Closed for much needed holiday …

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Please leave your message after the tone   BEEEEEEEEEP!

This blog is officially closed until I return from Lesvos ..

We fly out on Thursday morning .. by Thursday lunchtime I will be on that beach!

I really can’t wait ..

.. I’m off to become a bronzed goddess!   (hmmmm… ok maybe I lie a little!)

 

 

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Bovine faeces

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Sometimes you have to cry STOP!   Sometimes you have to let go, and say what is on your mind.. sometimes you have to be bloody honest.   Today has been one of those days for me.

I don’t know if I am seen as being stupid, or an easy touch .. but I am neither.  Sometimes I keep my mouth shut to have an easy life.

Now and again I say what I think, what I believe.

Never try to pull the wool over my eyes.  I am far wiser than I let on, I am joker and a fool for a reason.   My own reason that helps protect me from bullshit, lies and narcissism.

People sadly underestimate me… because I let them, but the wise and the honest  see right through me and they understand.  It is a shame that more people do not.

Revel in your pity, revel in your angst – my life has no room for either.

A look within …

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Fortytude is a book by Sarah Brokaw… I admit to not having read it (yet!) but the introduction makes me nod my head in agreement

“It takes courage to look within, but this is what we must do.  By examining ourselves closely and coming to a deeper understanding of what matters most to us as unique individuals, we can separate the societal messages from our own hearts’ calling, let go of ideas of what should be, and instead embrace what is.  You can take a stand and say proudly:  ‘This is who I am.”  Or, if you’re at a point where you’re reinventing your life, you can say:  ‘This is who I want to be – and I’m going to go for it!”  This process takes a kind of strength that I call ‘fortytude.’”   Sarah Brokaw.

I totally agree with her … as someone who has met, shaken hands and said goodbye to my forties it proved to be a time for me when I came of age, when I finally accepted me, my faults and discovered the depth of strength that I have.

As I have entered my 50’s, with little grace or delicacy, I have realised that I have made little impact on the world, nor do I really want to.

I have changed as a person, I’m less wild these days.  I do still speak my mind and I know that I always will.   Not everyone will like that, but that is not my problem.

My fifties are where I finally have become the person I am happy with.     I did for a short while think I wasn’t .. I thought there were parts of me that had to change then I realised the key word there .. “change” ..  it wasn’t me who felt the need for me to change, but someone else.    They wanted me or needed to be someone I am just not.

Changes would have meant me sacrificing part of me to make someone else happy.  That is not the point of life and far too big a responsibility for me to undertake.

Happiness and change should come from within not from outside forces.  Let’s face it .. no matter how perfect we claim to be none of us actually are.   Nor should we ever wish to be.   It is our faults who make us human and as imperfect as we are it is normally the imperfections in someone we are interested in.

Attitude .. and a lesson in life

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“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, gift, or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our attitudes. “

~ Charles Swindoll

Bugger it!

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I’m off work today .. I felt a bit unwell at work yesterday but had a bad night and I feel totally wiped out today.

My blood pressure is  high again, I took a reading last night and again this morning and it hasn’t really changed.  It’s not at the “drop down dead” stage by any means but it is higher than it should be.

I’m not keen to do to the doctors again, the last time I had a problem with my blood pressure they couldn’t decide whether it was because I had a wee virus that was putting it up, or that it was my blood pressure that was making me feel to tired and unwell.

I am having a “doing bugger all” day just slobbing around, dozing, keeping warm and refusing to let my mind think about anything.

I am hoping that by tomorrow I am feeling a bit like myself again, I want to go out to meet the gals in Edinburgh tomorrow night.

Thankfully it is only a week until I fly off with three friends for a lovely holiday in Lesbos .. I don’t think it can come round soon enough!

I really need to chill, kick back, laugh my demons away….. even the thought of that makes me feel a wee bit better!

 

 

With a cutie on my lap…

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Doesn’t often happen so thought I would share this picture of Bailey and I!

CJ and Bailey

Leave the drama at the door

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I’m at the age where my priorities and outlook from what I want from life are much more simple and less “idealised” than what I wanted in my youth.

I no longer want to conquer the world or be a millionaire, I no longer envy what other people have because I have everything in my life that makes me contented and happy.  I would like to share this with someone.

I don’t want a partner to change or rock my world, I just want someone who understands me and my life. I simply want to keep being contented and have someone who makes me smile, understands my need for “me time” and doesn’t expect me to be the reason for their happiness or security.

I want a partner who has a life, enjoys her life, lives her life and has space in it to share some of her time with me and to look forward to our shared time together.

A relationship has to be a shared experience, not always 50/50 as sometimes one or the other will need support and understanding but it has to work both ways.

I don’t want to be rushed into things or made to feel guilty about parts of me and my make up that I have accepted and don’t want to change. I do not want to be changed, I simply want to be me, with someone who is comfortable in their own skin and life and someone that is happy to have me in their life to compliment it .. not to make it.

I want honesty, reliability and affection.  I want to compromise, not give in.   I want to laugh, not worry.

Too much to ask for?  You tell me..

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