Brae. A gay woman's tale!

I have had a very deep conversation with an old friend tonight .. she is in a long term relationship and has been for over ten years.  We were talking about how feelings change over time and how relationships develop when the first throws of passion are over.

We talked a lot about friendship and relationships and how (for both of us) friendships have lasted longer than our relationships .. I have friends going back 35 years .. the longest relationship I managed was 10 years.

She said it took her a long time to realise that love isn’t about the passion and lust that all relationships start off with, but about finding someone who she knows satisfies all her emotions …this confused me a little because what I didn’t know (until she told me!) is that there are fundamentally only seven emotions;

1. Anger
2. Grief
3. Worry
4. Joy
5. Sorrow
6. Fear
7. Fright

This list surprised me .. there was no mention of the two emotions that I thought would be there .. Love and Lust .. but no .. no mention of them at all.

Seemingly in Chinese medicine Love and Lust are only treated as part of the reason for Joy.

She told me that she learned this from her partner, who had become interested in studying alternative medicines and came across some old Chinese beliefs on how the seven emotions can affect our health and our mind.

I came off the phone and thought about this .. I always thought that Love and Lust were two major emotions BUT when I broke them down I realised the Chinese philosophy has a point here .. We say we feel Love .. what we mean is that we feel Joy .. we say we feel heartbroken, what we mean is that we are suffering from Grief. … etc etc etc…

Our actions are driven by our emotions, if we “suffer” from any of them too much our life is unbalanced our actions and reactions are over active .   We desperately seek something that we perceive will give us joy, not realising that our “need” for joy causes many of the negative emotions we are trying to escape.

Somehow this is all beginning to make sense to me, it has got me considering why I desperately need peace.   It is the one thing in life that truly matters to me.. not money, not fame, not a partner, simply peace .. and I have suddenly realised that this is because my emotions are balanced when I feel at peace.

I now understand what she meant by saying she had a partner that satisfied all her emotions .. she is at peace with herself and her relationship.   It sounds much less dramatic or inspiring as saying she is in love .. but I get it.. I really bloody get it!

Sometimes in life, you have a conversation or a realisation that changes you deeper than you ever expect…   tonight has been one of those nights for me.

Peace, in all forms, is the greatest gift of all.

Oh … I’ve had the bitch of all weeks this week.. work has been nothing but trouble, hassle, swearing… applicants have turned down great jobs, clients have turned down great applicants and generally just been bloody stupid.

I’ve had a dead (or rather dying..) something brought in that left a blood trail in the hall (I haven’t found it yet so Im not sure what it is…) .. and my door locks are broken …

I’ve been feeling stressed out.. and have already started planning my new life on the Isle of Skye, in a wee cottage with a couple of cabins to rent out … a few more dogs, a couple of cats and a cow ..

However, reality bites .. I have the wee cottage, I have A dog and A cat… I don’t have a cow .. although I do have an ex in the very distant past who could fit that role .. although the sight of her droopy udders would probably make me vomit today.

I don’t have a cabin .. but my summerhouse is going up today and tomorrow .. and next week there will be new jobs, new applicants and new clients ..Oh … AND my very lovely new wine rack arrived today (it is the shape of a Cello.. actually its made from an old Cello) quite classy and very different … a bit like me   (ok ok .. may the very different bit and less of the classy but there you go).

Sometimes life does get a bit heavy on our shoulders .. no matter how “jolly” we seem there are times when all we want to do is hideaway in our PJ’s and think .. it’s been one of those weeks for me …

Bring on Monday!!

Over the past few days I have realised how lucky I am to have friends as good as I have.   All my friends are very special to me .. and those that know me well know how much I treasure their friendship.

What I enjoy most about my friends is that each one of them is unique in their own way and all of them, without exception, are kind and loving people.

When I look around at my friends I see people who care for and rescue animals, give up their time to train and then heartrendingly rehome their 4 legged charges and probably the biggest gift of all, open their hearts and their home to children who need the love and affection of two of the biggest hearts I know.

These people do not do it for the public “glory” or recognition… or the money .. they do it because it feels right in their hearts.

Friendship, whatever our differences, is possible only because of shared values.

Money cannot buy friendship and if it did… I could never afford the friends I have!

So, for all of you (I won’t embarrass you by naming you!) ..thank you..  love is the only currency you will ever need.

Just click the link …   I live with a Diva!

Vaner’s first acting class!