single

I enjoy being single … I do not cope well with being responsible for someone else’s happiness and peace …. I have a great bunch of friends that I trust completely and that is all I need.

However.. being single does have it’s disadvantages …  I am not a good cook .. well, I suppose that is a lie .. I’m not exactly chef standard but I can rustle things up if I need to .. I am just very bad at doing it for myself.  I  get lazy because I do not like cooking.

Sometimes I do miss having someone around just to smile at and see them smile back .. but I am someone who needs peace and quiet and time on my own and not many people understand that.

Intimacy …. well … it depend’s on what you mean by intimate …. sex to me can be just sex .. I need a mental connection to really feel intimate with someone.  I need to trust them and they need to trust me .. or I find a big hard ring goes round my heart and I just cannot feel close or intimate .. if I don’t have that it is never going to work for me.

However I do need my independence … I do not want someone who needs me … I do not want to be needed in anyone’s life .. I want to be wanted .. and I want to want .. when I love, I love deeply but I always seem to end up disappointed .. maybe I believe all the “Im not like that’s” too easily and, in truth, I am fed up with the bullshit during and after a relationship.  Truth seems to disappear out the window and ego and drama takes over .. I can’t be bothered with that.

I see posts on Facebook from women who are desperate for a relationship … it is true love and “the one” every time …  well .. till the next time anyway.  I am really not like that … I do not fall in love quickly … I do not fall in love easily … by the time the initial passion has burnt itself out I am usually left thinking “yup .. this might work” or “nope .. this isn’t for me” …  when I begin to get frustrated for any reason  in a relationship I have to get out, simple as.

So I guess… all in all … I am better staying single .. the odd little bit of fun here and there raises a smile .. no harm is done… no disappointment ..just a happy wee memory and a bit of a smug grin …   I guess I will just have to concentrate on my relationship with Aldo … our local chip shop owner!!   *smile*