Brae. A gay woman's tale!

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Over the last two years I have completely changed my life.   In a way I was forced to and in a way I chose to.

I left behind a lot of stress, although day to day I still worry about if I am going to have work for the following week.

Being a single self employed woman is not easy and I have had to make sacrifices along the way.   My social life has been severely curtailed but my friends know my situation and they understand.    I have to plan what I can go to and even then sometimes it is a struggle to be able to afford to go to what I want to.

But .. I would make exactly the same changes a hundred times over.    I love what I do now, and I know I am very lucky to be able to say that.

I no longer feel as if I am just existing … and for a long time that is what my life felt like that .. now I am truly living my life the way I want to.    I have a great job, great pets, a wee home that I love and more than that .. I have peace .. peace of mind and peace in my heart.

No decisions we take in life are easy, it is sometimes difficult to walk away from things .. but if it doesn’t feel right, then we have to .. or we end up living a life that is not ours.

My new project is working on me … as in the physical me .. mentally and emotionally I am sorted .. physically there is still a lot of work to be done .. but slowly I am getting there .. I’ve lost weight, I’m exercising and adding that to the peace I feel makes me feel just bloody great!

A life change will not bring anyone instant happiness . it is something we have to work towards and we have to do that alone, for ourselves, not for someone else.    When you find happiness and peace in yourself, you realise that no-one else can make you happy .. they can just be happy additions to your life.

So .. take that deep breath, take that first step … you can have the life you want, you just have to brave enough to try.

I was commenting on a post last night from a young girl who has just come out to her parents .. her dad hasn’t taken it too well and she is obviously upset.   I told her to give him time, and I think that is the right thing to do.   People react in different ways to accepting what they don’t want to accept .. and everyone needs a little time to adjust.

There does come a point when you have to draw the line.

No matter what you are trying to fix, there does come a point when you have to hold your hands up and say “Well .. I tried .. the problem isn’t me .. it is you” .

If you find yourself at the end of excuses that you know are not true, you have to stop making excuses for people, you have to accept that no matter how much “time” you give them, they are incapable of changing, either out of immaturity, pride or sadly, just not being able to be honest enough with you or themselves.

Some people just cannot see past their own needs, they have no wish or understanding to accept anything that does not fit with their life or story .. how THEY want things to be.    No matter how had you try, you cannot mend or help someone who refuses to accept it.

You simply have to accept this, it is not easy, whether it be a parent, friend or ex lover .. you do still want to believe that they care enough to salvage something from what you had … this cannot always be.

Do not let your guilt and their knowledge of how to “press your buttons” win .. accept what was, accept was is and walk away .. some people will never find happiness .. not because of anything you do .. or don’t do .. but because of who they are .. and sadly some people cannot admit they are wrong.

Be strong, be brave .. and as someone else said on the thread  “be a tiger”