Brae. A gay woman's tale!

Well, Alice Alice is away to South Wales to her new home… and Poppy is now my new favourite thing in the world! I’m really delighted with her… she is 3 years old and like brand spanking new.

I’ve spent today trying to sort her out… still have a bit to go though and my spare bedroom still looks like a war zone!

Sprout has settled in nicely… and even had her own wee holiday bag, containing a towel, poo bags, lead and treats!

It is always there.  That empty feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Sometimes it easys a little … sometimes it is a deep pain that I can’t shift… but it is always there.

It is a strange feeling to love someone so deeply, that you know that no matter what, you always will.   You want them to be happy, but you don’t want know all about what makes them happy.

It is easy to forget the lies and the excuses… but not so easy to forget how they made you feel.

You just have to accept that, for some, deep love is something they cannot give to a partner, they want the excitement that always dies down.   They want the idea of love, but have no idea of what real love really is.

But you know, you know that one day they will.   You know you are still in their thoughts and you know they will never tell you.

For you it was love.  For them a stepping stone… and you know will you never get the honesty you deserved.

Im having a quiet one this year … just with my folks.  It will be a funny old time … I will be thinking back on my beautiful Brae who died on Christmas Day last year.

I still miss my beautiful dug … but wee Sprouty certainly has filled a big hole in my heart.

At least this year I can also save some money by not having to buy presents for a girlfriend! … good job really since I have just spent a load of money on buying presents for “Poppy” … my new caravan that arrives on Saturday! … still haven’t sold Alice Alice yet … but she will go … I am not in any hurry although parking may be a bit tight.

I know 2019 is going to be better than this year (couldn’t have got much worse for me!) … and Im looking forward to trips away in my new fantastic caravan with my friends … and I don’t have to try to work around anyone but myself! … freedom is a great thing when you don’t need to have someone in your life.

What you did, what you lost and what you want.

And you don’t know how to get it.

You learn your truth, your pain and your lesson.

a couple of nights away on a wee break up at the eco pods at Loch Katrine.

There should have been a wee group of us here but for various reasons, in the end only Leanne and I (plus Sprout and Ollie) made it here…eventually, after I managed to take us to the wrong end of Loch Katrine).

It is very mild, so tonight we sat outside with a couple of bottles of Prosecco … trouble was, we had the dogs tied up outside earlier and I managed to trip overs lead. I was very lucky., I nearly landed face first on my glass… but instead landed on Leanne’s fire pit!… thankfully not lit yet!…. but bloody hell, I haven’t half given my left knee a knock! I hope I can bend it tomorrow!

Tomorrow we plan on a wee sail up Loch Katrine with the dogs (who are both having to sleep in Leanne’s pod because my pod doesn’t allow them).

Hopefully the weather will stay mild.

I was in the middle of getting ready to go away for the weekend with one of my pals today … we are going up to the Eco Lodges at Loch Katrine, the weather looks good and the dogs will have fun!

I was happily getting all my stuff together when I received a text that made me stop in my tracks and cry.

The text was from Wullie, my gardener, to let me know that his grandson Ethan, who would come out during the summer holidays to help cut the grass, was the boy killed in car crash on Sunday.  The 5 pals had been on their way to play football, Ethan was the front passenger and died at the scene, and the others are all in a critical condition.

I know how much Wullie and has family have been through in the past few years and Ethan was a lovely young man… it is a tragedy for all of his family and for all who knew him.

A young man, taken far too soon.

Rest in peace Ethan.