Brae. A gay woman's tale!

Those of you that know me, know that I am a keen recycler .. and I’m also a Fifer, reknowned for our short arms and long pockets!

I love Freegle .. I give stuff away, I’ve picked up some lovely plants for my garden and have watched in wonderment as people have given away amazing stuff .. including a 17 ft boat!

My wee cottage is still in need of a little TLC, and because I am thinking of having either a real fire or log burner installed I thought I would do something about the broken tiles on my fire hearth.

I asked on Freegle today if anyone had double edged rounded tiles from an old fireplace they wanted to get rid off.  Within 2 minutes of posting my message I had an email back from a lovely chap saying he was renovating his house and I was welcome to any of the old tiles that I wanted.

I emailed him back with my number and he rang to discuss directions.  We arranged for me to pop over this evening after work to pick them up.

Off I trotted (all dressed up with open toe sandals on because we had a photo taken for a local newspaper today) to his house this evening, driving through a thunderstorm and floods to get there.

He met me at the door, all smiley and nice and welcomed me in .. the house was in a bit of a state, but when you are renovating and pulling fireplaces out it is bound to be.. right … WRONG!!

The fireplace was still in one piece and he handed me a hammer and wall scraper (not even a proper thing to remove tiles with!) and stood there yapping to me about how his wife had run off with a 21 year old so he had decided to pull the house to bits to get the valuation lowered! … it then dawned on me that he wasn’t really renovating he was just wrecking the place.

The leather sofa’s had also been spray painted … the electricity wires hanging out the wall and the doors hanging off the wall…

There is me .. sandals, work clothes, chipping away at tiles trying to make small talk and all the time just wanting to get out of that place.  In the end I managed to smash about 4 tiles and announced (probably much too cheerfully) ..” oh these are great .. this will do me”.

I left got in my car and had to laugh at my situation .. it never dawned on me to ask if the tiles were still stuck to the fireplace ..

I learned a lesson ..   even if it did freak me out a bit!

Oh … and the broken bits of tiles … they are in the bin!

The last week or so have been a bit of an up and down time for me.. for various reasons that I do not really want to go into in any depth but Ive gone from being extremely happy to being desperately sad and then through friendships (old and new) that I have made,  back to being in a place that feels positive and even a little exciting!

Sometimes things do not turn out as you hope in life, that, as they say “is life” and sometimes it gives you a hard little nip on the bum.   How we choose to deal with this is all about attitude.  I have learned over the many up and downs in my life that nothing, no matter how bad, or how good it feels, will ever stay that way.  Things change, we change, life moves on.

What we are left with are memories that we can keep with us, take with us and learn from. These memories, good or bad do shape our future and hopefully we will remember them from time to time.

I know I will.

Ahhhh… good old lesbian drama!    Life would really not be the same without it.

Today has been one of those days when I have been flung into confusion whether to feel sorry for someone or decide to let them fester because of their unique refusal to accept responsibility for their own actions.

Sadly I have seen this often and even within a previous relationship I was in many years ago.

Bullies, whether they are gay, straight, male or female are all out of the same batch of rotten apples.  Everyone else is to blame for their situation, they turn stories around to become the victim and gain sympathy whilst all along refusing to accept responsibility for their actions.  This is called in medical terms “Projection”

I have no time for these people.   To me they are a waste of my time and something that I would compare to what I often find at the bottom of my shoe.

I have, sadly, had to drop friends from facebook who I know are connected to this woman.  It is not a personal slight against them but done to stop the childish pathetic vitriol of a sad and pathetic woman.  It has also been done to stop the police getting involved.

This woman will never have a successful relationship, her jealousy and need for utter control will ruin every single relationship that some poor soul is liable to have with her.  She will use friends for her own needs and will bully and rant at every opportunity.

Her main point of anger is that I now have what she wants.   She had it, but blew it because of her actions.  The blame for this lies firmly at her feet.  How much do you bet that she will never accept that.   It will be everyone else’s fault but her own.

So, if I have dropped you from my friends list on Facebook, I’m sorry… but I have no wish for this woman to know of anything that I am doing with my partner and my life.    I will be happy to accept you back anytime, but only when you no longer have a connection to this woman.

Oh and yes .. by the way it was me that reported her on Pinksofa .. she had already been banned under at least 1 of her screen-names and if I see her on there again under yet another, I will report her immediately.

Living is like tearing through a museum. Not until later do you really start absorbing what you saw, thinking about it, looking it up in a book, and remembering – because you can’t take it in all at once.  (Audrey Hepburn)

I found this today .. and it made me realise how true a statement it is.

Over the past year I have done a lot of soul searching in my personal life and made decisions that were not easy at times, but I knew were right.

I sat back, thought about my life in general, and realised that I had a reached a place where I was happy.  I was alone but settled and rooted in who and what I am.

I was contented enough with the rest of my life, my business, my friends, my family, my home that it really did not matter if someone came into my life or not.

Out of the blue someone has… completely unexpected and has made me stop dead in my tracks and remember back to when I was young and not yet cynical about life and love.

I think I always knew that love was meant to stir your heart and your mind .. but more importantly your soul, I had just never found someone who could.  I have never believed in a soul mate, I never believed in “forever”.

I do now.

I am trying to be romantic .. I really am ..

I’m just not very good at it …

My lovely partner comes up with all these wonderful idea’s … and all I can come up with sending her toilet rolls  (yus .. I did) .. it’s that damn practical tight fisted Fifer in me!

(ok maybe I did sent a fruit basket, shortbread and mineral water too .. but hardly the stuff to bowl a woman over!)

I need to practice .. I tried some cute lines on “ma dug” .. however the only words she really responded to were “treat, pee pee and Granny Isa” .. so that didn’t work.

I guess I will just have to rely on my good looks and charm  …   I mean .. look at me .. who could resist!

I’m not the type to be blown away or reckless with my emotions  …  I’m far too much of a cynic and far too cautious for that to happen to me.

I’m not the kind who pines away .. or wishes my days would pass in a blur so I can see your face again.

I’m not the sort of girl who will sit with a smile on her face just at the thought of you.

I’m really not.

Then why have I become the person I have never been.

The type who has to admit that “love at first sight” really does happen

The kind who can’t wait to see you again just to be able to hold your hand.

The sort of girl who has had her breath taken away … and doesn’t mind a bit…