I had a long conversation with one of my oldest friends tonight. It was one of those conversations that make you think “I am not alone in my thinking”.
it is no secret that I was devastated when Cath left me. I didn’t see it coming, I had no idea there was someone else lurking in the background.
i have dated a couple of people since then and to be honest I did think I had met someone who may have been a long term fixture in my life… but I could not handle the huge swings of mood and the cruelty of her words.
i have decided to withdraw from the dating scene completely. I have a great wee life… great friends and a job I love. I don’t “need” to have someone in my life, especially if all they do is bring problems rather than peace.
Peace is important to me, I don’t need alcohol… I don’t need constant excitement… I want something meaningful and honest … and I just can’t seem to find in a relationship… so I will find it in myself.
I guess I am just tired of being hurt and disappointed
My friend is in much the same situation as me, or rather was, and apart from the odd wee bit of fun, had not committed to a serious relationship in 5 years. She is never lonely, she is never bored… she lives her life relying on no-one to make her happy.
I feel I have been hurt enough by others, I am not prepared to put my peace and love into the hands of someone else, only for my trust and openness to be abused.
I am tired.
Brae. A gay woman's tale! 