All change ….

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Change is inevitable in our lives.  We constantly grow as people, change jobs, begin (and end) relationships, grow up, move on.    We never stay still and nor should we.

I have felt for a few months now that there are changes afoot in my life, with me personally I mean.. I have felt different more settled and less stressed.   It didn’t happen overnight, it took time and for most of that time I didn’t even know it was happening, but things are definitely different now. 

I am still undergoing tests to hopefully solve the problem with my knee and back (turns it is a mix of arthritis and flat feet!!)  how glamorous!! LOL        I have to attend a Bio Mechanics clinic to try to get them to realign me … BUT .. the doctor has told me that I can help myself by losing weight … and in all honesty, I do need to… so … I will.    I am also going to stop smoking… I know I have said this and failed miserably in the past .. but the time feels right now.. I will continue to smoke when I am on holiday but on my return I will make a serious effort to stop smoking and improve on my fitness too.

We do have to accept that  it is our responsibility to make decision to change things that are not good or not helpful to us.

I am very bad at doing things for “myself” .. I tend to be better if I feel I am doing it for someone else but at the end of the day I do know that no-one can be responsible for me .. I make my own choices.  

Maybe it is time to make some good ones.


Where does your heart lie …

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Sneaky Thoughts…

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Do they sneak up at night when you are trying to sleep?

or in a moment of quietness?

In the sound of music, a song, a verse?

A flash of a memory.  A pain or a smile?

An opportunity lost.   A moment’s regret?

a battle of your heart over your head?





It is time ….

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..  to start getting excited about my holiday to Romania!    I have packed already .. I also have one or two wee gifts for my beautiful friends and I really cannot wait to see them again.

We met last year in Spain and it was instant friendship!   We have kept in contact via email and Skype and unlike most holiday friendships, this one has lasted and grown stronger.

One of my close friends, Alex, is coming with me … unfortunately she has recently broken her ankle but .. since both the Romanian girls are doctors I guess they are the perfect people to go on holiday with!  … I am not that useful, but I can carry Alex’s bags!  (I will probably grump and moan a bit, but do it anyway!).

Friendship is a wonderful thing… I have friends going back right to my schooldays and I love them all in a very special way.    We do not have to pretend to be someone we are not around each other, we just care deeply, knowing our friendship is based on trust and loyalty… and maybe a tiny wee bit of madness!

So here is to Sunday .. and seeing two of my most beautiful friends again *smile*  … I think I may be just a wee bit in love with both of them … 




Peace …

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I have been angered and dismayed at the generalisation and racial comments that I have witnessed on Facebook over the past few days.

I am not a believer in any religion .. I truly believe that the beliefs and our actions show much more of our humanity and compassion than our “claim” to believe in any particular ideology.

I am an ex army girl .. and very proud of that fact.   I am Scottish/British through and through and love our wee collection of countries that make up GB/UK.

What happened in Woolwich is a brutal tragedy, he was one of ours attacked by two cowards who set out to murder that day.   They happen to be Muslim and decreed that the murder was carried out in the name of their religion.

This was not caused by religion .. this was caused by evil men with hate in their heart.

The way in which this cowardly murder was committed is horrific and the media coverage has, in my view, been intrusive to the point of obsession.   It is tragic, it is simply a horror, but every murder is.

We cannot allow ourselves to tar every Muslim with the same brush, we cannot believe that every priest will abuse children, we cannot believe that every Irish person believes in terrorism for one side or the other.

I have one hope from this tragic murder that we realise that extremists believe in their own ideology.   They are not representative of a race or a religion.

We need to make a stand against the radicals of all types.  Maybe then we will find peace.

If you are going to fall in love with me …

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If you are going to fall in love with me,
It’s only fair that you know what you are falling in love with.
You are falling in love with my insecurities,
And my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me.
You are falling in love with my immaturity,
My constant need to feel loved and appreciated,
My overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession,
And my tendency to jump to conclusions.
You fall in love with my troubled past,
My unrealistic hopes and dreams,
And the fact that I seriously believe they could come true.
You fall in love with my wild temper,
My illogical thought process,
And how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart, despite my feminist views.
If you fall in love with me,
You fall in love with my self-hate, all my imperfections,
And my perception that nobody could ever love me.
You fall in love with the history that has caused me to think this way.
But you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I’m with you,
The way I’ll text you in the mornings just to tell you I hope you have a great day,
And at night, to wish you sweet dreams.
You’re falling in love with the occasionally thought-provoking things I say,
And the silly things I do in an attempt to see you smile.
You are falling in love with the way I blush when people ask me about you,
And how I’ll hold your hand, even if we’re fighting.
But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me,
Despite my thinking that it is impossible.


Kiss me …

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Kiss me

As you move on me 

Kiss me

As my hand slides behind you

Kiss me

As I find you, wet

Kiss me

As you feel me, push

Kiss me

As we slide

Kiss me

Oh .. just kiss me ..


Bring him home

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Alex Keirl sings “Bring him home” on Britains got talent …

This is so perfect it made me cry. fantastic.

Bird song

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Fly with me said the Sparrow

I cannot said the Hawk

I cannot fly the distance you have to travel


Stay with me through winter said the Hawk

I cannot said the Sparrow

I do not understand winter


The heat will return said the Hawk

Not quick enough said the Sparrow

I need to travel, to touch the heat to survive


Let me show you new worlds said the Sparrow

I have to stay, to defend my nest, said the Hawk

I need to soar in the funnels of the wind


Let me show you my strength one more time said the Hawk

Then catch me said the Sparrow

For without you, I have no song

The power of time

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We have all hurt.   

We have all had times in our lives when our hearts are breaking, our minds in turmoil and our peace lost.

We just have to accept that this is part of life, sit back and accept that we will heal when time has softened our hurt.

Sometimes we try to rush, to paper over cracks, to desperately find something, even temporary, that will make us feel better, and to forget our pain.

There is no timetable, no set date … we are all different.  



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