Brae. A gay woman's tale!

The last four years have been been life … and death changing.

After the heartache of losing a woman I loved with all my heart due to her lies snd cheating, I was a bit cynical about women and after having a couple of disastrous dates, I decided to give up and just stay single.

The day I went online to cancel subscriptions to a couple of lesbian dating sites, I noticed a message from a woman, who just happened to live locally.

To cut a long story short, we decided to meet for lunch at a local beach side cafe, in Aberdour. Ros had just come out of an abusive relationship and so we both had a lot of hurt and trust issues… but perhaps we recognised that the hurt of our pasts somehow bonded us… and our lunch meet became our first date!

Little did we know then that our journey together was going to be life changing, in more ways than one.

A year into our relationship, Lockdown happened and it was then that we decided that Ros should move in with me.

Just 6 months later, Ros was diagnosed with stage 3 endometrial cancer…. And so began a new journey.

Ros had to undergo a huge operation, that caused additional problems and caused a delay to her chemo and radiotherapy treatment. In the middle of all this her mum passed, and with the exception of just s few of her family, her relatives were downright disgusting. Ros came through this with dignity and strength, that left me in awe of her.

Then my mum became ill and eventually a place had to be found for her in a care home. Thankfully she settled in well and it was one less thing to worry about.

Unfortunately, my arthritis decided to make life even more difficult… and my mobility is now badly effected, leaving me only able to walk short distances with crutches.

Just after this happened, Ros’s cancer returned and this time it was terminal. Ros had asked me numerous times to marry her… I had always said no… but when she was told she was terminal, she gave me no choice and so in August 2022 we married in the hospice gardens. The next few months were a cycle of Ros coming home, being in tremendous pain, or drugged up to such a level that she couldn’t function. It was hard for Ros and hard for me… the emotions switched from sadness through frustration to anger and despair. The medication removed a huge part of reasoning but without it Ros was in agony.

Through all of this I was working full time, running her to appointments or visiting the hospice, all while trying to juggle the dogs and visiting my mum… and I found it tough.. both emotionally and physically. Sometimes I felt I was going to break, I had never found life so tough… then I stepped back and realised how selfish my thoughts were… and that is when the guilt started. I was tired, but Ros was dying. I was frustrated but she was scared… and I couldn’t do anything to fix that.

Ros passed peacefully in November. Myself, her niece Natalie and her gf Laura were by her side for days and nights… Ros didn’t wake for 4 days and when Ros did pass, it was in the middle of laughter… I like to think she could still hear us… and I tell everyone she died laughing, I like to think she did.

This is my photo tribute to the kindest, bravest and sometimes most annoying woman I knew… and loved.