Brae. A gay woman's tale!

It is never easy letting go.

You confuse yourself with memories of  the past and of future dreams.  

With forgotten feelings and the pangs of guilt.   

Sometimes things are not that  awful, they are just not right.  

You cannot find peace or comfort, you do not receive what you give out.

You start by trying… trying to hold on, trying to be heard, trying to make things ok.

Sooner or later you realise that you cannot do it by yourself and the sinking feeling in your stomach begins to return when you realise that the end is inevitable.

You begin to feel lonely, and there is nothing worse, than to be with someone who just really does not care and then you feel angry, for wasted time, for wasted words, for wasted feelings… and you pull back.

So far back that you pass the limit of no return.

… and you feel lonely …and you feel guilty or responsible

…..so you try

…… then you realise

……… then you pull back 

And sometimes you do this numerous times .. going round and round .. not happy, but trapped, because of your guilt or your feeling of responsibility

Then something happens … the circle breaks …

You realise that you are not lonely, you are independent.  

You lose the guilt, you find apathy

and there is spark of something within that tells you that you are right

and you let go

and you start to live.