Brae. A gay woman's tale!

As some of you know I have a wee problem with my left arm at the moment .. I have frozen shoulder and carpel tunnel (I don’t do ANYTHING by half!)…

Anyway .. my arm was a bit painful last night so I decided to take two Solpadol before going to bed .. and they caught in my throat.

It was very scary, I was choking and couldn’t get them to go up or down, I was trying to drink water and it was coming back out my mouth (lovely sight and I soaked my kitchen!).. it really was a panic moment, it was like my throat had just gone into a spasm .. I began to feel really lightheaded and I really did think “this is it” .. killed by frozen shoulder (well .. at least I would make the history books!) .. then all of a sudden my throat just seemed to open and I could breathe again.

It did give me a fright and I had to sit down and have a wee cry to myself .. it got me thinking..

1) Would Brae have eaten me  (that thought freaked me out!)

2) How happy I was that I didn’t die!  .. ok maybe it was a minor incident and I wouldnt have actually choked to death .. but at the time it was happening I really thought I might.

3) The only thing people will have to remind them of me is the drunken videos/dvd’s that I have   (must make new ones when I don’t sound like a screeching banshee and I can talk sense!).

4) Would my mum actually have me cremated (I want to be cremated .. she doesn’t agree with it!)

5) Would there be a hot meal or a buffet at my funeral – and who would come to cry and who would come to dance on my grave!

OK I know there are maybe 1 or 2 strange thoughts in there .. but they all did run through my head ..  anyway .. panic is over .. Im here .. you can put away your black frocks and hats (YUP everyone has to come in a black frock and black hat to my cremation!),  no flowers though .. donations to Second Chance Kennels instead!   Oh and the contents of my “briefcase” can be auctioned <wink>

Ive had a lot of fun this week scanning and uploading photos onto facebook .. some of the fashion faux pas have been fantastic and how many times did I have my puppies out!! <blush>

From these photos and comments made on them a whole lot of people who had lost contact are now reconnecting on Facebook and that is fab.. exactly what Facebook should be all about.

Hopefully we can arrange a reunion at some stage in Croydon .. I have many happy memories and many people I care for and who made me laugh so much down there and it would be great for us all to get together just to catch up and have a good old hoot .. I would really like this and I make one promise .. “They” will stay hidden! LOL

 Gardening is a great thing .. it gives you time to think .. I was gardening today and enjoyed a bit of a revelation.

I am contented.

My life has, on the whole, been a very good one, ok Ive had a couple of times when things weren’t so good but on the whole it has been thoroughly enjoyable and I wouldnt wish to change a single thing.

It has been a journey of “happenings” .. Ive played for Scotland, Ive served in the Army.

Over the years Ive had lovers who have made me smile, made me cry and made me scream (wink!) .. Ive had a home and a business that I lost and now a new home that is everything I ever wanted.

I am lucky enough to have friends who I would lay down my life for (and that is not an exaggeration) who have listened to me, cajoeled me, shouted at me but always been there if I needed them. 

Im not the type who tends to “need” someone very often.. but when I do, it is nice to know they are they.

More importantly I have learned so much about me ..   there is a saying in business that you learn nothing during good business times and learn a lot during bad.

I think the same applies in life .. Ive learned a lot over the years, things that probably would have really bothered me 20 .. or even 10 years ago .. are not things that would bother me now at all.

I have come to the realisation that I actually quite like me.. sure, Im grumpy, Im impatient, my jokes are old and repeated at every opportunity but I am me.. and I am quite happy with me and my “plumptiouness”

What other people think about me is their problem .. it is not something I am prepared to worry about.

I am now back within 1.5 miles of where I left back in 1980 .. I have come home in body and in mind.

I am where I belong.

Life and relationships are both a bit of a minefield sometimes.. neither go smoothly and sometimes things can just explode in front of you.

No-one starts a business or a relationship with the view that it will fail.. it is started with excitement, energy, passion and a total belief that this is “right”.

Life and time teaches us otherwise.

Some take things too seriously, some take things too frivalously.. no-one, gets it right, ever.

The great thing is that we can and do bounce back .. our attitude and outlook are all important in how we succeed in EVERY aspect of life.

As many of you know I have recently come out of a “romantic” relationship BUT we are still linked in a “business” relationship.  More importantly we are still friends.

I would not want it any other way.  Sure we can argue at times (even now!), sure we are both ALWAYS right (correction .. Karen is ALWAYS right, I am NEVER wrong!) but we were and are two people with the same values.

Ok it didnt work out for us as a couple, but we have a fantastic legacy of a great wee business, smashing pets and hopefully, a strong friendship that will persevere.

Changes are scary .. but they are also exciting .. hopefully there are some great times ahead for both us.. both in joint business and in our seperate relationships. 

So .. <holding up coffee cup>  Cheers .. thanks .. surely its NOT my turn AGAIN to make coffee!  <grin> 

I put a wee posting on earlier and it has gone!! .. so I am putting it on again!

The post was on the virtues of the word ERSE! .. now for the uninitiated (non Scots) and for those too dumb to work it out from the picture .. the proper English word is Arse .. but ERSE as we say up here in the land of the roaming haggi is much more expressive .. try it .. say the word Arse out loud three times .. then try it with Erse!  See .. you can get so much more passion in the word ERRRRRRSSSE.. its fab! … lets start a group …

I posted this on my work blog and people seemed to like it…

   EXERCISE!

… Well Water Aerobics to be precise.   I was a regular (twice a week!) for almost a year but the local pool closed for modernisation for 3 months and I have just never got back into the habit… but I must .. the non smoking is going very well, the diet is going well (with the odd little cheat!) but I really must do some exercise.  I did think that I would just use the Wii and make a fool of myself in the living room, but for some reason I walk into the livingroom and my arse just gravitates towards my comfy chair!

I really have no excuse… the nights are getting longer, the weather (hopefully!) improving it is just ME!  I am the reason I don’t go .. I just need to force myself out of the door once or twice and I will be back into the routine!

I really enjoyed it before.. there was a nice crowd that went and we had a right laugh .. I just got lazy!

So this weekend I am looking out my cossie .. shaving my legs and preparing myself to go .. I will .. I will .. I will!   

Mika and Fergus

We have had a very productive day today .. mainly to do with clearing out of things that we really have no use for.  These have included our guinea pig cage, hutch and run as poor wee ruiey has gone to the big strawbale in the sky.

Karen was out the back garden at the Kennel earlier (it is an actual dog kennel but we use it for “stuff”!) Mika and Lou Lou (one of the other cats) followed Karen down the garden.  Karen, spotting the horses in the field, went over to stroke them and was stunned to see Mika worming her way under the wooden fence towards the horse.  We are not actually sure if Mika was perhaps stalking the horse with a view to a very big “kill”.. but anyway …it ended up Mika and the horse nose to nose, the horse was really interested in her and she was really interested in it! .. it was lovely to see… I was in the kitchen watching it all unfold and Karen was scared to move incase she startled one or the other.   It just goes to show you can’t judge your friends on appearance and sometimes the unlikliest of friendships can occur. 

The garden and horse field in slightly snowier times!