Brae. A gay woman's tale!

I love my family.   We may all be slightly eccentric in our own little way, but we are close and help each other whenever we can in all sorts of ways.

I am going away this weekend and I have bought some things that I want to keep cool during my 5 hour drive.   However, I could not find my coolbox.   I searched my cottage from top to bottom (which took all of 2 minutes, since it isn’t exactly a big cottage!).. but no luck.  Then I remembered …. back in the summer I took Big Muva and Little Sista away for a week in Wales and used the coolbox then … so I called my mum, who was out, but I spoke to Margaret, my sister.

The conversation went like this:

ME: Margaret, I can’t find my coolbox, is it there?

MAG:   No.

ME: Are you sure because the last time I seen it was when we came back from Wales and mum had stuff in it for the fridge.

MAG: No it is not here but it might be upstairs in mums room.

ME: *sigh* Can you check and call me back

MAG:   OK, what is it?

ME: Its a coolbox, you know what we put the stuff in to keep it cool when we went to Wales, its blue with an orange lid and should have a couple of cooler blocks inside!

MAG: OK.  I will check

(Phone goes down)

A couple of minutes later the phone rings

ME:   Hi Margaret .. was it in mums room

MAG:  Well, there is one in mums room but I think its mums.

ME:   No Margaret it is mine, we used it to go to Wales!  (by this time my voice was getting shrill)

MAG:  But I remember mum buying one about 6 years ago.

ME:  Yes Margaret, she bought it for ME!!!  It is mine, I use it for camping. 

MAG: OK

ME:   Can you do me a favour, can you rinse it out for me and put the cooler blocks in the freezer

MAG:   Will the explode?

ME:   NO …. THEY WILL NOT EXPLODE!!!

MAG:   Can I rinse them in warm water or just cold water

ME: Warm soapy water will be FINE!!!

MAG: and they won’t explode?

ME: NO!!!!!!

MAG: What if there is no room in the freezer?

ME:  Why don’t you go and check then ….

MAG: OK ……. (footsteps, bang, crash, rustle, rustle and rustle some more, tap gets turned on, splish and sploshing for a few minutes, footsteps)

MAG:   Jayne, there is room and I’ve washed the two blocks and put them in the freezer.  They didn’t explode.

ME:  Thanks Margaret (in an exasperated voice!)

MAG:  When are you coming to get them

ME: Tomorrow morning sometime, I will call mum in the morning

MAG:  (long silence) … how long can I leave the blocks in the freezer

ME: Overnight is fine Margaret.

MAG:   Will they explode?

ME: NO THEY WON’T FUCKING EXPLODE!!     LEAVE THEM IN THERE OVERNIGHT, GO TO WORK IN THE MORNING AND DON’T WORRY ABOUT THEM

MAG:  Ok,   What time will you be coming for them

ME:  (getting to the end of my tether now…..)    I’ve just told you … I will phone Mum in the morning.

MAG:  Ok. but she takes me to work in the morning at 8.10am

ME:   That’s OK I won’t be that early .. I will call her tomorrow to arrange a time.

MAG:  Ok.   Are the blocks safe to leave in the Freezer overnight?

ME:   YESSSSSS … 

MAG:  Ok.   I will just keep checking on them.

ME:  Margaret, there is NO need to check on them….they will NOT explode, they will NOT burst… they won’t do anything apart from freeze!!!!

MAG:   OK.   Bye.

ME:   *banging head off wall*

From the moment we are born we are forced by nature to take a leap of faith. We learn to talk, to walk, to ride a bike, to letting go of our parents hand and stepping out into the big brave world of the unknown in front of us.

We go to school, we learn how to make friends.

We grow up, we learn about love and about how the world works and we forget the joy of just taking a step into the unknown, taking a risk because of our past, our fears, our assumptions and our ability to analyse and in many cases over analyse.

Now and then, if we are lucky, something unexpected comes along that makes us sit back and think and realise that we have reached a crossroads where we can decide to carry on the same path of safety and protection or to take a deep breath and just let go and allow ourselves to see where we land.

A child never has these thoughts, a child just accepts that life is about learning, about new experiences and about “becoming”.    Sadly as adults we do have more of an awareness about hurt, about trust and about self protection, which is no bad thing… but sometimes stops us from really living.

A Child’s Window

Smiling faces from beneath the hoods

their future as colourful as the sleeping spring.

The paths they walk lead to home,

The walls they climb are made of stone.

But soon, too soon, their play will end,

hopes and dreams left behind,

they wander now down paths of fate.

So let them play and learn their game,

let them dream and speak their minds.

For a child has eyes where we are blind.