After a very productive day in the garden, a long hot bath and a wee lie down on the bed to stretch my back was in order… trouble was… I lay and dozed off and on and now I am wide awake!

It is annoying, but in truth I haven’t been sleeping well for a few months and just when things are getting back to normal, I find myself all stressed out about Alice Alice!

However, saying that, hopefully tomorrow will bring good news on that score.. if not, I am well prepared for any battle that is to come.

I am really upset about Alice Alice… I know she is not a new motor home and may be a bit battered and worn around the edges… but she is mine and I love her! It is not her fault she needs work done.. but the fault of others who put her in this condition.

I think having time today busying myself oiling my decking gave me time to think clearly about a lot of things. I am ready to fight about the Alice Alice situation and I also realised I am not ready for a relationship. I am still getting used to doing things alone… but I am actually enjoying it!

I have, perhaps, been guilty of thinking someone will ease my pain… but in truth I know that won’t work… and now my pain has given way to more of a feeling of being disappointed, I have taken the decision to stop ruining what could be a great friendship by not taking it any further than a couple of good old fashioned dates. I know I’m not ready… and I know I wouldn’t find the peace I need for a relationship to last… I’m not a party girl these days… I need a quiet and simple life, without outside complications.

Sometimes I have put up with excuses and secrets too much in the past and I’m just not prepared to do that now. Any future relationship has to be open, truthful and not affected by outside influences… I’ve said before I don’t want someone weak, who feels they have to change, or who wants to change me to fit their needs, nor do I want someone too strong, who feels they have to control… I simply want someone who can walk beside me and understands how important peace is.

If it happens, it happens… if not, then it doesn’t matter… but when and if, I do decide to commit to someone, I just hope that this time my judgement is right. I am just so tired of being disappointed…. but as the saying goes… what’s meant to be, will be…. or as we say here “whit’s fir ye will no gan’ past ye”. I guess we all get what we deserve in the end.