Brae. A gay woman's tale!

You realise what is important. You realise what you need.

No matter how much we ignore the whisper, eventually it becomes so loud we can no longer ignore it.

We can try to mask it… by always being “in pursuit of happiness”… needing the next thrill, the next temporary rush of excitement… which quickly becomes boring.

It is only when we are truly happy and accepting with ourselves, and our faults… that we begin to realise that the secret is not the thrill, but simply the peace. Peace of heart and peace of mind… and that has to come from within.

According to a 19th century legend, the Truth and the Lie meet one day. The Lie says to the Truth: “It’s a marvellous day today”! The Truth looks up to the skies and sighs, for the day was really beautiful. They spend a lot of time together, ultimately arriving beside a well. The Lie tells the Truth: “The water is very nice, let’s take a bath together!” The Truth, once again suspicious, tests the water and discovers that it indeed is very nice. They undress and start bathing. Suddenly, the Lie comes out of the water, puts on the clothes of the Truth and runs away. The furious Truth comes out of the well and runs everywhere to find the Lie and to get her clothes back. The World, seeing the Truth naked, turns its gaze away, with contempt and rage.
The poor Truth returns to the well and disappears forever, hiding therein, its shame. Since then, the Lie travels around the world, dressed as the Truth, satisfying the needs of society, because, the World, in any case, harbours no wish at all to meet the naked Truth.

… and this is true … people are scared of the truth … scared to be shown up for their lies or their inadequacies … but Karma is a wonderful thing.  It may take a while, but it happens!

.. you know the type …

I’m laughing at myself tonight… my favourite jumper and T-shirt are now so big that they have been relegated to the “slouching” drawer… I have no idea why I was so surprised that they were so big… but I ended up standing in front of the mirror with my arms outstretched and going “wow”… before thinking “twat”….

I have also upped my weights by 5 kilos up to 25…. certainly not a lot in real terms… but huge for me… I’m now rowing on maximum weight at 2000m…. and now I’m on maximum weight, I am extending the distance! I am truly loving being back In a gym again!…. I am beginning to really like this new me… peace has returned and life is bloody great!!

Why nothing was said to me … but discussed with my ex’s ex girlfriend and Desperate Dan.

I had the honour of taking my Aunt Charlotte’s funeral this morning.  I took the service for her husband, my Uncle Bill a couple of years ago.

It was a sad day as Charlotte was a lovely woman and a very talented painter but … it was a good day too.  Sadly, my family are scattered near and far … all the way from Fife to Dubai and everywhere in between and the only time we seem to get together these days is for funerals.

Afterwards we returned to the home of Auntie Ann for a wee sandwich and a few drinks (just coffee for me … I was driving!) … and it was lovely to catch up with everyone, especially my cousins Laura and Mary, who had flown up from Bristol…. old photo’s came out and laughter rung out …. Charlotte, with her wonderful sense of humour, would have loved that!

I may have some way to go yet … but what a difference from my biggest (about 6 years ago) … I did lose a lot of weight by dieting alone, but slowly it crept back on again … mainly my fault because I was a bit restricted to what I could do without ending up with a sore back! … now that is being sorted and I am once again enjoying all the exercise I used to do a lot of years ago … the difference is quite stunning … still around 2 stone to go though …

It is no secret that I was absolutely stunned and shocked when my ex ended our relationship last year… and a for a long time I did hope that she would change her mind and come back.

Since then, things have happened that had made me think “jeez, lucky escape” … and although my two little dabbles into dating have been a disaster … I have no doubts that my life is going just the way it should be.

I am thinner and fitter than I have been in a long time, the constant pain in my back is much easier, even if it does “niggle” from time to time.  At last I am living the life I want to live .. I am loving the gym and swimming and watching my body change shape (and my clothes sizes shrinking dramatically!) is giving me a new lease of life.

I once again have a spring in my step, a twinkle in my eye and a new gym in my summerhouse!

Still loving my work, but looking forward to a wee break away in the caravan with my friend Karen at the end of March …

I am where I should be in life … I know myself and know what I want … I have no need to become just a mirror of someone, but then again, I never have been that type…. and I certainly do not need to bounce from one relationship to another, Im too strong for that.