I am a bit of a born fighter.   I fight for what I believe in.   acceptanceI fight for reasons that are important to me.

I have been guilty in the past of fighting too hard … and too long for things that I should have let go off long before.

I fought to keep my businesses alive .. to the detriment of my health and my peace .. I have fought to keep relationships and friendships until I realised that when you are fighting to keep things going beyond the normal realms of “making an effort” then you have to just walk away.

At times the perceived failure of my actions has caused me pain … but pain that is recoverable from .. in truth I never failed .. I tried, I fought.. I just didn’t succeed.

All of my past has brought me to where I am now.    I have a life that makes me happy.   I have lost the stress that I put on myself because of what others expected of me.   Now I just live my life in the way I want to.    I take care of me.

I share my emotional attachments with a few close friends, I have no-one relying on me to make them happy .. and play on my guilt.

This gift that I found for myself has given me freedom.  OK I do not have a lot of money but I survive .. and I sit here sometimes looking around me .. thinking about my life and think .. I am happy .. I am truly at peace.

For all my faults, and believe me, I have a few! .. I know I am honest, loyal and kind (sometimes too much!) … These are my strengths … and also my weaknesses … but that is who I am and that is who I will remain.

I have been trying to salvage a friendship recently .. until I realised I was the only one trying to do this … so .. I am letting it go .. sometimes “truth” as we see it is not the same between two people. I like to think I have always been constant with mine… but the same cannot be said in return.

It is time to let the final “irk” in my life go .. I have no reason to feel guilty .. I was reminded of this the other week when a friend of many years said to me  “it is great that you had so many friends standing beside you through your darkest time” … and that is true.   Until I realised who wasn’t there.

Actions do speak louder than words.   I have always believed that .. now it is the time to learn it.

I tried.. I did not succeed.   I can hold my head up.