Brae. A gay woman's tale!

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Vaner’s first acting class!

For most of us life can be a struggle.  We go through tough times in life in various guises, whether it be a broken heart from a failed relationship or a deep hurt from what we perceive as “failure” whether it be in business or in family matters.   We do have bad times, we also have good times, but it is finding a balance that satisfies us that is the key.

For some of us we live in a world of “what if’s”  .. of course a little fantasy can help us achieve our goals and our dreams but sometimes people do live in a fairy world of “perfection” where they expect their relationships or their jobs to give them total fulfillment, more often than not they end up disillusioned and bitter.  Perfection does not exist, it never will.

Sometimes we doubt ourselves far too much, sometimes we settle for something we know isn’t right for us but will “do”.   Sometimes we just get lazy and bitter or take the easy option because we know it can’t hurt us.

We all do it, at times we all suffer from doubts, we all feel lost, we all feel sad and worthless.  What we have to do is accept that this is how life is, sometimes it will just be a bloody pain… the quicker we stop wallowing in self pity, roll up or sleeves and decide to do something about it the better.  An action ALWAYS has a reaction.

It is our actions that will decide on our future and our happiness.

Never hold back because of pride or embarrassment, you may not get the answer or the reaction you want, but you will lose some of the doubt and the “what if’s”.

If you try, even if you fail, you have still succeeded.

pro·found/prəˈfound/
Adjective:
(of a state, quality, or emotion) Very great or intense.
Noun:
The vast depth of the ocean or of the mind.
Synonyms:
adjective. deep – thorough – sound
noun. profundity – depth – deep – abyss – chasm

Tonight I thought I would take time out to write something meaningful and interesting.   Instead all I will say is….

I’m tired.

… There is truly only one way to lose weight (apart from eating less and moving more!) .. and that is the winter sickness bug .. also known as Norovirus.

I am recovering today after two days of hell .. how can a wee bug make you feel so bad .. I honestly didn’t know what end to point at the toilet .. the stomach cramps were unbelievable .. and even my dog  kept sitting staring at the grey faced monster in front of her.  The kitten wasn’t so kind.. she just kept on doing her “thang” and demanding to be fed whether I could stand the smell of her food or not!

On the plus side, at least Vaner is in Spain visiting her parents, she hasn’t had to put up the pathetic patient that I am (crabby, demanding and, frankly, pathetic!)

Yesterday, during Hurricane Bawbag (yup .. we Scots come up with fab names for things!) I sat here with my coal fire roaring, the wind howling round the cottage and the pets fast asleep on the sofa thinking how perfect this picture would be if it wasn’t for the fact I had diarrhea from hell.  Actually just having diarrhea was a blessing, the day before it was sickness and diarrhea.   I got cocky.. I cooked an omelette ..

Uh oh .. bad mistake … the sickness came back with a vengeance and I did actually have a wee cry..mostly out of pure frustration that I felt so bad, but also because there was no-one around to go “there there there”.

Today has been better, my stomach is settling down, I can actually eat something and keep it like a normal person .. whoo hoo

Then the post came .. a letter from the tax office ..  OMG!! where is the toilet …

I owe them £538.00 in underpaid tax … my accountant is going to get a tough time on Monday!

Some weekends just seem to come and go without me ever achieving anything.. this weekend I got lucky!

Friday night was our Christmas party .. a night out for the 6 of us from Brae to the conference centre in Dunfermline for one of their party nights.  What a bloody laugh, good company, good food and good wine (perfect really) and we amused ourselves greatly at some of the other party guests … sadly lacking in mirrors in their homes.

Saturday I took myself off to Edinburgh to meet an old pal and her girlfriend who were visiting Edinburgh.  Some of my Edinburgh pals also came along too and it was fabulous to see Jane after all these years.. again much laughter and lovely chats with everyone.  I had missed out on my usual Wednesday night jaunts to Edinburgh for a couple of weeks due to having the other 2 dogs staying for 8 days.    Love them as I do they were too much for my wee place .. I did attempt to pick up the poops this morning but with half the garden done and half a bin bag of shit I gave up ..either nature will take its course or I will sob pathetically in work tomorrow and ask Karen to come and pick up her dogs shits!

Today my plans were foiled a little as Vaner was asked to work today but we managed to get ourselves out of the house reasonably early and headed up to Crieff.   It was a lovely sunny but crisp morning here at the cottage but by the time we hit Dunfermline (3 miles away!) there was a definite little layer of snow.

By the time we had reached Glendevon I was sliding all over the road .. a bit scary to say the least but we passed a snowplow heading in the opposite direction so I had a feeling it would be easier on the way back .. and it was!

It was a great day .. Vaner being particularly excited about seeing her first Scottish snow .. poor wee soul … it was only a dusting .. I fear for her mental health if we get snow like we did last year!

Tonight I am all tucked up with the coal fire blazing, a fabby pasta cooked and life is peaceful and easy.   Although I do have to drag myself out later to go and pick Vaner up after her shift but at least I will come home to a warm home!

The only slight disaster was losing the lovely thumb ring I bought when we went to Brighton .. however the good news (yeh!) is that I found it … the bad news (boo!) was that it was in the ashes of the fire this morning! … it is completely black (not a good look for a silver ring!)  and currently soaking in a cup of coke in the hope that it will come up nice and shiny again!

Vaner is away next week, she is going home to Spain to see her parents and friends, I have to admit I am slightly jealous … a week in the sun would be fab right now!   but on the 4th of January we are off to Cyprus for a week so at least it isn’t too long for me to wait.

I am a Scot.   I have played for Scotland at hockey. I have served in the Army. I have my own business.   All of these things I have been very proud of.   I also happen to be a lesbian.

I am not a religious person.  I never have been, I never will be.   In my opinion the bible is a load of old tosh, written by individuals with their own opinion and views (a bit like today’s Wikipedia!)…

I am disgusted and frankly astounded at the Church of Scotland’s stance again gay marriage.     The church is, and always has been, a corrupt and bigoted organisation that has had too much power in the past.

Ask yourself this

How many wars have been caused by religion?

How many wars have been caused by homosexuality?

How many acts of peodophillia has the church covered up?

How often has the church treated women like second class citizens?

The Church of Scotland should hang it’s head in shame.

One of the major statements released reads  “To redefine marriage to include same-sex marriage may have significant and, as yet, inadequately considered repercussions for our country, for the wellbeing of families, communities and individuals.”

Really?

And how can the fact that two people who love each other and want the right to choose a church wedding cause such civil chaos?

Im afraid religion has once again become an excuse for bigottry … a sad and frankly embarrassing time for Scotland… we are a country going backwards.

The link to the full article can be read here  http://www.scotsman.com/news/politics/kirk_joins_fight_against_homosexual_marriages_1_1990223