And here I am watching everyone dying from Typhus on Little House on the Prairie….

I can’t sleep tonight, my mind is too busy.

I should have had a first date on Tuesday…but my dates circumstances with arranging a care home for her mum have resulted in it being brought forward to tomorrow (technically later today!)… and all the doubts that my ex left with me are raising their ugly head.

There is still the part of me that knows she twisted things to cover up her lying and cheating… and perhaps to ease her guilt… she never once gave a thought to the hurt and chaos she was leaving behind… and it is hard to understand why she chose to fool me for so long… but she did.

I think because I was so feeling so doubtful about myself led me into dating (briefly), two women who both had problems that I didn’t have the energy or want to deal with.

The hurt my ex caused me has gone… now I know that I never knew who she really was… and in all honesty, all I feel is sorry for her.

I know I have faced up to who I am… I know I have many faults… but I can accept them… I need to fall in love again… with me… I’m trying.