The Beauty Within


I found this today on another site .. someone had received it by email and decided to post it ..  I thought I would share it with you.

The Beauty Within
Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident tomcat. Ugly loved three things in this world fighting, eating garbage & love.

The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had their effect on Ugly. To start with, he had only one eye and where the other should have been was a hole. He was also missing his ear on the same side, his left foot appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner.

Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby, striped type, except for the sores covering his head, neck & his shoulders. Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction.”That’s one UGLY cat!!!”

All the children were warned not to touch him, the adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave.

Ugly always had the same reaction. If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around your feet in forgiveness.

Whenever he spied children, he would come running, meowing frantically and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love. If you ever picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, whatever he could find.

One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbor’s dogs. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly’s sad life was almost at an end.

As I picked him up and tried to carry him home, I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. It must be hurting him terribly, I thought. Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear. Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying, was trying to suckle my ear.

I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring. Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled scarred cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion.

At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen. Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain.

Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly.

Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful.

He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply. To give my total to those I cared for.

Many people want to be richer, more successful,well liked, beautiful, but for me… I will always try to be Ugly.

Taking responsibility for your actions

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Ahhhh… good old lesbian drama!    Life would really not be the same without it.

Today has been one of those days when I have been flung into confusion whether to feel sorry for someone or decide to let them fester because of their unique refusal to accept responsibility for their own actions.

Sadly I have seen this often and even within a previous relationship I was in many years ago.

Bullies, whether they are gay, straight, male or female are all out of the same batch of rotten apples.  Everyone else is to blame for their situation, they turn stories around to become the victim and gain sympathy whilst all along refusing to accept responsibility for their actions.  This is called in medical terms “Projection

I have no time for these people.   To me they are a waste of my time and something that I would compare to what I often find at the bottom of my shoe.

I have, sadly, had to drop friends from facebook who I know are connected to this woman.  It is not a personal slight against them but done to stop the childish pathetic vitriol of a sad and pathetic woman.  It has also been done to stop the police getting involved.

This woman will never have a successful relationship, her jealousy and need for utter control will ruin every single relationship that some poor soul is liable to have with her.  She will use friends for her own needs and will bully and rant at every opportunity.

Her main point of anger is that I now have what she wants.   She had it, but blew it because of her actions.  The blame for this lies firmly at her feet.  How much do you bet that she will never accept that.   It will be everyone else’s fault but her own.

So, if I have dropped you from my friends list on Facebook, I’m sorry… but I have no wish for this woman to know of anything that I am doing with my partner and my life.    I will be happy to accept you back anytime, but only when you no longer have a connection to this woman.

Oh and yes .. by the way it was me that reported her on Pinksofa .. she had already been banned under at least 1 of her screen-names and if I see her on there again under yet another, I will report her immediately.

Living and learning

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Living is like tearing through a museum. Not until later do you really start absorbing what you saw, thinking about it, looking it up in a book, and remembering – because you can’t take it in all at once.  (Audrey Hepburn)

I found this today .. and it made me realise how true a statement it is.

Over the past year I have done a lot of soul searching in my personal life and made decisions that were not easy at times, but I knew were right.

I sat back, thought about my life in general, and realised that I had a reached a place where I was happy.  I was alone but settled and rooted in who and what I am.

I was contented enough with the rest of my life, my business, my friends, my family, my home that it really did not matter if someone came into my life or not.

Out of the blue someone has… completely unexpected and has made me stop dead in my tracks and remember back to when I was young and not yet cynical about life and love.

I think I always knew that love was meant to stir your heart and your mind .. but more importantly your soul, I had just never found someone who could.  I have never believed in a soul mate, I never believed in “forever”.

I do now.

Miscommunication …

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Sometimes.. no matter what you say, or how you say it, people will only hear what they want to hear.

There is very little we can do about this .. apart from accept the fact that sometimes you just have to shake your head and think “get on with it”.

However, occassionally, there are genuine mistakes in communication, that not only change completely what you were trying to say but leave you unable to speak for laughing.

Many years ago, when I first came into recruitment, I was working for a company called Three Tees in London.   One day one of my friends rang me up.  She was working for a stockbrokers and was looking for a junior to join their office staff.  They had to be computer literate and also have the “backbone” to work alongside the brokers.

