There are times in our lives when we learn a big lesson about ourselves.

I am in the middle of learning one right now.

For all of us there are times when we struggle on a daily basis to face the world.  We wake up feeling tired, we have a constant feeling of being unsettled but somehow we manage to hide the thoughts and the worries and try to go about our normal lives.   We laugh, we talk, we act… oh how we act.

We know we are not happy, we feel frustrated and angry and we blame people for this.  It is their fault that we have lost our peace, it is always their fault for the arguments, for the feeling of being alone and the lack of affection we feel.

We feel not good enough, we make excuses why things are the way they are, why they won’t work and we look over the fence at the grass and think that it is greener.

We cause hurt, frustration and anger in people, because that is how we feel and we want them to understand .. but they don’t .. they can’t… how can we make people understand when we don’t understand ourselves.

We turn into people we don’t know and we don’t understand, we can’t hear what others say to us because we can’t hear ourselves.

We are ripping other people apart because we are ripping ourselves apart.

I have made a mistake that I know cannot be rectified.  I have caused too much frustration and anger and worst of all .. disappointment in someone.

It is easy to think “if only” .. but sometimes we have to own up to the fact that it is too late.   Far too late.

This is my apology.  This is my admittance.