Brae. A gay woman's tale!

This is true… if you need to change for anyone apart from yourself, it is not love but control.

If you don’t love someone for who they are, you will never be happy.

and surprisingly … it is a man!!   Although not in the way you probably think!

In October I was sick fed up with the constant pain in my back … at it’s best it was an ache .. at it’s worst it stopped me from doing many day to day things that people take for granted … there was just no escape from the discomfort and at times it did make me grumpy!

In October, through someone I was seeing for a short time, I was encouraged to go to a private Physio … although I had been to the NHS service many times, all they were doing was putting me under a heat lamp that made no difference whatsoever, so I was a bit unsure about paying out money if it wasn’t going to help me.

I am so glad I took the chance … Abdur has been a miracle worker … although I have to admit his deep tissue massages do make me swear (which he finds funny!) … and the poor man has had many death threats from me … but he is simply fantastic!

Since October, my life has really turned around … all thanks to Abdur.  To be honest, the pain was making me a little down and other stuff going on in my private life seemed to be amplified by the fact I felt so bloody useless!

Since October I have joined WW and a gym with a pool … and since Christmas I have lost 15.5 pounds and have fallen in love with exercise and swimming again! …. both of which used to cause me a lot of pain.

I have now found a real passion … so much so that I am turning my summerhouse into a gym … so on the days when my time is short, I can just pop out the back for a quick half hour here and there to make sure that I still can exercise every day.

I cannot believe I left it so long … but that was partly due to me listening to my doctor and not getting the best advice … I truly believed that I was going to be left suffering for the rest of my life and although it wasn’t a life changing thing … it was something that had a massive impact on my life …

Now my life is mine again … and Im going to make sure I do everything I have always wanted to do!

Why the clouds clear and the heart mends … I always end up thinking “why the fuck did I put up with that”

I don’t anymore … any sign of lies or narcism … and I’m gone …  never to be seen again!

I am just back from the gym and pool … and found a parcel in my storage box … I am expecting some stuff to arrive (clothes) and thought ahh ohhh … I’ve ordered dolls clothes!  but no …. it was a silver bracelet …

I have no idea who has sent me it … and I had the same problem around a month ago when 3 little potted plants appeared … I thought it was from a family I had worked with … but couldn’t thank them because I didn’t know who …

But this is the second anonymous present … ironically although it is not really a style I would buy for myself, I quite like this … so … if you sent me this (or the plants!) please let me know who you are.

I am very grateful for everything but really you don’t have to do this.

I had an early night last night … I was emotionally and physically tired after a traumatic funeral and 2 hours at the gym … so I just took myself (and Sprout!) off to bed early.

I slept right through to 7am this morning … longest sleep I have had in months and woke up feeling revived!

Today I have been on fire … a funeral tribute written and a wedding done too!

Now I am off to the gym and for a swim again … go me!

Today has been a hard day. I took a funeral for a wonderful young woman. She was only 25 years old. It was a tragic story and her friends and family are all understandingly heart broken. The young, beautiful girl had bravely been fighting cancer, but after chemo caught a common cold that turned to pneumonia… and it stole her life.

The family booked a private venue for the service and asked everyone to turn up looking glamorous! And they did… by their hundreds! It was the biggest funeral I have ever taken and, although a tragic situation, the amount of people attending really proved how loved and respected she was.

We had laughter, we had tears but more than that, we had love.

There are days when my work is emotionally exhausting… today was one of them.

I came home, got changed and hit the gym before having a swim.

Tonight I am aching physically.. and emotionally.

What a day… up early to write then 2 funerals back to back in Perth … the first was massive … so big that I didn’t have time to go and grab a sandwich and coffee at Perth before my second … I then had to go straight onto a family visit, so no time again to eat!

Once came home (and managed to eat some food!) I then had to write another … so far it has been a 15 hour day for me … and I am totally puggled!

This is the second day in a row that I have been too busy to do any exercise and I feel twitchy … I do have a huge funeral to take tomorrow morning… followed by writing and a family visit … but I am determined to get there tomorrow … I can’t believe I miss training so much … I am still quite in shock about it all! *smile*