Brae. A gay woman's tale!

I was full of plans today! … and completed them (and a wee bit more!)

Bed has been washed and changed … and Wardrobes and shoe racks have been gutted … and I now have 82 free hangers (although some are going to be binned!)

My brother came up to help with with Alice Alice as I wanted my tyres blown up and air put into the air suspension.   As it turned out it was a bit of a failure .. one of the tyres had it’s hub cap put on wrong and we couldn’t get to the valve.   The only way to move the hub cap was to take the wheel off!

After I flung a minor strop, I phoned a couple of garages and D & G in Inverkeithing told me to bring Alice Alice along … not only did they take the tyre off and blow up all my tyres, they also explained to me about the air suspension.  I only have it on the back and don’t need it unless I am towing! .. and how much did this cost me … zero … although I did slip the wee guy a fiver for helping me out…. guess where Alice Alice will be going to be serviced! (they even have motorhome ramps!)

Came home and got stuck into the wardrobes … then my brother rang me to say that my mum had one of her turns and had fainted in the kitchen, banging her head on the fridge.

She refused to go to hospital, but seemed much perkier by the time I left … she had given herself a thump though … judging by the dent on her brand new fridge (bet my sister flings a fit about that!).

The wardrobes were calling once more … and after a couple of wee teary  moments, when I came across things that belonged to my ex … I completed the task … the worst part was fling out her old pink slippers… I used to always find them lying in the living room and I had to have a wee smile to myself.

Everything has now been sorted … even shoes have been binned (or going to the charity shop) … and I have a great sense of getting “sorted” …

It has been a busy day, but hopefully my auld maw will be better tomorrow and I will pop in to make sure she is …. but also, for me, it has been a day of getting rid of the old … and clearing things out that are no use to me.  My “fresh start” has truly begun in earnest … and I’m actually quite enjoying it!

As they say … out with the old … in with the new!

I decided to take a couple of days off this week … lately I have been busy and tired (for a couple of reasons) and I don’t want to start my holiday next week feeling drained.

Today, I had a rare long lie … (well … for me!) … and it was quite lovely lying there cuddling into Sprout! … I am used to getting up early to write to clear my evenings if my ex was coming over … but also because in the mornings I normally wake up very stiff and need to get up to move around.   Since I have started on the CPD Oil I have noticed a marked difference in the pain in my hips and back … it isn’t perfect by a long way, but now I feel it is much less annoying and definitely more manageable … and I seem to be able to do much more!

This morning, I plan to wash the bedding and tackle my wardrobes to get rid of a lot of stuff, my drawers are already done! … tomorrow I will tackle the summerhouse and work out what to keep and what to sell … I have a lot of camping gear that can now go and no doubt will find other stuff that has been “chucked” into the summerhouse!

I also need to pop into Dunfermline to have my necklace fixed (again!) … Sprout caught it with her claw and it snapped … but I may just buy a new one… the one I have (even though it is of great sentimental value), is rather old and the links are wearing thin in places … trouble is I know it wasn’t cheap … so it will depend on the price of a new one!

From a place of extreme tiredness and a low mood, it is lovely to finally have some energy and “keenness” back in my life.

I am really looking forward to my wee holiday in Alice Alice with Sprout next week, to meet up with friends and to just enjoy time on our own dawdling around … I have my route all planned out to take me through some lovely forests and past beautiful beaches … Sprout will love it!

The good news I had about a tax rebate yesterday also means that I can take an extra holiday sometime … although I am considering taking a longer holiday in September and not only doing the NC500 but popping over to the islands and doing a tour of them too!

I do realise that sometimes I work too much, it is a habit I am trying to break so that I can find a good balance between work and life … sometimes I get caught up with work and it rules my life and while it is good in some ways, in others, not so much.  I am a bit of a perfectionist but on the negative side, it does drain me mentally and sometimes I just need to step away.

Right now, life feels full of promise … of what, I don’t know.. but I do know there are many adventures to come … and that makes me happy!

As the years have passed, I have realised what I want

out of life.

Enough money to pay my bills, with a little left over to enjoy.

A job that inspires me.

Good friends and lots of laughter.

A home where I can find my peace.

A happy heart and a still mind.

These do not seem like much, in fact quite boring.  But to me they are everything.

I have lived a wild life, done things I am a little ashamed of, and treated people with less respect than they deserved.

On the other hand, I’ve done things I am very proud of, and given some people more respect than they deserved.

I have had great lows in my life, but great highs too and each experience has made me who I am.

My wild socialising days are in the past, now I prefer peace and quiet in the company of a few friends, with the odd crazy night flung in!

I have misunderstood, I have been misunderstood.

I have failed and I have succeeded.

I’ve broken hearts and I’ve had mine broken.

All of these things have made me, me!

For some I am too outspoken, too truthful and refuse to keep quiet when other people’s behaviour is not acceptable.

I refuse to put up with crap.  I cannot abide liars and cheats and simply won’t have them in my life… and if I have something to say, I say it.

I am seen as “too strong”, when in reality I am just honest and if I am in a situation where I feel uncomfortable or awkward, I simply remove myself from it.

Recent events made me sit back and think … and I have … a lot … but the outcome is still the same … I want exactly the same things out of life than I did before.  Whether that is with a partner or not, that doesn’t matter … but if it is, she will have to be in the “same place” as I am.

I don’t want a party girl, who finds excitement at the bottom of a bottle and who has to have a fun packed life.   I have been there, done that and moved on.

I am not a big drinker (excluding the odd occasion!) … and when I am sober the smell of alcohol off someone is a real turn off for me.   Although to be fair, when I smoke I guess the smell of tobacco is a bit of a turn off for some too!

If I do meet someone … I want her to have found their own peace, have her own life and who realises that a true relationship is doing things together, and apart … it is enjoying each other’s company when sitting in silence because you know that person is just happy being with you.

For me it is all about peace and thankfully I am finding mine again.

I’ve completed part one of my clear out! Drawers all sorted and Keep, Charity and Bin plea dealt with.. found 10 tee shirts that I forgot I had! All washed and drying! All clothes for my week away already in Alice Alice too!