it a mile away) I never realised that she felt more than friendship for me.

Eventually (mainly due to me being stupid) she had to tell me straight out that she liked me.  It did fling me into a quandry, not only because of the age difference but because she was here such a short time and I really wasn’t in the mood for a fling.   I took a step back, had a wee think and decided that for a few weeks there would be no harm in having a nice time with a beautiful woman.

As it turns out our few weeks will now be at least  few months .. and the “nice time” has turned into something much more that has taken both of us by complete surprise.   She is a wonderfully funny, loving, intelligent, dizzy, beautiful woman and I look at her and wonder why she thinks I am so special.

I cannot believe that a few weeks ago I was unsure of whether to get involved or not .. there is a saying that you should be careful when gathering pebbles that you do not fling away a diamond.   I nearly made that mistake.  I am so glad that I didn’t.

What happens in the future is an unknown, I do feel she should go and live her life, see the world, do all the things she wants to do without the responsibility of having me to consider. I guess we will cross that bridge when we come to it .. but in the meantime, I will continue to enjoy my beautiful Senorita and laugh with the world.

We have all, at some point or another embarrassed ourselves greatly.

I am actually quite a master of embarrassing gaffs .. if medals were awarded I would clink and clunk around in my armour of gaff medals like a big Scottish Armadillo

Alas, no medals, just a bit of embarrassment and a whole load of jokes that are STILL being flung at me…

It all started sweetly enough …  let me go back to the beginning.

Last year an annual camping trip was planned for last weekend, being women without a crystal balls (ok ok .. I don’t mean it the way it sounds!) .. we had not forseen the problems with the weather and at the very last moment the trip was cancelled.

Thankfully I have some huge hearted friends in Karen and Twanky who kindly quickly organised a weekend in Blackpool in static caravans (much more comfortable than tents!) .. and .. even more kindly invited myself, Vaner and my friend Meg down to Leeds for 2 nights before hitting Blackpool.

Their hospitality was breathtaking, they wined us, dined us and robbed us of all our 5p’s at cards! and the 2 nights we spent there were filled with raucous laughter and alcohol (not something I normally partake in these days!).

Friday seen us up and away to Blackpool .. with Val travelling down by train to meet us in Blackpool .. the four of us (myself, Vaner, Meg and Val) in one caravan and Twanky and Karen along with the lady they are caring for in another).

After yet more robbing us poor Scots (and Spanish!) at cards (although to be fair I think Vaner did actually steal some of my winnings so I can’t blame it all on Twanky and Karen!) .. it was decided that on Saturday that Karen and Twanky would spend the day with their charge and the other four of us would hit Blackpool to do some sightseeing.

That was the plan.   It didn’t turn out that way… Basically it rained…. I was only wearing a t-shirt and trousers .. I was frozen .. then I remembered the lovely blue 99p cape that my sister had bought me for the holiday in Cumbria the week before .. so I put it on (please note that we had already consumed 2 jugs of Woo Woo’s at this point!)  .. much to the horror of Vaner (who does look like my carer in the photo above!) but also to the complete amusement to Meg and Val .. it did however serve it’s purpose and get me into the next pub relatively dry!  Where I proceeded to gift it to the DJ who so lovingly amused himself with taking the mickey out of the “fresh meat” lesbians who had accidentally stumbled into his bar.

Anyway .. to cut a long story short .. 9 hours of drinking and we gave up and caught a taxi back to our lovely static caravan .. well .. we would have .. but we couldn’t find the bloody thing .. these caravan parks are huge .. and every row looks just like the other .. eventually (after much winging and moaning from me!) we did find it and all was well again in the world.

The next day Meg and Val decided to take themselves off for a walk, Vaner was banned from going for run due to her heavy cold so we lurked around in the caravan.   Vaner was suffering badly and sneezed so violently she managed to head butt the wall … I laughed so much I farted loudly .. which caused so much hilarity I farted again (even more loudly) oh the shame!!! …. and I am not being allowed to forget it either!!!

I have just returned from holiday.   Now.. for me holiday’s are all about good company, hearty laughs and good memories.   This however was a holiday from hell!  It was thankfully just for a week (although even then it felt like a month!).

Actually, that is probably a bit cruel, there were some light fun moments but mostly it was a week of bickering and arguing between my mum and my sister.

They do actually still live together and this is “normal”, maybe it is for them, but it certainly wasn’t for me.

By the second day I could have happily packed my bags and come home but the pair of them haven’t had a holiday in 3 years so I felt a bit guilty about feeling so fed up with them both.

My sister does have her funny ways .. and my mum still treats her like a child, pandering to her all the time.

There are issue’s with my sister that we all know we have to accept BUT my mum has not helped the situation at all, she has made a rod for her own back by letting my sister off with things that are totally unacceptable.   The problem will be the future for my sister.    She is capable of living on her own but she will become a hermit, she refuses to throw anything away and she has “habits” that are torturous (including shaving her whole face!).

I know she is my sister and my mum mentioned about me “looking after her” when the time comes.   I have been very honest and said I will not do that.    I cannot cope with her.   I don’t want that responsibility either.

I may sound cruel and heartless, so be it, but most of the problems have arisen because of my mums refusal to get assistance or support for my sister.     I refuse to inherit that.