All of us feel under pressure to live up to expectations at times.

I certainly did, perhaps because I am one of those people who suffer from guilt and responsibility.   A good thing, yes, sometimes but sometimes a burden that is hard to shake off.

I am no longer young, I am no longer the person I was 20 or even 5 years ago.   I have changed, slowly… and it was something that took me a long time to accept.

I grew tired.  Tired of fighting battles, tired of stress, tired of not being heard and tired of being the person who was always expected to laugh.    So I made a decision (party forced on me because of stress), but it was a decision, to become who I wanted to be,  To stop the pretence and just become.

I no longer put up with crap, I do not put up with liars or troublemakers and I only have people in my life that I want in my life .. whether they be close friends or on the outskirts.   

I look back on the person I used to be and know I made mistakes, but I will continue to make mistakes, I am human and mistakes are part of our growing and becoming, but without these mistakes I would not be in the position or the person I am now.  So I am grateful.

I am under no illusion that everyone will like the new me … hell some people didn’t like the old me! .. but what the heck … I am old enough and wise enough to know that I cannot please everyone, so I won’t bother … those that like me, like me.. those that don’t .. well .. they don’t deserve me anyway! *grin* 

I have now found my place of peace, not just in a physical location but in an emotional and mental state and I am happy.  

I have also discovered that I no longer fear some of the things I used to fear .. being lonely .. I am not lonely, not being loved .. I am loved more than I ever have been and I know that the feeling of being the only person in the world that thought the way I did was a myth of my own making.

I do know that many of us are fighting battles within at the moment.   It is a turbulent and troublesome time and I wish I could take it all away and give you peace.   I can’t .. this is something you have to find from within, but I wish with all my heart you find your peace.

Always remember you are not alone.   Someone always cares.

Have a peaceful and fun festive period x


On this journey (that was party forced on me because of stress)