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Thoughts ….

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Another oldie…

Thoughts

I have been thinking today
about me
about you

I have been remembering
how close I felt
when you held me,
and how hard it was
when you turned away.

I loved you for your spirit

I wanted you for your mind.

I ached to touch you.

I ached for you to touch me.

I wanted you to want me.

I needed you to need me.

I wanted you to remember
why you wanted me,
and how it felt
when I was in your arms
And turned to you

I have been thinking today
about you
about me.

This moment

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We lie

Stroking, touching, spent.

Hearing the rain on the window, the wind in the trees, a different world away

We lie

In our world, in calm peace, our silence speaking the words we cannot yet say.

You move, your body close and hot against me, your lips gently touching my neck.

We lie

Lost in the memory of our exploration, of our discovery of our cries.

Remembering the taste, the sounds, when we sought and reached and fell

We lie

Complete, in silence,

This moment I want to keep forever

We lie

Dusk

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Dusk

In the darkness of my room
with no company to be kind,
the stirring again begins
in the recess of my mind.

At first a memory,
from way down deep
that will once again deny me
from my right to sleep.
And then the pain, from way inside,
that rips apart
my soul,

my pride.

The physical need
to hold on tight
to someone close,
all through the night.

The dark, black thoughts,
cruel and bleak,

punishing me,

For being so weak.

And knowing that
It’s all my fault
I’m locked up tight
In this living vault.
Searching for me
And failing to find,
Because of the nightmare
Living in my mind

The Mirror

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I have been where you have been

I have seen what you have seen

I have walked the path and lost my way

I have cried all night to the break of day

I have lost everything as my world fell apart

I have had blows to my pride and broken heart

I have held on too long and let go too soon

I have sung in the rain and danced with the moon

I have kissed with passion and dreamt in vain

I have taken the hits and smiled through the pain

I have convinced myself that I am right

I have struggled to survive my longest night

I have loved to the full and a fool it made me

I have wore my heart on my sleeve for all to see

I have taken the blows and sometimes I fell

I have picked myself up so no-one could tell

I have made my own choices and made my own bed

I have gone my own way and never been led

I have lost to my demons and angels too

I know how it feels, because I am you.

You are my weakness

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You are my weakness,

my desire.

The smile on my face, the source of my fire.

The rebirth of my want.

Filling my head.

The drama of fantasy to be played out in bed.

The air that I breathe

As I start to live

And the source of my doubt of how much to give.

My soul is the devils

Wicked and wild.

My body is yours and I am beguiled

My heart is still mine

But as I start to live,

It is a dangerous thing, but mine to give.

You are my weakness,

My desire.

The smile on my face, the source of my fire.

Lovers Dawn

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Lovers Dawn

I awake slowly, listening to you breathing softly beside me.

I watch as you stir in the dusky light of dawn, your body outlined in the light, slowly moving in rhythm as you sleep on.

My hand reaches out to touch you, softly, gently and you stir again, slowly, a slow realisation of my touch, warm against your cool skin.

You move towards me, your head on my chest, your hands gripping softly at the small of my back, where the touch of your lips still lingers.

My hand moves of its own accord, slowly, skimming your skin.

You move again, open, ready for my touch.

Slowly my hand finds you, gently, softly, slowly I touch you, listening to your soft breath rising and falling, quickening with the soft touch I lay upon you.

You move again, raising your hips, a silent plea for more.  I wait,  I continue my slow touch, hearing your breath quicken, your hips move gently but more urgently.

I give in, I push in,  I hear a soft cry and I continue my slow gentle rhythm inside you.

Feeling your heat, feeling you slip between my fingers..

You move urgently now, quicker, harder and my fingers matching your rhythm, your urgency.

Your skin is hot now, your grasp on me tighter, pulling me closer to you.

A small cry, a shudder that ripples through your body and mine.

Your lips find my mouth,  a soft gentle kiss of confirmation.

You turn, your back to me now, pushing back for the touch of me against you.

I lie, listening to you breathing softly beside me.

I watch as you fall back into your peaceful slumber, your body glowing in the light,

Slowly moving in rhythm as you sleep on.

The old cat…

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The old cat

She sits and waits … there is no hurry

.. a warm day, the sun on her back

Watching

thinking of her next kill.. and the kills of her past

.. she stretches, then lies back down

Remembering

Her ears prick.. there are kittens about

… cute and popular,  exciting and playful

Annoying

She moves away.. cautiously, slowly

.. choosing her way,  she stops, notices

Hunting

She sits and waits … there is no hurry

The Bubble

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Sometimes .. what I say is just not heard … and I can’t change that.

The Bubble

If I opened my heart

And poured it all out

I wouldn’t be heard

Whether I whisper or shout

You can’t hear the truth,

           Only the words

And when they’re not believed

Then that really hurts

You can’t see the obvious

To that you’re blind

It is all to easy

But stuck in your mind

People can’t tell you

How to lead your own life

And sometimes reality

Will cut like a knife

You’ll create your own chances

You’ll make your own bed,

You’ll follow your heart

Instead of your head

But your heart will run dry

As hearts always do

And I hope what is left

Will satisfy you

What I now know..

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I know that I will never be a page 3 model

I know that I will never be a millionaire by the time I’m 50

I know that money is not what drives me

I know that sometimes I am my own worst enemy

I know that perhaps I am a bit narky

I know that I like a simplier, quieter way of life

I know that growing old does not scare me

I know that I have had a great life so far

I know that I have met some wonderful people along the way

I know that good friendships do last

I know that love lasts, passion doesn’t

I know that I wouldn’t change a thing (good or bad!) from my past

I know that I am quite happy to accept all my faults

I know me

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