I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately … well, perhaps not soul searching … more “relationship thinking” …

A couple of months ago one of my best friends nagged me to join some dating sites … until I gave in and did…. I have “met” some lovely people on there .. all of whom have the great possibility of being long term friends .. and I hope each and everyone of them becomes that.

As for romance .. nope .. and I know the reason is me … I am simply fed up and a bit “scunnered” (as we say in Scotland!) of relationships that never turn out to be what you hope they would be.

I have heard ALL the stories … I have listened to all the words .. and I have seen actions that never back them up…  I have been lied to, lied about … and put up with being used as a temporary measure for the benefit of someone else.  On the other hand .. some relationships have just fizzled out .. usually after a lot of years, some have never really begun before I (or they) realised that friendship was the way forward … some have just been something I should never have become involved in, because I knew that it had no legs to go long term .. my fault .. not theirs.

BUT .. saying that .. in a way I’m glad of all the experiences I have had … because of it all I have learned many lessons .. I know that no-one can bring me happiness .. that is something I have to find in myself, I know that words can be false, it is the actions of someone that tell the truth, and I know that not everyone is capable of listening to the little things … therefore have no hope in hell of listening to the things that really worry me.  A relationship, to me, isn’t built on hugs and kisses .. it is built on truth and respect and the ability to listen and speak about emotions and the stupid stuff in equal measures.

My life is very different to what it was .. I have a career that I truly love .. I have a home where I truly find my peace of mind and heart .. and I know that if I never end up in a relationship again, then it is no big deal .. I am happy, I am content .. and I have a wonderful family and family of friends …

I am very lucky .. and I know it ..  I have some wonderful memories of women past … but none of them were ever destined to be on the same path as me .. I have no idea where my path will go .. perhaps I am destined to stay as I am .. perhaps it will lead me into the arms of someone … who knows ..  I intend to “just be” …