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This moment

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We lie

Stroking, touching, spent.

Hearing the rain on the window, the wind in the trees, a different world away

We lie

In our world, in calm peace, our silence speaking the words we cannot yet say.

You move, your body close and hot against me, your lips gently touching my neck.

We lie

Lost in the memory of our exploration, of our discovery of our cries.

Remembering the taste, the sounds, when we sought and reached and fell

We lie

Complete, in silence,

This moment I want to keep forever

We lie

Dusk

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Dusk

In the darkness of my room
with no company to be kind,
the stirring again begins
in the recess of my mind.

At first a memory,
from way down deep
that will once again deny me
from my right to sleep.
And then the pain, from way inside,
that rips apart
my soul,

my pride.

The physical need
to hold on tight
to someone close,
all through the night.

The dark, black thoughts,
cruel and bleak,

punishing me,

For being so weak.

And knowing that
It’s all my fault
I’m locked up tight
In this living vault.
Searching for me
And failing to find,
Because of the nightmare
Living in my mind

The Mirror

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I have been where you have been

I have seen what you have seen

I have walked the path and lost my way

I have cried all night to the break of day

I have lost everything as my world fell apart

I have had blows to my pride and broken heart

I have held on too long and let go too soon

I have sung in the rain and danced with the moon

I have kissed with passion and dreamt in vain

I have taken the hits and smiled through the pain

I have convinced myself that I am right

I have struggled to survive my longest night

I have loved to the full and a fool it made me

I have wore my heart on my sleeve for all to see

I have taken the blows and sometimes I fell

I have picked myself up so no-one could tell

I have made my own choices and made my own bed

I have gone my own way and never been led

I have lost to my demons and angels too

I know how it feels, because I am you.

You are my weakness

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You are my weakness,

my desire.

The smile on my face, the source of my fire.

The rebirth of my want.

Filling my head.

The drama of fantasy to be played out in bed.

The air that I breathe

As I start to live

And the source of my doubt of how much to give.

My soul is the devils

Wicked and wild.

My body is yours and I am beguiled

My heart is still mine

But as I start to live,

It is a dangerous thing, but mine to give.

You are my weakness,

My desire.

The smile on my face, the source of my fire.

Lovers Dawn

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Lovers Dawn

I awake slowly, listening to you breathing softly beside me.

I watch as you stir in the dusky light of dawn, your body outlined in the light, slowly moving in rhythm as you sleep on.

My hand reaches out to touch you, softly, gently and you stir again, slowly, a slow realisation of my touch, warm against your cool skin.

You move towards me, your head on my chest, your hands gripping softly at the small of my back, where the touch of your lips still lingers.

My hand moves of its own accord, slowly, skimming your skin.

You move again, open, ready for my touch.

Slowly my hand finds you, gently, softly, slowly I touch you, listening to your soft breath rising and falling, quickening with the soft touch I lay upon you.

You move again, raising your hips, a silent plea for more.  I wait,  I continue my slow touch, hearing your breath quicken, your hips move gently but more urgently.

I give in, I push in,  I hear a soft cry and I continue my slow gentle rhythm inside you.

Feeling your heat, feeling you slip between my fingers..

You move urgently now, quicker, harder and my fingers matching your rhythm, your urgency.

Your skin is hot now, your grasp on me tighter, pulling me closer to you.

A small cry, a shudder that ripples through your body and mine.

Your lips find my mouth,  a soft gentle kiss of confirmation.

You turn, your back to me now, pushing back for the touch of me against you.

I lie, listening to you breathing softly beside me.

I watch as you fall back into your peaceful slumber, your body glowing in the light,

Slowly moving in rhythm as you sleep on.

Why worry..

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Last week was a mixed bag of emotions for me .. I had a great time with my best friend in Croydon getting very, very drunk and met up with other friends in London for a day of frivolity and Margaritas (fab!).

I arrived back in Scotland on Monday chilled out, happy, relaxed .. unfortunately that didn’t last long .. by Wednesday afternoon I felt like escaping … but the week did improve.

I have a situation at the moment that is making me smile .. it is a very unexpected situation and one with many complications.  I have been worrying quite a bit about it .. whether I was doing the right thing .. whether I was being fair but at the end of the day it is something that makes me smile.

I haven’t had something that made me smile like this for a while, so it is lovely .. whether circumstances allow anything else to come of it I don’t know .. but at the moment it is lovely .. Im smiling and I am not going to worry about it.

I think that sometimes people (including me at times!) can overthink things .. I am now going to simply refuse to do this .. it is what it is .. and I like it.. why worry about it.. that only adds to the complications!

.. All change please ..

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Well .. here I am on WordPress, Ive moved the blog from Tumblr .. simply because I use wordpress for work and know how to work it better!

There have been a lot of changes in my life lately, some good, some not so good but all in all they are for the best.

Change is never easy in any shape of form and the thought of it is usually much more frightening than the actual doing!

My new “change” is to exercise more .. I need to lose two stone before I am happy with myself and I was considering joining a diet club BUT .. I don’t tend to overeat these days .. I do tend to sit on my ass and do very little exercise so that will change.

My date is Monday .. everything starts then

Watch this space .. hopefully I will be shrinking before your very eyes!

The old cat…

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The old cat

She sits and waits … there is no hurry

.. a warm day, the sun on her back

Watching

thinking of her next kill.. and the kills of her past

.. she stretches, then lies back down

Remembering

Her ears prick.. there are kittens about

… cute and popular,  exciting and playful

Annoying

She moves away.. cautiously, slowly

.. choosing her way,  she stops, notices

Hunting

She sits and waits … there is no hurry

How well do you communicate…

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I read a very interesting blog yesterday from my good pal and business colleague Jane Woods   http://www.changingpeople.co.uk/2010/stop-talking-to-your-partner/

It got me thinking…

One of the major breakdowns in any relationship, business or personal,  is the lack of communication, whether this is based on the fact that people just lose interest in listening or whether they just cannot communicate how they feel.

There is also the danger of miscommunication – these days social media has opened up a new route for people to communicate but we still have thoughts that we have to put in writing.  Thoughts and emphasis sometimes come out very different in the written word simply due to the lack of personal knowledge of that person or the lack of facial or vocal expression.

This has been a difficult week for me in my personal life .. my communication skills have suddenly hit a new time low and not just with one person..  I didn’t think I was to blame for any of the problems .. but the fact that it has happened twice in one week (and quite major misunderstandings) with two unconnected people makes me think the problem may be me.

I am tired trying to be heard and failing and I feel locked in my own little world .. and wondering if I am the only person in the world who thinks the way I do .. which is not something I have felt since my teens.

I am seriously thinking about taking a break from things and disappearing into the wilds of Scotland somewhere, where I don’t have to talk, don’t have to listen and don’t have to agree with anyone apart from me.

The person I need to listen to the most is me .. and I think Ive forgotten how to do that.

Between a rock and a hard place…

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Sometimes I feel I just can’t win ..

Life is never an easy path to tread but sometimes, during the more bumpy times, emotions are dragged through the hay backwards and can come out frazzled and a bit of a mess.

No matter what I say or do .. I am wrong ..  I can’t win. 

I am misunderstood, I misunderstand….

Sometimes you just have to give up, do nothing and wait for the dust to settle.

Maybe then we can call it a draw!

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