June 19, 2013
regular life, true Leave a comment
I do not have an extraordinary life.
I have won, I have lost, I have had my heart broken, I have broken hearts.
I have made mistakes, I have cried, I have laughed and I have failed in glorious fashion.
Sometimes I have been in utter despair, sometimes in absolute joy.
I have thought that no-one else in the world thinks like me, cares like me, understands me. I have learned that this is not true.
My life is not extraordinary.
My life is simply true.
January 10, 2013
regular life, love,, regret 1 Comment
Regret is a punishment that we give ourselves. It is the inability to accept that we have tried the very best we could in circumstances in our past. There is no use wishing for a different outcome, a different reaction, a different situation, we have to accept what has gone and move forward.
We have to accept that our choice, whether right or wrong was the choice that WE made, no-one forced us… we made our choice and we have to accept that at the time it was a decision that felt right to us, whatever our reasons, whether it be fear, guilt or frustration.
I found this quote that sums it up quite nicely:
“If you followed your heart, then whatever the outcome, you acted bravely, and deserve to feel pride not regret. Try to understand and accept that it is impossible to foresee every potential outcome in any scenario. It is also impossible to know what results the alternative choice may have brought. You trusted your intuition, and even though you may not like the results that this action brought, undoubtedly you can learn and grow from the situation.”
There really is no point in tearing ourselves apart because of regret… we cannot change our past decisions and we have to accept our position or situation as it is and move forward. In the end the only person who is punishing us is ourselves.
January 8, 2013
Poetry and writing, regular lesbian, life, music 1 Comment
Image thanks to Lushquotes.com
Some write the music … others write the words … some dance…others just listen.
Being different people with different ways of feeling and expressing emotion is one of the most beautiful things about being human. When we are open to our hearts music and poetry are the most popular way of expressing emotion and occasionally we hear a song that stirs our heart and evokes a long hidden feeling or memory or we see words on a page that speak to us, or speak for us.
Life is very much like a beautiful song that we all want to sing … sometimes we go off tune, sometimes we forget the words, but it doesn’t really matter as every song will have a meaning to us, what we decide to do with the middle bit is up to us … learn the words, change the words, add a score, slow it down… it is our choice.
Sometimes we hear a beautiful rhythm but cannot get our words to fit no matter how we try .. in the end if we try too hard we either lose part of the beauty of the music .. or the meaning of the words.
Nothing should be forced, rhythms should come together naturally, but with music and with rhyme, if it doesn’t then we need to accept that and carry on searching.
The beat goes on……..
December 12, 2012
regular attitude, friendship, life Leave a comment
It has been interesting watching the run up to 12/12/12 .. lots of messages and comments on facebook about how we will never see this day again because of the uniqueness of the date …
Great .. in a way it is true .. but we seem to have forgotten one BIG thing … every day is unique, we will never see today again, as we can never recapture yesterday again!
Sometimes we all (and I have been guilty of this many times!) hang onto the past, make our judgement about people and life based on our past experiences. This is often no bad thing, after all there is no greater teacher than experience BUT sometimes we let it cloud our vision, cloud our thoughts and feelings in a negative way that in the end only results in us losing out.
Our thoughts about the past cause us to imagine what might happen in the future, what we might expect, what we might feel … we hold onto anger and to upset far too long and in reality the only person who suffers is ourselves.
Today, since the date is special, why not make a decision to let things go, face up to what we really think and feel, without judgement and take a big step forward. No-one can do this for us, it has to come from within.
July 15, 2011
regular crossroads, existence, lesbian, life 6 Comments
There are many crossroads in life. Some we pass through without realising, until we look back at our past, at others we have to decide what is the best route for us to follow.
Often we meet the same choices at different times in our life, but each time we reach this point the road we choose will, more often than not, be different. As it should be. If it never changes, we never grow, develop, become.
Today has been one of those days for me.. I think, deep down, I knew it was coming but this weekend I have a lot of thinking to do. I have been fighting with my conscience and my need over the past few months and much more so over the last week, but today a comment made me realise that perhaps the decision I have been in a quandry over is actually what is needed.
I am not sure if this was a flippant comment made in anger, or whether it is something that has been thought about and discussed in circles that I am not part of. I suspect it may be the latter.
Whatever .. maybe it is time for a change, I need to stop this feeling of flatlining .. I seem to get this feeling when I know something has to change, it is buried deep inside me, almost like an inside knowledge, it comes to the fore when I accept it.
I tend to run from things where I am not wanted .. I guess it is my defence mechanism kicking in .. I prefer to walk rather than being pushed.
I am tired fighting against the wind .. I think I will just surrender to it and see where it takes me.
There is a life out there, not just an existence .. I think I need to find it.
