Brae. A gay woman's tale!

Life is one long lesson, and not always an easy one to take.

This year has not been the best of years for me, to be honest I will be glad when it is over.

I have learned a lot this year, mostly that people are never who they say they are, and try to push their problems onto you.  I have spoken about Gas Lighting before and it is something that I will just not accept in my life.

This year I have had to deal with liars, cheats, drunks and those who wish to control, who fly off the handle at any perceived insult, when none was intended.

I am fed up walking on eggshells for people, fed up dealing with other people’s problems only to be left feeling bad about myself when I know that in reality I have nothing to feel bad about.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect, I know that … I have my own faults that I am aware of and try to deal with them the best I can but I will not be lied to, cheated on or be the virtual punch bag for other peoples problems.

I really thought I had met a partner for life with my ex, I was proven sadly wrong, she was not the woman I thought she was and I can’t believe I was fooled for so long, although looking back the signs were there, I should have cut my losses and left then.

My next wee foray into the world of dating was with a woman who told me she was single but had a bat crazy housemate …. turns out she was a drunk who did have a girlfriend … lying not only to me but to her too.

My next, I had high hopes for … she seemed to be a mature and lovely woman… and in many ways she was … but she could turn on a sixpence and her words were cruel and cutting … I was left feeling that no matter what I did I would always be in the wrong and the pressure to move too fast was too much for me.

I have a nice wee life, I have a home that I love, a dog that makes me laugh (and sometimes swear) and two cats that rule the roost … I also have a job that I truly enjoy.

My life is complete, I don’t “need” anyone to make it better, I don’t ever want to “need” anyone … I have always said that I want to be wanted .. and I want to want someone, for me that is more important than being a “need” … because when you “need” you will settle for someone that you don’t always want.

I have wonderful friends in my life, even though these days I am not the most sociable of people.  I like peace, I like quiet, I like to feel secure and that is what I want from life.

If this means I do it by remaining single so be it… I would rather be happy on my own than unhappy with someone that doesn’t understand the important of peace and security in life.  People like that will never be happy … they will always be searching for the next “fix” … which is sad for them.

A healthy single life is better than a relationship where temporary  plasters are stuck over  gaping wounds of dishonesty and neediness.

Maybe I have grown up … Maybe I have just grown tired of all the bullshit.