I was having a bit of a laugh today on Facebook with some friends about chat up lines and relationships and stuff … you know .. the “love” and “relationship” stuff…

We all have different expectations from a relationship .. and are often left disappointed when we feel our expectations are not being met … or they are not how we “dream” they will be.

Everyone loves and needs to be loved in a very different way .. what is right for one person is not always right for another … I am not that tactile .. I need a partner that is more tactile than me .. but not overly so … I find the demands of an overly tactile person too much and smothering for me .. and it makes me feel uneasy because it does not “ring true”.

I am not a person who is or ever will be the greatest partner in someone’s life … I like my own wee ways, my quiet times, my thinking time, not because I do not want to be in the same room or company as someone.. but just because sometimes I have to relax and I can only do that by having time inside my own head….

As I have aged I have become more aware of my own need for peace .. peace of mind and peace of heart .. I do not want a huge heart thumping romance that will reach into my soul and tear my heart out .. I have had those when I was younger .. and they never last ..

I would rather have a relationship that was peaceful, truthful and honest … that gave me calmness and strength rather than excitement and passion .. understanding instead of arguments.

Sometimes you can be in a relationship that you know could be amazing .. but something just doesn’t click .. your priorities differ .. your needs differ and instead of being a healthy and loving relationship it turns into something dramatic and destructive.    This is no-one’s fault .. it is just the fundamental differences that cannot be overcome.    You have to step back .. let go and find your level with someone who fits.

I am 52, I am single with a string of relationships behind me … some of which were healthy, some of which were less so … do I want another relationship now?    I am not sure .. I do not want something I cannot see reaching into my future, I would have to be very confident that a relationship would last … until my last breath .. I do not want the hurt and the self doubt again and the feeling of being a bit lost.

I have found my balance and my peace again … I want to keep that ..  so unless a miracle happens I will continue to do my own wee thing … flirt around a bit .. have a laugh … and do nothing apart from laugh…

If, at the end, I have no-one to hold my hand .. then I hope I will leave plenty of smiles in some hearts.