I duly advertised her vacancy and pulled applicants in for an interview.   One of the candidates was a young girl of 18, bright as a button and looking for her second job.    I had been unsure when I spoke to her on the telephone whether she would have the personality to deal with the brokers but thought I would invite her in to meet with me so I could judge her better face to face.

When she came to our offices all my fears disappeared, she was a lovely wee thing, confident, funny and not at all nervous.   During the interview I was explaining the full job description to her and said;

“The company use specialist broking software on Wang computers”

She had a puzzled look on her face and said “why….. do they keep breaking down?”

That stopped me dead in my tracks … I looked at her and tried to take in what she meant.

Then it hit me …. My wee Scottish accent had made it sound like the company were using WANK computers ….

I did try to explain as best I could but I was in fits of laughter .. and so was she when she realised what I had really said!

I immediately rang my friend who had given me the job.. relayed the story and she immediately asked to see her for interview.

Not only did she get the job but 2 years later was promoted to a Junior Broker …

Sometimes miscommunication acts to your advantage but mostly a sense of humour can get you a long way!

A failed romantic…


I am trying to be romantic .. I really am ..

I’m just not very good at it …

My lovely partner comes up with all these wonderful idea’s … and all I can come up with sending her toilet rolls  (yus .. I did) .. it’s that damn practical tight fisted Fifer in me!

(ok maybe I did sent a fruit basket, shortbread and mineral water too .. but hardly the stuff to bowl a woman over!)

I need to practice .. I tried some cute lines on “ma dug” .. however the only words she really responded to were “treat, pee pee and Granny Isa” .. so that didn’t work.

I guess I will just have to rely on my good looks and charm  …   I mean .. look at me .. who could resist!

I’m not the type…


I’m not the type to be blown away or reckless with my emotions  …  I’m far too much of a cynic and far too cautious for that to happen to me.

I’m not the kind who pines away .. or wishes my days would pass in a blur so I can see your face again.

I’m not the sort of girl who will sit with a smile on her face just at the thought of you.

I’m really not.

Then why have I become the person I have never been.

The type who has to admit that “love at first sight” really does happen

The kind who can’t wait to see you again just to be able to hold your hand.

The sort of girl who has had her breath taken away … and doesn’t mind a bit…

Dirty washing for all to see ….


Sometimes … just sometimes … I could swear!

Tonight I have been a domestic goddess (unusual, I know!) …

I cooked a lovely salmon pasta, have strawberry jam bubbling away in my slow cooker, tidied up and done a HUGE washing.

It’s a lovely sunny evening here, windy, perfect for drying.

Out I went and hung all my washing up… thought nothing much of the line getting lower as I was hanging up my very last t-shirt until suddenly all my washing was on the grass!

My big metal pole that holds the line up had snapped at the base…. there was cursing aplenty (pity my poor Jehovah’s Witness neighbours!) …

It’s completely broken, caput .. deeded … but luckily I managed to tie the end of it to a hook on my wall so at least I managed to get my washing dry but I fear my DIY repair will not last long and the line has a big black blob of black paint in the middle of it (my fault .. I painted the pole last summer and couldn’t be bothered untying the line from round the now deeded pole!)

Do I invest in a whirly one… do I buy a new pole?  or do I simply buy a long new line and replace the one I have … the Fifer in me says just buy a new line …   I bet I do!   As they say about us lot … “short arms .. deep pockets”

Pahhhh ….


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Life is a funny old thing… just when you think you know what it is all about, it flings you a curve ball.

This weekend has been a bit of a turning point for me.   I have been sticking my head in the sand over a lot of things due to being so frustrated with myself and my lack of being able to feel.

I had given up on any sort of relationship .. I couldn’t let my heart go .. I kept it to myself.

I do not know what the magic key was .. or how someone managed to find it so quickly, but something very special and very surprising happened to me this weekend.

To say I am surprised is an understatement .. but it is the most welcome and beautiful surprise that has completely bowled me over in the nicest way possible.

Thank goodness for surprises and for someone who managed to show that you should never give up on your feelings.

Sometimes you just have to take life and what it throws at you and run with it .. I have a feeling this is going to be a marathon ….

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