There are times when you have to say “I give up” … I rarely give up … what ifsI am just not that type really …  but sometimes you just have to shake your head, give a wry wee smile and realise that you have been a bit of a mug.

This weekend with an old mate and her girlfriend gave me one or two eye opening moments .. there is nothing like a mate that you have known for 20 odd years to say something that suddenly makes you go “fuck … I never realised that” …

Story goes back a wee while … and I am not going to go into detail apart from to say that in my opinion I done a lot for someone .. at a time in my life where it was hard for me to do anything for myself .. maybe my mind was better away from me and trying to help someone else .. I don’t know.

Anyway … I was then put through months of guilt (which I suffer from) … Only to find out that what was being said to me and my friends was not what was being said to others …  and that is all the detail I will go into.

I hold my hands up and say I did make excuses for this behaviour ..  and I did try to forge a friendship … because this was someone I did care about…. and basically that is who I am ..  and I did think that there was enough water under the bridge to wipe out any bitterness or ill feeling from what had gone before

However It is the first time in a few years that me and my mate have had a chance to have a good old natter … and all of a sudden she said to me … “you know when you were seeing XXXXXXX  we could all see you were being used” …. it stopped me in my tracks … 

I had never thought that … but .. sadly … it now all makes sense….. do I feel a mug .. yup … do I feel used .. yup … but you know what .. I would do the same for someone else again … does that make me stupid .. maybe … but I like trying to help people is not a deliberate thing I do .. it is just part of who I am … so I will continue to do it.   I do not need people to appreciate what I do  … it gives me enough pleasure just being able to try to help.    

So .. for all of you who did try to warn me (looking back .. a few did!) … Im sorry … next time be more blunt with me .. Im crap with hints .. just stay it as it is .. I may not like what you say … I may grump and moan a bit … but .. I do listen … (honest!!)