Lost .. me .. never!


Oh how I hated them at the time .. not realising just how much fun cleaning was with a bunch of gals!

At Bicester the sound of Bilitis verbarated around the corridors .. (for you young un’s Bilitis was a lesbian film and EVERYONE had the sound track!)

I remember Jackie Murphy and Sue Carline best for handing out the rota for cleaning the block .. my favourite (for some reason!) was cleaning the bathrooms .. I still like a sparkling bathroom now!

We had a lovely wee Scottish Sgt Major in Bicester, for the life of me I can’t remember her name – but she was a very fair, decent woman, who had survived my attempts at sabotage when I was seconded to the troop office after hurting my arm.  I spent weeks pouring over the big sheets with everyone’s name on it .. I think they were for rations .. I really have no idea (I was a storewoman not a clerk!) .. anyway .. her favourite saying at that time was “Private Johnson .. a nice wee cup of tea would be lovely” .. I hate making tea .. so .. after a week or two I was really fed up with it.   I decided (in my great wisdom) to sabotage tea making.   The next time I heard the “a nice wee cup of tea would be lovely” I made my move … 12 teabags in a wee teapot .. honestly you could have painted with the walls with the tea that came out .. so.. very pleased with my very clever idea .. I smugly dropped it down in front of her.

She took a sip … paused … took another sip .. then said “Private Johnson, thats the best cup of tea I’ve had in a long time”

My flabber was gasted .. my dirty evil plan had failed …  although looking back .. I think she was just too damn clever for me!

I did however extract a wee bit revenge at the next in night.   I had in my possession (I can’t remember why!) a plastic dog poo .. now this SM liked to bring her wee cute dog round the block on in nights … so I waited .. until she had checked our room and moved on to the next .. and quietly placed the poo in the middle of the corridor.

The gasp was audible from the other end of the corridor … she turned red, was apologising profusely and telling her wee dog off … then she looked again … stared a bit harder … then it came … from the souls of her boots … “PRIVATE JOHNSON .. .GET OUT HERE NOW” ….   how she knew it was me, I have no idea .. but thankfully she seen the funny side of it.. or maybe she was feeling sorry for me as I still had my arm in a sling ….

…ah .. the sling … I had actually been told by the medics that I could take my sling off .. BUT we had a big parade coming up the next day and I couldn’t be bothered bulling my boots.   One of my roomies .. Joanne Hawker .. very kindly offered to bull my boots for me … I was sitting on my bed (with the sling off as I told her I could give it a wee rest out of the sling now and again) when she flung a cigarette over to me .. I grabbed it in mid air .. with my “bad” arm ..

The boots followed through the air a couple of seconds later ….