Brae. A gay woman's tale!

photo courtesy of Sue Fallon

There is something beautiful about the silhouette of the trees against the mist.  An air of mystery that we all interpret differently.  Some will see this as dark and eerie, some will see the beauty of moment, a snapshot of our world that can go from colour to gloom in a very short time and vice versa.

For me my period of gloom seems to be coming to an end, I am beginning to enjoy life again, I am more relaxed, less tired and beginning to see nice things in the future instead of a bleak hole.

In hindsight it has been a very interesting journey to a place where I haven’t visited before but I know I will not forget it.   I have had dark times in the past that were stressful, but thankfully short, but the mist that swallowed me this time seemed to creep up slowly, without me really noticing until I was completely surrounded and unable to see a way forward or back.   To call it a mist is probably an understatement .. it was a fog, that wrapped itself around me and took away my ability to see or hear things clearly, my world seemed muffled, my head empty and my thoughts bounced in a way I couldn’t understand.

I thought this was an ugly dark place, a place I wanted to escape from but had no idea how to.   I felt trapped, scared and totally unable to function in a way I could understand.  It is difficult to explain to others how this feels when in reality you don’t understand yourself.  Nothing made sense.

Looking back now the picture is clearer, I can see the path I took, a long and meandering path, that reflected the stumbling I felt in my head as I tried to find my direction but kept going round in circles, getting more and more frustrated with the feeling of complete incompetency and worthlessness inside me.

I can’t say it is a journey I have enjoyed, but on reflection it a journey I am glad I have taken, it has made me realise what is important to me, what my strengths are, what my weaknesses are and more importantly how many other people have taken the same journey before me.  No doubt there will be more in the future who will lose their way in the fog and my advice to you is just keep taking another step, eventually you will get to where you want to be, it may be a long slow journey and sometimes you will stumble but just keep taking another step, eventually you will walk out of it.