Brae. A gay woman's tale!

I have been lucky enough in life to have the love of two really special dogs.

My beautiful Brae, who died last Christmas and now Sprout, who is celebrating her first birthday today!

My life has taken many twists and turns over the years and for 16 of them, Brae was with me every step of the way and was my constant companion.  We were there for each other when life was tough … she suffered from cancer three times and damaged her ligaments in both legs! … she cost me a fortune .. but she was worth every penny.

Sprout is a lovely wee soul, very cheeky and sometimes naughty, but very loving and friendly, she loves everyone and everything … just like Brae did.

I know I am lucky to have had 2 special dogs in my life, even if both of them made me swear at times!

Brae was the worst really … when I first rescued her she was 6 months old .. she managed to chew through the seat belt in my new car not once but twice (in two weeks) … and also managed to chew one of the extra large boxes of washing powder, leaving my kitchen looking like a drug den … not to mention her ability to jump baby gates, resulting in me having to fix another above.  In he end it wasn’t the cancer that got her, but a stroke, just after she had filled her belly with her Christmas dinner … what a way to go!

Sprout likes to chew too .. but she tends to savage her toys or chew a stick she finds in the garden, stuffed toys last about 2 minutes in this house!  I actually managed to make a local charity shop run out of stuffed toys because I bought so many in a week … and a toy that was advertised as being “indestructible” (cost me over £20 .. lasted an hour!)  I have given up now … she happily plays with the skins … normally under the duvet … it makes going to bed interesting!

The loyalty and love of a dog is a true type of love.  They don’t judge, they just love, wholly and unconditionally.  And that is why I love dogs.

There are “issues” in our lives that are taboo to talk about.

As we grow older, we change, things change, our bodies change. Our needs change.

For some how we respond physically no longer becomes “automatic”… no longer guaranteed. It is frustrating and confusing for our partners, it is frustrating and confusing for us. We can try to explain, we can try to rationalise… but it is impossible for those who have not been through it to understand.

It is not a lack of love, it is not a rejection, it is not “giving up”.

Words have to be listened to. “Just hold me” is a plea for understanding. “Stop” means just that. The pain is real.

The lacking we have will pass, for some in months, for some it takes longer because the physical lacking turns into mental doubt.

Not everyone has a partner understands, perhaps for a variety of reasons, mainly based around their own needs and desires. Or perhaps simply because their own insecurities do not allow them to believe.

We are not cruel, we are not cold, we are not looking for a way out. We just want to feel normal.