June 5, 2011
regular acceptance, differences, expectation and, lesbian, life Leave a comment
photo by hto2008
All of us have expectations from life, love and ourselves that we try to accomplish and reach every day of our lives.
From the moment we are born we are in a world where expectations of us, by us and by others effects everything we do, every decision we make and every moment we breathe.
As we meander down our path of life we will often fall short of these expectations, whether we choose to or inadvertently do so. This is life.
This is the wonderful crazy world we live in where expectations will lead to disappointment in reality.
As people, the pressure of expectation from others but more importantly from ourselves is the driving force that pushes us ahead in life, keeps us going, keeps us human.
We will never receive all we expect from life or from someone and the balance between expectation and acceptance can be a battle that will never be won.
When we can accept that we will never reach all that is expected of us, professionally or emotionally then the world seems a much friendly place.
Not everyone will accept that their expectation of us is unrealistic, not everyone will accept differences but that is their attitude and one thing that we cannot expect to change, we just have to accept it.
I know that from previous experiences in life that I have often failed peoples expectation of me and more importantly what I have expected from myself. There is little I can about this apart from accept it. I realised today that throughout all my previous relationships and failures the one common factor in this is me.
I have two choices now .. do I beat myself up about it, or accept it for what it is?
I have decided to accept it. The past is in the past, I cannot change it and, in a way, I really do not want to. I have learned lessons that will allow me to continue to evolve as the imperfect person that I am.
I am happy to accept that.
December 24, 2010
regular birthday, goodbye my friend, life 1 Comment
Today I wave goodbye to a very dear friend .. a friend that I have laughed with, cried with, reached the bottom with and had to pull myself back up a long steep slope. A friend that has taught me much about myself and a friend that I will miss but will happily wave goodbye to.
Tomorrow I will stand tall, reflect on the time we had and wave you off with a smile and a few thoughts of what might have been, but I will have no regrets. Just memories of a time that I wouldn’t change a minute of as our friendship has got me to who and where I am today.
Tomorrow I wave goodbye to being in my 40’s.
It is a strange feeling, reaching another milestone and not quite believing I can really be 50 (or as one of my friends put it 18 with 32 years experience).
When you are young 50 (actually even 30 or 40!) seems ancient. I know I thought that. The strange thing is that you learn more about yourself when you actually turn 40 than you ever do when you are younger. It seems that your first 40 years are all about experience and learning, your 40’s about reflection on that and realising who you really are.
As I leave my 40’s I will do so with my head held high. I’m not perfect, far from it … but I’m comfortable with myself and my life. I’ve achieved lots, made lots of money, lost it all and had to start again.
As the saying goes, That’s Life, and no matter how low or frustrated I have felt at times I think myself lucky that I have experienced the things (and the women!) that I have.
So tomorrow, as you raise your glass to Christmas, raise a glass to yourself, you have made it to another one .. and may there be many more for you.
Tomorrow I will be 50… I can’t wait!
October 4, 2010
regular attitude, life, toilet Leave a comment
I was chatting to a friend on Pink Sofa yesterday who has been a bit under the weather … she proudly announced in a message that she was feeling at ease with the world as she had just had a “satisfying big poo”. After I had stopped laughing I got to thinking ..
Life with all it’s twists and turns IS like a toilet..
We all have to live life, we all have to go to the loo…
Sometimes life is easy, sometimes tough .. (we all know where I am coming from here!)
Sometimes life is desperate .. just like needing the loo!
Sometimes life is full of shit …. (enough said!)
Sometimes life is dirty and mucky and we struggle with it (we have all been in public toilets like that!)
But through life, we pick up experience and little markers that stay with us .. just like graffitti in a loo!
In the end, no matter how we hold back, or what we hold back.. it all has to come out in the end!
Brave up ladies.. face life.. use that loo! <smile>
August 10, 2010
regular lesbian, life, love, Leave a comment
I had a lovely conversation into the early hours of this morning with a friend on a wide variety of subjects as we put the world to rights with our wisdom <cough!>
One of the things we discussed were those “three little words” .. no .. Not ”I love you” .. they are far to easy to say without really meaning it, whether it be in a moment of passion or in reply to them when really you don’t mean them but feel you should say them! .. and yes I have been guilty of this many times!
The “three little words” that are harder to say are the ones that mean that you have to admit you were wrong or you have to take a deep breath and hope you re not going to face rejection .. many people never manage to do this .. they end up going through life loving and losing because they are just not brave enough…
I have listed some of the words we discusssed last night .. but Im sure you have a few of your own!
I am sorry
It’s my fault
Please help me
I want you
You were right
I was wrong
I trust you
… feel free to add your own!
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