Brae. A gay woman's tale!

I feel deeply and I think deeply. This is both a curse and a blessing.

I sometimes step back from delving deep into my thoughts and feelings, just leaving them lying dormant behind a wall of keeping myself busy so my thoughts and focus are on anyone or anything apart from me.

This is my self preservation. My comfort blanket that stops the hurt and sometimes negative thoughts and doubt from over whelming me.

I know I close down, I know I exist instead of live. I know all this, but still I do it, it’s my way.

Then something simple happens, a conversation with a kindred spirit, who understands what it is like to face deep thoughts… and suddenly my own deep thoughts don’t feel so overwhelming… and all of a sudden I can really think again… and it is not as scary or painful as I thought it would be.

The waves of hurt that used to crash down on me have ebbed… calm shores have returned and I’m so relieved.

Life still has much to offer and although I still doubt I have the emotional strength or will to ever want a partner or a relationship again, I realise that there are still great people out there that can touch my life in a special way and right now, that’s huge!