Life is a bit of a merry go round at times… my own is no exception.

From a place of feeling content, happy and loved, it was a huge blow when I realised I had been a bit of a fool and loved a woman who wasn’t real at all… a liar and a cheat who was happy fucking around emotionally and physically with someone she told me she disliked and no respect for…. after the hurt had stopped crippling me, I realised that it was a lucky escape for me. I had wanted to marry that woman, what a mistake that would have been.

The couple of people I have dated since then have also ended up being very different people to the people they say they are… but one thing all three have in common is that they were all needy people.

This confuses me. I am not a needy person… but for some reason I seem to attract them…. and to be honest I’m sick of it.

My faith in women was low before I met my ex… and now, further down the line, I realise I have no trust in women or in my own judgement.

I mentioned the other day about a new mattress… in fact I’ve gone the whole hog and bought new everything.

The ghost of lovers past will remain in the past. There will be no more. I’ve had it with the lies, the freaky mood swings and the booze… I have my peace… it’s staying that way.