That is love.

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ImageA friend of mine posted something on Facebook today …   part of it is posted below:

“I fall in “LIKE” easily…. But it’s very hard for me to fall in “LOVE”…. Let me explain.

In the beginning people show you the best side of them, the side they know you’ll like… They always seem almost perfect and you can’t believe your luck. You can’t believe someone who’s almost perfect and single is giving you an opportunity…. and that’s why I fell in “LIKE” really easily…. Because I liked what they were showing me in the beginning. I started thinking this person’s great, amazing, almost perfect and I can see a future….. 
Here’s where it changed…. They’ll do something, say something or start to change their character in a way where you’re like “hold on this isn’t the person I liked”…. 
Too many people are “temporary” or “throw away” because they’re fake or can’t be truly themselves in the beginning. And that’s why I find it hard to fall in “LOVE”.
I just wanted someone who’s consistently the same. No switching and changing on me.”

This rung a chord with me … 

People will say what they think you want to hear in order to get what they want.   I have fallen for some wonderful old lines “Im not like that” “let me show you what it feels to be loved” .. and in the end they have been just words.   

I do not think I am a particularly complex person .. simple things make me happy … I like peace, I like to laugh, I like to feel secure and wanted.

I cannot stand being constantly let down, disappointed, not listened to or feel like I am being used…. or in one case, like a secret that was too embarrassing to admit to.   Yet, in a relationship, I find that this is often how I feel.

I made a conscious decision to take time out for myself a couple of years ago .. I needed the time to concentrate on fixing me rather than trying to always be the support for someone else.  It is a decision I do not regret, it has made me see myself in a different light, what I need, what I want and to let things go that used to play on my mind.    

I have been very lucky with the close friends that I have, who have understood that sometimes I just need to be alone .. to potter, to do nothing, to think … to be me… but if I have needed them or wanted company, they have been there with their silent, but very appreciated, support.

I have a very different life to the one I had a year ago … I have no stress, no worry, I have peace in my heart and in my mind . and it is truly a beautiful thing to realise that you wake up happy every morning.

Maybe I am destined to remain single … I am certainly not worried about whether I meet someone or not .. but I do know that when, and IF, I do meet someone it will not be someone who sets my soul on fire for a short time … it will be someone who makes me feel the embers always, someone I can rely on.  Someone who gives me peace.

For me, that is love.

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The Richness of Life

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Over the last two years my life and my circumstances have changed beyond recognition.

The depression brought on by stress was a very tough time, but in hindsight it made me stop and look at my life and what really made me happy rather than what I thought would make me happy.

I know I am a woman of two halves.   I love my friends and socialising and yet I love time on my own, in my peace.

Lately my circumstances have curtailed the times I can spend socialising.    I have had to plan what i can do, I have had to hold my hands up and say “sorry, I can’t make it” … sometimes I have lied and used various excuses rather than admit the real reason .. but the more I think about it .. it is the embarrassment of not having money that makes me do this and the question I then ask is .. why?  …. I have no idea .. so … I have decided to be honest and say please excuse me if you think I am being unsociable, but I have to pull the belt in for a few months.

The strange thing about having no money is the peace I have found…. maybe it is a mixture of now embarking on something that I want to do rather than I have to do … maybe it is because I realise that I do not need a lot of money to be happy, I have peace in my mind once again.  I am happy.     

No amount of money can buy that.

What is love?

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Following on from a question on one of the facebook groups tonight … a question was asked .. “what is your idea of love?”

It is a very difficult question to answer as there are many types of love.   We are capable of loving people in very different ways, from the love we have for our family, the love for our friends or the love that can break our hearts.

Even a romantic love cannot be parceled up and put in a box.  I have had various lovers over the years that I have loved, but I have never loved the any of them in the same way.

I probably have a very boring view of love.  The passion and the drama are exciting at first but I soon tire of it and it is when this dies down that I begin to love, or not, as the case may be.

For me I need a love that gives me peace.  A love that is independent and true.   No drama, reliable, comfortable.    The sort of love where you can sit in silence doing nothing and being perfectly happy.   The sort of love when you think “we” instead of “I” and you feel comfortable in planning ahead.   

A partnership of peace and contentment.

Too boring for some I know.   But perfect for me.

 

The simple things …

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I have just returned from a wonderful holiday in the Highlands of Scotland … Spean Bridge near Fort William.    It was beautiful, warm, peaceful and fun.      The pictures can speak for themselves…. Hover over the picture for a description.

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She began to live again

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She began to live again.

As her fingers skimmed the skin of her lover, touching, teasing.

The gentle touch of her lips on her lovers skin turning a key that had been long shut.

Her tongue trailing, outlining, tasting the woman beneath her.

The soft tremble of her lover, the quiet gasps and the quickening of her breath.

She felt it then, the awakening of her own skin, every touch, brush of skin on skin feeling electric.

Every part of her crying out to be touched as her fingers danced and moved on her lover.

Her soul awoke and her time would come once more.

A woman’s soul

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A woman's soul

How to understand depression

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I found this video doing the rounds on Facebook.

Last year I suffered from depression. To say it was a shock to the system is an understatement.

In a way it was probably one of the best things to happen to me… it made me stop, think and re-evaluate my life. Decide what is important, and what is not.

I have tried in previous posts to describe this time, but this video says it much better than I ever could!

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