Brae. A gay woman's tale!

a couple of nights away on a wee break up at the eco pods at Loch Katrine.

There should have been a wee group of us here but for various reasons, in the end only Leanne and I (plus Sprout and Ollie) made it here…eventually, after I managed to take us to the wrong end of Loch Katrine).

It is very mild, so tonight we sat outside with a couple of bottles of Prosecco … trouble was, we had the dogs tied up outside earlier and I managed to trip overs lead. I was very lucky., I nearly landed face first on my glass… but instead landed on Leanne’s fire pit!… thankfully not lit yet!…. but bloody hell, I haven’t half given my left knee a knock! I hope I can bend it tomorrow!

Tomorrow we plan on a wee sail up Loch Katrine with the dogs (who are both having to sleep in Leanne’s pod because my pod doesn’t allow them).

Hopefully the weather will stay mild.

I was in the middle of getting ready to go away for the weekend with one of my pals today … we are going up to the Eco Lodges at Loch Katrine, the weather looks good and the dogs will have fun!

I was happily getting all my stuff together when I received a text that made me stop in my tracks and cry.

The text was from Wullie, my gardener, to let me know that his grandson Ethan, who would come out during the summer holidays to help cut the grass, was the boy killed in car crash on Sunday.  The 5 pals had been on their way to play football, Ethan was the front passenger and died at the scene, and the others are all in a critical condition.

I know how much Wullie and has family have been through in the past few years and Ethan was a lovely young man… it is a tragedy for all of his family and for all who knew him.

A young man, taken far too soon.

Rest in peace Ethan.

I had a long conversation with one of my oldest friends tonight. It was one of those conversations that make you think “I am not alone in my thinking”.

it is no secret that I was devastated when Cath left me. I didn’t see it coming, I had no idea there was someone else lurking in the background.

i have dated a couple of people since then and to be honest I did think I had met someone who may have been a long term fixture in my life… but I could not handle the huge swings of mood and the cruelty of her words.

i have decided to withdraw from the dating scene completely. I have a great wee life… great friends and a job I love.  I don’t “need” to have someone in my life, especially if all they do is bring problems rather than peace.

Peace is important to me,  I don’t need alcohol… I don’t need constant excitement…  I want something meaningful and honest … and I just can’t seem to find in a relationship… so I will find it in myself.

I guess I am just tired of being hurt and disappointed

My friend is in much the same situation as me, or rather was, and apart from the odd wee bit of fun, had not committed to a serious relationship in 5 years.  She is never lonely, she is never bored… she lives her life relying on no-one to make her happy.

I feel I have been hurt enough by others, I am not prepared to put my peace and love into the hands of someone else, only for my trust and openness to be abused.

I am tired.