and me
What a great day out with some great pals. Well worth a visit but remember to book!!
Japanese Gardens at Cowden
May 28, 2023
regular friends, Japanese Gardens Leave a comment
and me
Slow Down
May 26, 2023
regular attitude, contentment, life, peace, stress, time Leave a comment
I am learning to do this, although admittedly because of my dodgy hips and back, rather through choice… slowly but surely my peace is returning and clarity returning!
What’s love got to do with it …
May 26, 2023
regular abuse, love, Melissa, Tina Leave a comment
I was really sorry to read about the death of Tina Turner, not only was she a wonderful singer and entertainers but she was one hell of a woman too! Rising from being an abused wife to becoming a superstar, but more importantly a much loved wife… and a woman respected throughout the world.
As well as Tina Turner, Melissa Etheridge is also one of my heroines, rising from heartache to finding happiness again. I always loved her music and the songs resonated with my heart.
Sadly, I made a bad mistake by playing these songs to my then partner, who, after she had cheated on me, no doubt played the songs to her latest partner.
I was so excited to hear that Melissa Etheridge was coming to play a gig in Scotland, I’m not one for gigs normally as I can’t stand for long periods of time and prefer to be seated (with no-one jumping around in front of me so I can’t see!) …. I bought my ticket for the gig and then had a text from the ex saying “thank you for introducing me to Melissa Etheridge” … I knew then that she and her new partner would be going to the gig. I really couldn’t face that … so I sold my ticket to a friend.
For a long time I couldn’t listen to Melissa Etheridge tracks without getting upset, so I stopped listening. Slowly as I got over the heartache and began to see just who my ex really was, I realised that I had been fooling myself for many years. My ex cheated on past partner(s) … lied and “omitted” the truth to many times. I realise now why she reacted so badly when I asked her questions (in all innocence and with care) …. more the fool me.
It also explains why when it came to being intimate, she ignored my needs (I have arthritis in my hips and back) and thinking about it, in many ways she abused me, all through her own needs, not mine … so much so that becoming intimate was a big stumbling block for me, ending what should be a precious moment by having to ask someone to stop and spoiling the moment afterwards that should be emotionally bonding.
Thankfully I then met Ros, I told her everything about before … and she understood, but she had left an abusive relationship with a woman too … so perhaps it was that that bonded us … I loved Ros in a very different way from my ex … you always knew what Ros was thinking and she wasnt shy of telling me (I loved that about her) … often we clashed, but again I liked that, she was her own woman, not a chameleon who would change to fit the season (or the woman she was with).
I am glad I was by Ros’s side when she battled her cancer … she fought very hard, determined to the last to win her fight … but sadly even with her great strength and determination, she lost. I miss her … although her taste in heavy rock music (often blaring out from her craft room) is NOT something I miss …
Ros chose her own music for her funeral, infact she did everything apart from write her eulogy. I did that for her. The song she picked for reflection … as a message for me … was Yellow by Coldplay … a beautiful song that makes me cry everytime I hear it … but in a good way, full of happy memories and a love that was lost too soon.
Memories and leaky eyes
May 25, 2023
regular death, lesbian, life, love,, regret, time Leave a comment
A memory came up on my time line on Facebook today… it was a happy occasion, the wedding of my very good friends Zoe and Leanne.
I took their ceremony and by the time the evening guests arrived (including Ros)… I was very drunk! Which is very unusual for me, I rarely drink!
Poor Ros was on driving duty that night… (the ONLY time)… and as you can see, she wasn’t to happy about it! Even less so the next day when I didn’t want to get out of bed!
It’s such a shame that cancer stole her life in November 2022 at only 52 years old. She was the bravest and most caring woman I ever knew… even if she could put me in my place!
My Ros. My wife. I miss her.
Time Out!
May 24, 2023
I found myself with an enforced time out today … I had to take my car to the garage and since I didnt have any visits or funerals today, I decided to just wait on the oil being changed.
I was there for 2 hours … just “hinging aboot” … but you know what, I enjoyed it!
I knew I had to pop in to see my 2 friends and also that I had to get home to write two tributes before some friends come over this evening for a “dog park adventure” with the mutts … and although normally all of this would play on my mind and I would be worrying about whether I would get everything done on time, I decided to not worry … and to just relax!
I ended up having a right giggle with a couple of guys who were waiting for their cars and the cleaner who kept offering me shortbread … even though I told her that I would only accept cash … *smile*
I left the garage after finding out that my brake pads are needing replaced and I need a new front tyre … over £300 … but you know what … who cares, I have the money to cover it … Im putting the car back in to repaird in a couple of weeks to have the work done … and I am going to take the time to relax again! … I might even have a bit of shortbread this time …
Breathe
May 24, 2023
Freedom in any relationship is the truest form of love. Freedom to grow, freedom to grow and freedom to just “be”.
My late wife Ros fully understood this, we had mutual friends and interests but we also had our own friends and hobbies and just let each other be.
Ros wasn’t the jealous type, neither am I… we had a relationship based on emotional trust and there was never the jealousy of my friendships that I had to walk on eggshells with my ex. sadly, it realised too late that people judge you against their own morals and actions.
I doubt very much I will find myself in another relationship. I don’t have the emotional strength now. On top of that, physically I’m a bit of a liability. My mobility is bad, which may improve when I eventually get my hip replacement(s), but I have been told there is nothing that can be done for the arthritis in my spine … so I’m not sure just how much I will improve. So perhaps it is for the best I just learn to love myself.
I’m quite happy being single, although I do miss Ros, she was my best pal (and sometimes my worst enemy), but I liked all of that about her. The fact we could argue and disagree… but (usually) ended up laughing about it.
I have always been lucky with my friends. They know I like to be sociable, but they also know that when I’m a bit emotionally tired, that I like my space too. I’m also like I he fact that they are always honest with me, if I’m being a twat, they tell me (and believe me… I can be s twat at times!)… but I respect honesty and truth… although not always easy to hear, at least it is respectful.
So here is to all the people who let us breathe… they are more important than you think.
Brae. A gay woman's tale! 